Ok, so I fully had the intention of going a completely hilarious route with What the Heck? Wednesday this week.  In fact, some of the things that went down in the past few days were real doozies!  For now I’m going to have to ask everyone to please stay tuned for those stories to pop up at a later date. Because this morning’s What the Heck? moment totally has me freaking out.

I logged into my Bank of America account this morning with the intent of paying the mortgage.  The balance looked a little lower than I expected, so before I hit the “pay now” button, I went in and looked at my transactions.  Most of them were normal and expected, that is until I got to the charge for $765.65 from Pizazz Tuscan Grill at the Pier 5 Hotel in Baltimore.  Ok, ok, so I know what you’re thinking, and yes, you’re right.  I can be kind of a lush sometimes and have been known to rack up a pretty hefty bar bill.  I assure you that at this dinner, however, I only had two glasses of Pinot Grigio and a 9-inch pizza.  Ok, you caught me.  I had three glasses of Pinot, but that’s beside the point.

There were about 25 of us dining at Pizazz that night from the Bloggy Boot Camp crowd, and I think we all kind of knew that something was fishy when three of us, who happened to be sitting right next to each other, had our credit cards declined when trying to pay for our meals.  Little Miss Shady Waitress tried to run my Mastercard first, and now that I know the amount that she was attempting to run, I’m not at all surprised that it didn’t go through because I have seriously beaten that credit card to death over the past couple years.

Since the Mastercard was declined, I made the mistake of giving her my Debit Card.  That went through no problem and I signed the slip for $60 and headed upstairs to bed. If I’m adding things up correctly, I wound up spending about $820 on three wines and a pizza, and all I got was a lousy fraudulent charge.  I mean, if I am going to spend that kind of dough, I at least expect someone to give me a police escort up to my room and tuck me in.  What the heck?

I talked to Bank of America, and because the charge was still pending, they were able to remove it.  Let’s hope that the Pizazz folks don’t try and run it again.  And let’s hope that I can get to the bottom of this when I call the hotel today and hopefully save some other poor chick the agony of seeing her funds unnecessarily sucked out of her checking account.

From now on, I’m carrying cash.

What the heck?

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Ok, so I’ve only been back from my whirlwind weekend in Baltimore for about 15 hours and I’m already chomping at the bit to implement all of the knowledge that I gained!  I seriously have a nervous feeling in my stomach right now because I’m fully aware that I need to put this stuff in place while it is still fresh in my brain.  I’m also fully aware that my total-stud of a four year old is ALSO fully aware that his mama was away for the entire weekend and he absolutely intends to cram every single minute of Lego action that I missed the past two days into these first few morning hours.  I’m hoping I can squeeze this post out before he decides that he’s totally had it with me and dumps all of the contents of his Lego bin onto the floor in order to prove a point.

First and foremost, this past weekend was nothing short of incredible.  All blog-related tips aside, the absolute best part of the trip for me was finally getting to meet some of the amazing women who I’ve formed such great connections with since I started blogging in October.  I’m resisting the urge to go into some big long hoopla about each and every person I met and how they fully lived up to their awesomeness (and don’t even get me started on my bloggy sister).  Instead, I’m applying one of the first things that I learned at boot camp.  If I want people to actually read my entire post instead of giving up after the first paragraph, then I need to quit trying to write a novel with every post and use the space bar a little more often.

Since it wasn’t that long ago that I was a newbie blogger, I thought that the best way to go about this post was to highlight the key topics that I think are most beneficial to bloggers who are just starting out.  I’m hoping to take some of the guess work out of blogging for those people who know that they want to move forward and dive a little deeper into the blogosphere but aren’t sure what they are supposed to do and what they are not supposed to do.

Here goes nothin’.

KNOW THE EFFECTIVE WAY TO COMMENT

This one may have taken me a few months to get the hang of when I first started blogging, and after this weekend I was so pleased to learn that I had figured it out somewhere along the way.  Basically, here’s the lowdown.

- It’s a total give and take. If you want to get comments, you have to give comments.  You can’t just start a blog and throw a post up and expect for people to come out of the woodwork and discover you.  You have to visit other blogs, follow other blogs, and leave comments regularly on those other blogger’s posts if you want to see some love in return. Reciprocity is key in the blog world.

- When leaving a comment, make it authentic.  Basically, if you’re going to take the time to leave a comment, then take the time to READ THE POST FIRST.  If you say something along the lines of, “Great post!”, or “Thanks for stopping by MY blog!”, or “I’m here from such-and-such!”, without any sort of reference to the post you are commenting on, then you are pretty much giving away the fact that you have no idea what the actual post was about because you didn’t read it.  You are basically saying, “I really don’t care about your post and I don’t have time to actually read your post, but I DO want you to come back to my blog and leave a meaningful comment on MY post.” Again, it’s all about reciprocity people!  Honestly, I have left comments thanking people for stopping by my blog, but along with that I always include some feedback for the post in question.  I think a good rule of thumb is: If you can’t manage to come up with an authentic comment, then it’s best not to leave one.

- Turn off word verification! I can’t stress this one enough.  I had it for about a month on blogger, and then someone advised me to remove it.  And you know what?  I got WAY more comments after I took it off.  Don’t question this one.  Just DO IT!

KNOW YOUR BRAND

- Be clear on who you are. This is one area where I think I’m on the right track (or at least I hope I am)!  One thing that was too funny at boot camp was the fact that no one had any idea who I was when I introduced myself with my first and last name.  And I pretty much had no idea who anyone was when they introduced themselves with their first and last name either.  When you brought blog names into the mix however, it was a whole different story.  I heard a lot of, “OH YEAH!  I KNOW YOU!”  If people can immediately picture your blog in their head when you give them the name, then that is a good example of branding.

-Be clear on what you do. Make sure that when readers visit your blog, they easily get a sense of what exactly you write about.  Taglines or phrases in your header are an easy way to do this.  At the top of my blog, I have my title, The Mommyologist, and underneath I have my tagline: “Analyzing Motherhood with Laughter and Honesty, And Trying Not to Lose My Mind in the Process.”  This lets my potential readers know that I write about being a mom and that I use humor as my delivery method.  I think it’s pretty clear from my header that they aren’t going to find posts about gardening on my site.  Not that there’s anything wrong with that.  Gardening is great, and I wish I had the patience to do it.  But if I was going to write a gardening blog then I’d be the Flowerologist or something to that effect.

- Pick one or two Memes and stick with them. I won’t go into the whole debate over how the word Meme is actually pronounced (for the record, it rhymes with dream…Scary Mommy filled us in).  If you have one or two memes that you participate in on a consistent basis, then your readers know what to expect from you.  They will start to anticipate those posts and actually visit your blog without thinking about it because they are actually looking forward to your meme post.  I do What the Heck? Wednesday and I try to keep up with it every week when I can.  I even have a button for it now and I’m hoping more people jump on the bandwagon with me (hint, hint, wink, wink, shameless plug). I also have a new series that I’m working on that won’t be a weekly thing, but hopefully it will become something that people associate me with.

KNOW YOUR WORTH

- It’s ok to say NO. This was a big one for me.  I have just started to get into the whole review and giveaway thing on my blog, and to be honest it can be a little overwhelming at times.  It is so exciting when the emails from PR reps start rolling in and you start getting offers for giveaways and reviews.  I was so happy to finally be getting noticed that I found myself saying yes to pretty much every inquiry that I got.  And you know what?  I started to get stressed out.  I started to get overwhelmed.  I started to get snippy with the people around me as a result of being overwhelmed and stressed.  And that just isn’t good.  Blogging is supposed to be fun and it is supposed to be FOR YOU.  It is ok to set boundaries on what you will and won’t review and/or giveaway.  It is ok to speak up and ask for more when you feel as though you aren’t getting what you need in return for the advertising you are going to provide for a product.  And it is ok to say no.

KNOW THAT YOU HAVE SUPPORT

- There are plenty of people who are willing to help you. One of the very best things that I ever did as a blogger was to join SITS.  Putting that adorable leopard print button on my sidebar was one of the very first things that I did when I started my blog.  I didn’t even really know what it meant when I added it, but I do now.  I had the pleasure of meeting Tiffany, one of the SITS founders, this past weekend and her energy is absolutely contagious. She is truly passionate about what she does, and she offers an incredible support system for women bloggers.  The SITS motto is, “The Secret to Success is Support.”  I don’t think that it gets much more true than that.  If you aren’t a member of SITS yet, then head on over and join today.  You won’t believe the amazing connections you make.

Well, there you have it folks!  I didn’t touch on everything that was covered at Bloggy Boot Camp because that would’ve been virtually impossible to do if I ever intend on finishing this post.  With that being said, please feel free to email me at themommyologist(at)gmail(dot)com with any other questions you may have about what went on in Baltimore.  I am more than happy to share!

Well, Bloggy Boot Camp that is!  I cannot believe that the day has finally arrived!  I can’t wait to get on that plane tomorrow morning and head to Baltimore to finally meet some of you awesome blog ladies face to face!  And don’t even get me started on finally meeting my bloggy sister.  If we get along in real life half as good as we get along in the blog world, then the motherbitches of America better watch the hell out because we’ll be a force to be reckoned with!

I knew that I was going to try and squeeze a quick post in before I left somewhere in between packing and nursing the semi-out-of-character for me hangover that I woke up with today.  Guess I got a little too excited last night because the 100th episode of Ghost Hunters was on and I decided that it warranted having just one more vodka.  Thank GOD I did it last night instead of tonight, when I have to get on a plane the next day!  Yeah, that would’ve been a total disaster.  I’m feeling much better now after shoving a large order of fries from McDonald’s down my throat.  Seriously, is there anything better than grease for a hangover?

When I was in college, I dated a pre-med student for a while, and one night he and I got totally schnockered and both woke up the next day feeling like shit run over twice.  I headed straight for the drive-thru, and he fixed himself a bowl of fruit.  Guess which one of us was back up and running in an hour and which one of us was still hunched over at ten o’clock that night?  I rest my case.

Ok, back to Bloggy Boot Camp!  I’m stealing the idea of writing a quick “getting to know you” post from some of the other ladies who are going to be attending this weekend. To everyone who I will meet in Baltimore, here is all you need to know about me until we see each other in person:

-  I love my cocktails.  And I drink according to temperature.  If it’s warmer out, I prefer a nice citrus vodka with seltzer and a splash of cranberry, or a smooth Pinot Grigio if I’m in a wine mood.  If it’s chilly, I’ll take a glass of red wine, please.  (Maybe I wouldn’t have felt like ass this morning if I’d had wine instead of vodka.  I really need to try and stick to my principles a little better).

-  When you first see me, don’t be alarmed.  Yes, they are real.  And yes, they are fabulous.  And yes, I’m wearing this awesome red gel push-up bra that I bought at Target a few weeks ago and it takes me from a barely A cup to a barely C cup.  And no, they don’t normally look that perky.  I can’t take any of the credit.  It’s all the bra.

-  I don’t get out all that much and I don’t get to go to places where I actually get to wear grown up clothes and shoes very often either.  In celebration of my adult weekend, I will be wearing black heeled boots for the entire trip.  I’ve had them forever and they really aren’t all that cool and they are only ankle boots and I know that tall boots are in right now and ankle boots are kind of out, but please bear with me because that’s all I have.  And the toes are kind of scuffed up.  And if the hubster gets home and doesn’t have any black shoe polish, then I’m leaving them scuffed up and not worrying about it.  I figure that everyone will be too busy staring at my voluptuous breasts to notice anyway, so why waste my time polishing my shoes?

-  I haven’t had an eyebrow wax in over a month.  Nuff said.

-  For the past couple of days, I’ve barely had any voice at all.  Please don’t be afraid of me when I start talking, because I can assure you that I am totally germ-free.  This happens to me a few times a year for no apparent reason, and this is just one of those times.  I do sound kind of sexy though.  Now that I think about it, my new husky voice compliments my boobs really well.

I am SO excited to say this…SEE YOU ALL TOMORROW!!!

Ever since I got married a little over six years ago, I’ve had a bit of an issue to deal with.  Well, there’s been more than one issue, but this one just really kind of sticks out for me and for the longest time I didn’t know what to do about it.

You see, I am kind of a product whore.  I love my cleansers.  I love my moisturizers.  I love my serums.  I love my hoity-toity shampoos and conditioners.  And I love my body washes and body scrubs.

I wish someone had warned me six years ago that the man I was about to marry is a product whore too.  (That’s right honey!  I’m totally outing you right now).  Let me ask all of you lovely ladies a question.  Have you ever hopped into your shower on a busy Monday morning only to realize that there is not one drop of body wash left in the bottle? It’s happened to me on more than one occasion.  And the reason there is only one drop left in the bottle?  That’s easy!  The hubster just can’t seem to resist lathering himself from head to toe in whatever delicious smelling variety of body wash happens to be in our bathroom at the time.

I’m a lucky girl, because I recently found a solution to this problem.  The hubster has his OWN products to use now…and both of us couldn’t be more excited about it.

I was recently given the opportunity to review a new line of products that are just for men.  Dove Mencare was just launched, and it is going to save so many women from resorting to sitting on top of their product containers in the shower just to get one last drop out.

Dove designed this line so that men can finally feel comfortable in their own skin, with products that are specifically formulated to their needs. Most men don’t even realize that the irritation they feel on their skin is from using cleansers and soaps that are just way too harsh!  When he’s not digging into my stash of cleansers, my hubby has even been known to wash his face with the antibacterial soap that sits by our sink!  And that just can’t be good for his skin, especially in these cold winter months!  The new Dove Mencare products fight dry skin without any tightness or irritation, so it’s even great for those sensitive men out there!

You should’ve seen the look on the hubster’s face when the box from Dove showed up on our doorstep.  I won’t go into too much detail, but all I know is that I haven’t seen him that excited about anything in a while.  Included in the box was the Clean Comfort Face and Body Wash, the Body and Face Bar, and the Active Clean Shower Tool.  The hubster couldn’t believe that he not only received some awesome products to try, but that he also received, as he described it, “this really cool little scrubber brush thingy!”

That scrubber is now proudly displayed hanging in our shower and greets me every morning.  The hubster LOVES that thing.

He’s been using the Dove Mencare line for over a week now, and I must say that he has really raved about it!  He says that his skin always used to feel really dry after a shower, and now it feels much smoother and softer and he’s just much more comfortable.  And I seriously think that he just loves the idea of using products that are made for MEN.

And did I mention how great these products smell?  It’s nice for him to smell like the man that he is instead of a grapefruit.

I would highly recommend picking up the Dove Mencare line for the man in your life the next time you are at the store!  And if you click the link below, you will find a $1 coupon to use for these great products!  (Total plus)!

Dove Mencare Coupon

Dove wants to help men celebrate those unsung moments in their life, meaning those moments when they finally became comfortable with themselves.  Want to surprise the hubby with something great for Father’s Day?  Just click here and enter your man’s unsung moment story for a chance to win him a Backyard Makeover!  Isn’t that pretty much every man’s dream??  Pretty cool, huh?

Disclosure:  I was sent these products for free from Dove for my husband to sample before I wrote this review.  I was not compensated in any way to provide my review of these products.  All opinions expressed in this post are purely my own and are based on the feedback that my husband gave me about the products.  I am not a dermatologist or an aesthetician and I am not qualified to determine whether these products are right for men who have serious skin issues.  If your man has concerns about whether or not these products would be good for his skin, then I advise that he speak to one of these professionals first before using them.

As I sit here and type this post for yet another What the Heck? Wednesday, I’m thinking that it’s a pretty damn good thing that I write a blog and don’t have a radio show or something like that.  It’s also a pretty damn good thing that I’m not lined up to do any sort of public speaking engagements in the next couple days.  (The offers keep rolling in and I just can’t seem to choose from them).  And it’s also a pretty damn good thing that yesterday was my little man’s 4th birthday and that he got all sorts of cool new Playmobil toys and is completely engrossed in them this morning and hasn’t really tried to engage in much conversation with me.

Somewhere around 4:00pm yesterday, I started to lose my voice.  I’m not sick, but I’m pretty sure that there is something in the air that I’m allergic to, because this is about the third time in six months that I’ve lost my voice.  As much as I love Connecticut, I really think that there is a definite possibility that I’m allergic to this state.  Did I mention that Bloggy Boot Camp is this weekend?  Yep, that’s right.  BLOGGY BOOT CAMP.  The place where I finally get to meet some of my blog buddies in real life and also meet a bunch of new bloggers, learn about how to make myself a superstar (there’s a session on that, right?), and network and get some blog questions answered.  Something tells me that this whole networking thing is going to be a bit tough if I can’t actually TALK to people.  What the heck?

I didn’t spend much time on the computer yesterday because it was my son’s birthday and I had all my attention focused on him and the Ghost Pirates and Skull Island Play-set that we were enjoying, but I still couldn’t resist having my I-phone in close proximity so that I could check emails from time to time, etc.  I recently figured out how to set up my comments so that they come straight into my email inbox.  I love reading them and responding to them throughout the day.  I was thrilled that I seemed to be getting such a great response from Monday’s post all about parents who let their children behave like animals in public.  I was so happy to find out that I’m not the only mother out there who expects her child to refrain from belittling and bullying other kids around them, even when her child is practically exploding with energy as a result of being cooped up in the house like a chicken all winter.

Apparently not everyone shares my “Do The Right Thing” attitude.  The chick who left comment number 40 certainly didn’t.  What the heck?

According to little miss “SuperNanny would absolutely shit a brick if she had to deal with MY kid”, as I will so fondly refer to her, “boys like to roughhouse and if someone else’s kid gets hurt or upset it is not her problem because that’s what boys do.” She also threw in a nice little jab at the end of her comment and told me that, “if my kid can’t hack it, keep him at home.”

Keep him at home if he can’t hack it, huh?  NEWS FLASH: He’s FOUR.  FOUR! He doesn’t even know what it MEANS to hack it, let alone actually be able to defend himself against a NINE year old who is a foot taller than him and outweighs him by forty pounds!  WHAT THE HECK???

Keeping in tradition with the lunatic that I become when someone really ticks me off, I immediately got on Facebook and Twitter to vent my frustrations about this comment. To be honest, I really only expected my closest friends and maybe a few bloggers to actually go back into my post and check out what this chick had to say.

What happened next was nothing short of awesome.  SO many people had my back!  I cannot say a big enough THANK YOU to all of the wonderful bloggers, in addition to friends from the non-blogger world who came to my defense and shared my sentiments in being pretty angry at this woman.  I’ve always known that I have some pretty great people behind me, but I have never felt as supported as I did yesterday when the comments and emails and Twitter and Facebook posts started rolling in one right after the other in response to this nut-job.  And you know what? That deserves a big HECK YEAH!

I was all set to go in and delete that nasty comment, but I changed my mind.  I’m keeping it.  And I’m keeping it because I think that bullying is a subject that should be taken seriously.  I know that kids will be kids, and if I’m not mistaken I even stated that in my post, but if there aren’t some limits placed on children’s behavior when they are little, then what kind of examples are we setting for them as they grow into young adults?  If they are taught that it is ok to push a younger, smaller, defenseless child to the ground just so that they can be the first one to go down the slide, then aren’t we pretty much giving them a get-out-of-jail free card and a perfectly good excuse for beating the crap out of another kid (or worse) in the locker room simply because he is smaller and “CAN’T HACK IT?”

I know that I may sound a little over-the-top here, but it’s because bullying is something that I worry about every day.  It seems to be getting worse and worse with each generation, and I truly fear for my son’s safety once he becomes a teenager.  I wonder how this woman would’ve felt if she’d been a parent who lost a child at Columbine High School.  I know that example is on the very extreme end of things, but if parents don’t take the responsibility to ingrain the Golden Rule into their children at an early age, then they are just setting them up for a potential disaster down the road. And since this woman obviously has no idea what the Golden Rule is since she felt it necessary to leave such an inappropriate comment on my blog, here’s a refresher:  “Do To Others What You Would Like To Be Done To You.”

In closing, I’d like to personally THANK this woman not only for reminding me what a wonderful support group I have, but also for making me even more passionate and even more confident about being a blogger.  She made that comment to upset me, and it did, but it also made me feel EMPOWERED.  It made me feel like I HAVE A VOICE. And people are listening…even though they can’t hear me right now!

HECK YEAH!

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This past weekend was just plain awesome.  It was a busy one complete with lots of running around like a chicken with my head cut off, but it was worth it!  On Saturday, I attended a baby shower and had way more fun than I usually expect to have at a baby shower.  Great company, great food, great cake (not too sweet with a light and delish whipped cream frosting), and great champagne punch that I was definitely not shy about diving into once or twice (ok, so I had about four cups, but they were small cups. Ok, maybe they weren’t that small).

Since I was gone most of the afternoon on Saturday, yesterday was spent completely devoted to my husband and son.  We had a lazy morning at home, which consisted of lots of coffee and a new Wii fishing game, and then we went out to lunch at one of our favorite local deli’s, and then to the Connecticut Science Center…one of my son’s favorite spots to go with his Daddy.  That’s right, I said his DADDY.

You see, yesterday was only my second visit to the CT Science Center.  I went there once with my boys when it first opened, but since then, it has pretty much been designated as a “Daddy’s Day Out” kind of place.  The hubster was smart and bought us a membership on our first visit, and it has more than paid for itself.  He and my son have been at least a half a dozen times.  It’s kind of become their “thing” on weekends when Mommy is occupied with some kind of other adult activity.  My tagging along yesterday was a rare exception to this rule.  And now I know why.

Ok, it’s confession time.  And I’m sincerely hoping that my bloggy sister will forgive me for this one, especially since she and I are actually meeting (WOO-HOO!!!!) this coming weekend at Bloggy Boot Camp and sharing a hotel room!

I’m a pretty cool chick and most people like me (or at least I think so), but in certain situations, I can be kind of a motherbitch.  Again, I’m hoping my bloggy sister forgives me for not only admitting that I can be kind of a motherbitch sometimes, but also for borrowing her word for this post.

(My asking for her forgiveness is really just a formality because she is beyond awesome and won’t care that I act like a motherbitch once in a while and she certainly won’t care that I’ve stolen her word.  It’s not my first offense, by the way).

Let me go ahead and set the scene for you.  The CT Science Center has this awesome new exhibit all about polar bears and penguins and things found in the Arctic.  There is even this cool little polar bear’s den that you can crawl into and hide!  My son was terrified to go in there because there is also a little button that you push and it makes a sound like a polar bear’s growl.  The hubster was another story.  All six feet of him crawled into that two foot tall opening.  And I think he was pretty psyched about it.

I actually wondered why there weren’t a bunch of kiddos climbing over each other to crawl into this den.  It seemed kind of strange to me because I thought that this was the sort of thing that kids would go nuts for.  As we made our way to the other end of the exhibit, I figured out the reason for the uncharacteristic lack of children.  It was because there was another attraction on the other end of the room that was completely stealing the show.  Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the penguin slide.

The little guy doing a face plant going down the penguin slide?  Yep, that’s my son.  The little kid who is pushing him down the slide?  Yep, he belonged to some other parent who was nowhere to be seen.  And as for the guy in the right corner of the photo who is sort of giving me the evil eye?  Yep, that’s the hubster.  And he’s giving me the evil eye for a reason. He’s giving me the evil eye because after six years of marriage, there is a certain look on my face that he has come to know and most definitely doesn’t love.  I guess it’s the motherbitch look, which basically means that I’m about to have diarrhea of the mouth without giving a flying fig about who hears me.

You can’t see it in the picture because it is hidden behind the hubster, but there is a sign next to the penguin slide that gives the rules for the penguin slide.  I don’t remember exactly what they said word for word, but the gist of it was pretty much something like this:

- Remove your shoes

- Only one child at a time on the slide

- No pushing, hitting, shoving, etc.  (And if that wasn’t on the list of rules, it really should’ve been).

I really don’t care how square I sound right now, but those rules are put there for a reason.  And I’m pretty sure the reason has something to do with the fact that the CT Science Center doesn’t want some huge lawsuit against them because some kid cracked his chin open on the steps leading up to that slide (I witnessed one kid come within an inch of doing just that yesterday).  And I guess having that little sign right next to the slide is enough to take the liability off the higher-ups at the Science Center.  And I guess that the good folks at the Science Center are operating under the assumption that people will actually pay attention to these rules.  And guess what?  Most people just don’t give a crap.

First and foremost, I want to state very clearly that I am NOT faulting the kids who were playing on that slide yesterday.  Kids are expected to break the rules, because they’re kids and that’s what they do.  My problem lies with the parents who either stand there and do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING when their kids are clambering over mine and practically throwing him off the back of the slide so that they can get down it before he does.  My problem lies with the parent who wandered off to check out the penguin footprints around the corner and left their kid on the slide as he proceeded to shove MY kid down the slide and almost smashed his face into the fake ice.  And don’t even get me started about the parents who don’t make their kids take their shoes off before getting on the slide (Rule #1 people!), not to mention the little girl who failed to remove her shoes and proceeded to go down the slide with a PENCIL in her hand.  A PENCIL!!!

Thankfully no eyes were lost at the Science Center yesterday, but I’ll tell you one thing.  Everyone in the general vicinity of that slide could hear me talking VERY loudly to my son, making sure that he knew the rules.  Here’s a little excerpt.

“Ok sweetheart…YOU are going to wait your turn to go down the slide.  Just because SOME people don’t know how to wait THEIR turn doesn’t mean that YOU don’t have to wait YOUR turn.  (Hubster was turning red at that point).

“Um…EXCUSE ME….but I think the sign says that you’re supposed to take your SHOES OFF!”  ”Um, EXCUSE ME….but you are supposed to go DOWN the slide not UP it.”

“Sweetheart…watch out for these BIG kids because THEY AREN’T PAYING ATTENTION AND WILL CLIMB RIGHT OVER YOU!”

Oh yeah.  I was a complete and total motherbitch yesterday.  But in my defense, after I saw that one kid almost crack his chin in two, I just got a little nervous.  I mean, I was having such a great weekend and really didn’t need a trip to the ER thrown in.

And don’t even get me started on the germs that are probably on the bottom of those kids’ shoes.  I’m kind of a germophobe as it is, but throw in the fact that I’m headed to Bloggy Boot Camp on Friday and the fact that there are a million sickies running around this state right now and the fact that I will absolutely throw a toddler-style temper tantrum if one of us gets sick and I have to cancel my trip to Baltimore, and you’ve got yourself one neurotic motherbitch to deal with.

Yeah, I think that it’s probably best to keep the Science Center a father-son activity.

Now that I think about it….I think there was a disclaimer in really small print on that sign by the penguin slide.

“WARNING:  The Penguin Slide may cause some seemingly normal women to act like motherbitches.  Proceed at your own risk.”

Each and every single time I travel, I always get so excited to head over to Barnes and Noble to pick out a brand new book to pack in my carry-on bag.  There is something about sitting on a plane and getting lost in a good book for an hour or two that is just so relaxing to me these days.  I’m lucky, because I’ve finally reached that age with my son where he will sit next to me on a flight and look at his own books so that I can steal a few minutes with mine.  (Don’t hate me though, because I more than paid my dues as far as air travel goes when he was an infant.  I deserve every minute of silence that I get).

Before my trip to Florida last week, I didn’t have to make that Barnes and Noble trip because I was provided with a review copy of a new inspirational book, “When Turtles Fly”, by Olympic athlete Nikki Stone.  I honestly don’t think I could’ve been sent a more appropriate book for my first official book review.

For those of you who aren’t familiar with her, Nikki Stone was determined to be an Olympic athlete ever since she was a little girl, and she fulfilled that dream when she became America’s first Olympic champion in the sport of aerial skiing at the winter games in Nagano, Japan.  Her success at the Olympics was even more significant because of the fact that less than two years earlier, she endured a chronic spinal injury that prevented her from standing, and she wasn’t sure that she’d ever take to the slopes again.

Her determination to overcome her injury and continue on her journey of being an Olympic champion was inspired by some advice her mother gave her as a little girl.  In support of her daughter’s ambitions, Nikki’s mother taught her about a little thing called, “The Turtle Effect.”  Basically, if you want to be successful, you have to be soft on the inside, have a hard shell on the outside, and be willing to stick your neck out.

Nikki was committed to her goals no matter what challenges life threw at her, and despite her injury, she went on to win 35 World Cup medals, in addition to several World Titles, and a spot in the Ski Hall of Fame.  She never forgot about “The Turtle Effect”, and she applied it to every aspect of her life.  Her career is now focused on sharing her secrets to success through this book, and through motivational speaking, in order to inspire others to “stick their necks out” and reach for their dreams.

“When Turtles Fly” is filled with wonderful stories from other athletes, entrepreneurs, and other well known figures who have overcome their adversities and achieved great success in their lives.  While I was reading these stories, I started thinking about how these principles applied to my own dreams and goals as a blogger.  I thought that a great way to review this book was to examine the key elements of “The Turtle Effect” and to show how I believe they can benefit and improve my writing and my blog on a daily basis.  I’m hoping that maybe some of my readers will feel as inspired as I do by what I learned!

1.  ”To Be Successful, You Need To Make Sure You are Committed” – Find Your Soft Inside

I cannot tell you how many times I have an idea for a great post, and instead of immediately sitting down at the computer or grabbing a pen and paper to jot down notes, I start going over the usual excuses in my head such as: “I’m too tired right now…”,  ”I really need to throw a load of laundry in instead…”, “I’ll just wait and do it tomorrow…”

That last one seems to get me every single time.  And you know what the biggest downside of waiting till tomorrow is?  Nine times out of ten, by the time tomorrow rolls around I’ve completely forgotten whatever it was that I intended to write about.  Who knows how many awesome posts are floating around in the back of my brain somewhere because I didn’t take the time to grab a napkin and a piece of paper while I’m having lunch to jot a few thoughts down so I have those notes for later.

I will admit that I am also guilty of using the “I’ll do it tomorrow” excuse when it comes to returning emails, returning comments, and visiting other blogs on a consistent basis.  It is not that I don’t want to return those messages or comments, and it is not that I don’t want to visit other blogs, it’s just that sometimes I find myself feeling guilty about how much time I devote to trying to make my blog successful, and so I choose to do something else instead and I neglect my blog community “until tomorrow.”

You know what?  I’m not going to feel guilty anymore.  I know that this blog may not be something that I receive an outside paycheck for, but it is my baby.  It is my baby, and it is my little dream (though I’m not sure exactly what that dream is yet) and if it is going to be my baby and my dream, then I need to nurture it and be committed to it each and every single day.  Something about writing this blog just feels “right” to me, and so I’m going to listen to my “soft inside” and sit down and write and email and comment and visit when I need to.  No more guilt, no more waiting. The time is now.

2.  ”Overcome Your Adversities” – Have a Hard Shell

In a lot of the ventures I’ve taken on in the past, I’ve been so afraid of failure.  And not only have I been afraid of failure, I’ve actually been ashamed of failure.  There are things in my life that I definitely haven’t “gone for” because I have been too afraid of not succeeding to even give them a chance.  The saddest part is what is truthfully behind my fear of failure.  My fear of failure is really my fear of what other people will think of me if I do not achieve my goals.  I fear the whispering behind my back.  I fear the conversations that will be had between people discussing how “lame” they think whatever I’m doing is and how they know I’ll never make it work.  I fear how pathetic I will look if I go from being at the top of my game to the bottom.

Nikki Stone’s words encouraged me to ask myself a question presented in her book.  “If I knew I couldn’t fail, what would I try?”

I think that the possibilities of answers to that question are endless. I think that there are a lot of things that all of us would try if we were somehow assured beforehand that we had no chance of failure.  In thinking about this concept, I realized that facing the possibility of failure is part of what makes achieving our goals so much more meaningful.   If we are so passionate about something that we are willing to take risks in order to fulfill whatever dream we have for it, then when we finally do succeed, it will be so much more significant and important to us as individuals.  If success were simply handed to us without having to strive for it, then we probably wouldn’t hold it in such high regard.

In thinking more about my blog, I’ve determined that I really can’t fail. That’s right…I CAN’T FAIL.  Sure, I may have some setbacks, and I may have some struggles, and I may have writer’s block that makes me want to throw in the towel a time or two, and I may have my share of criticism from people who don’t agree with what I’m doing or saying, but none of that is enough to make me believe that I can fail.  I can only fail if I let myself fail. And I’m not going to allow that.

I think I finally have the confidence to PUT ON MY HARD SHELL as far as this blog goes.  As I’ve said before, I have no idea what the future holds for The Mommyologist, but to me, I’ve already succeeded.  I’ve gotten the chance to use my brain for something other than trying to figure out what sort of species Elmo is.  I’ve gotten the chance to express myself and to have an outlet that is solely for ME.  I’ve met some of the most amazing people and have made some wonderful friends who I never would’ve known if I hadn’t started my blog.  And if nothing else, twenty years from now I will have all of the funny little memories that I’ve shared with my son written down in one place.  But something tells me that my journey with this blog is far from over.  And that makes me positive that I can’t fail.

3.  ”Draw Inspiration From Others and Use Teamwork” – Stick Your Neck Out!

If this principle doesn’t apply to the blogging community, then I don’t know what does!  Nikki’s perspective on this concept is that when you are given a piece of wisdom or have learned an important lesson from someone that you respect, then you need to make them proud and live up to their advice and pass it on.  Wisdom is a gift and it is meant to be shared with others.  I have met so many amazing women (and a man or two!) since I started this blog, and every day I continue to be amazed by the sense of reciprocity that I feel in the blog world.  There are quite a few blogs that I have literally salivated over while reading their exceptional posts and thought to myself, “Wow.  I’d really like to be like that someday.”

What really amazes me is how these top bloggers, who I consider to be role models, are willing to take time out of their busy days to support me and answer questions that I have as a newer blogger without any hesitation. These people will never know how much I appreciate them or what an impact they’ve had on me.  (They know who they are and I won’t single any of them out because I don’t want to look all weird and stalker-ish).  I feel that in order to do them proper justice, I need to “Stick My Neck Out” and pass on their knowledge to other new bloggers when they have questions for me.  I think it would be pretty cool to feel like I’ve helped someone out!  I’m hoping maybe I’ve done that a little bit with this review!

There you have it folks!  To conclude my review of “When Turtles Fly”, I truly loved this book.  It made me feel inspired.  It made me feel empowered. And most of all, it made me want to set goals for myself and commit to achieving them no matter what it takes.  I highly recommend this book as a great read for anyone who needs to be reminded of what their dreams are, and how to reach for them.

Disclosure:  All opinions expressed in this review of “When Turtles Fly” are solely my own.  I was not influenced or compensated in any way by the author or publisher for my review.  I was sent a copy of the book to read in order to be able to give an honest opinion of it, and as a thank you for posting this review.

Well, it’s the last Thursday of the month already, and that means that it’s once again time for Time Out With Theta Mom Thursday! I really didn’t have high hopes for actually being able to get a post up today. I mean, I am still just so behind from the Wordpress move and from being in Florida for a week, and then to top it all off, the cleaning lady came today so instead of dropping my son off at preschool and then rushing home to get some good blog time at the computer in like I normally do, I wound up dropping him off, and then heading over to Babies R Us (a.k.a. The “we have everything you could possibly need for a baby but trust us, you won’t be able to find one damn thing on that registry in stock” store) to pick up a gift for a baby shower I’m attending on Saturday. I know, I know…I totally waited till the last minute to get a gift. Shame on me.  No wait a minute, that’s pretty typical behavior for me, so I have no shame.

Ok, back to today and back to Theta Mom Thursday!  I had big plans to take my son out for lunch and a possible haircut after picking him up from preschool, but it is raining cats and dogs out there today and I really just didn’t feel like running around all over the place, so I picked him up a happy meal and we are hunkered down at home for the afternoon.  And right now he is happily occupied by an episode of Caillou and his chicken nuggets and the chocolate chip cookie that I gave him as a consolation prize because the fine folks working at the McDonald’s drive-thru forgot to include the toy in his happy meal bag.  And I’m hoping I can manage to get this post done before he forgets about the cookie and starts thinking about his non existent toy again.

The day may be half over, but I’m still finding time to link up for Theta Mom Thursday, and you can too!  All you have to do is head over and grab her button here, and then write your own post about an hour you spent during the month without the kiddos and did something for yourself!

I am totally bending the rules today for Theta Mom Thursday, but she’s always so supportive and I know she will understand.  I’m just having the worst time trying to juggle everything on my plate this week!  That being said, since my kiddo is occupied right now, I’m using THIS hour as my time out, even though I know that it doesn’t officially count because he’s still in the house with me.  I am just WAY overdue for posting some lovely awards given to me by my awesome blog buddies, and it is about time that I properly thanked them!

The first award I received was the Beautiful Blogger Award.

I was given this award by these four other beautiful blogs:

Coffee Mugs and Sippy Cups

This, That and The Other Thing

La Fin DuMond Farm

Atlanta Mom’s Guide to Fun, Fellowship, and Sanity

I really appreciate all of them thinking of me and making me a recipient of this beautiful award!  I am so sorry that it has taken me so long to accept it!

I was also so happy to receive the Happy 101 award from my friend Rebecca over at The Blessings of Modern Domestication.  She just had a beautiful baby boy, so make sure to stop by and congratulate her!

With all the rain that we’ve had the past couple days, I could sure use some sunshine!  Guess I’m a very lucky girl because I received the Sunshine Award from Heather at Two Little Monkeys Plus Hubby. It came just in time!

I was also more than thrilled to receive the Best Blog Award from Busy Lil’ Monkey.  I am humbled that she would choose me to fit into that category in any way, shape, or form!

Lastly, my friend Shane at Calgary Daddy went one step further with the whole award thing and actually created his own award for some of us mommy bloggers who he’s gotten to know and enjoys reading!  He is awesome and his new baby boy, Kyron, is just the cutest thing ever.  If you haven’t visited him yet, please do today!

WHEW!  I feel so much better now that I’ve acknowledged all of these wonderful bloggers and thanked them for acknowledging me.  I do want to add that I was given another award from SingedWing Angel, but I could not access her profile from the comment she left me, and I googled that name and had no luck finding her blog so that I could accept my award! I tried to figure out who it was from my Google Reader too, but I can’t seem to pin her down!  If she is reading this, or if anyone has her blog address, please let me know so that I can properly thank her and let her know that the award did not go unnoticed!

I know that as far as blog awards go, it is customary to pass them on to other great bloggers out there!  I swore I’d never do this, but I’m going to go ahead and just offer these awards to any of my wonderful readers who would like to accept them.  I don’t know that I could go through and try and single any one out this week, and I think that all of the blogs I visit are deserving of these awards, so please feel free to grab any one of them (or all of them) if you’d like!

There you have it folks!  There’s my time out for today.  I’d like to add that my son devoured his happy meal, and that cookie I gave him in place of his happy meal toy, and now he is devouring the little dish of M&Ms I gave him so that he’d go back into the family room and play with his pirate ship toy and let me finish this post.

I think I’ll make a mental note to take a REAL time out in March!

Hello to all of my wonderful blog buddies!  I am back from Florida and I’m completely overwhelmed with how behind I am on my blog, so please bear with me for the next couple weeks as I try to catch up and get back into some sort of normal routine!  Between the big Wordpress switch and a week’s vacation in Florida, I’m just all out of sorts right now.

I figured that the best place to start as far as getting back into my routine goes is to get back on my What The Heck? Wednesday bandwagon!  As part of my blog makeover, Lauren at Restored 316 Designs made me this awesome button for my What The Heck? Wednesday series.  I’m hoping to have some other bloggers join me in my ranting and raving each week, so feel free to grab the button from my sidebar on the left for a little What The Heck? action of your own!  My goal is to add a link-up to the series in the next couple weeks, so be sure and check back for that if you’d like to participate.

I think that the best place to start is with our trip home from Florida yesterday.  A little tidbit that I’m sure most of you don’t know about me is that I happen to be a VERY seasoned traveler.  I’ve been this way since I was a little girl, first and foremost because my parents started taking me on airplane trips from a very early age, and second of all because my mother worked for the airlines for many years.  After college, I even worked in aviation security for about a year and half (which was the coolest job in the whole world…don’t even get me started on it).  I guess I just have air travel in my blood.  And now it seems as though I’ve passed this trait on to my son.  He’s been flying with me since he was three months old, and the kid has it down to a science.  He is a total and complete air travel pro, so don’t even try and mess with this little dude if you ever encounter him on a flight.  Especially on a flight from hell like the one we had yesterday.

Our flight segment from Jacksonville to Philadelphia was totally uneventful, which pretty much constitutes a perfect flight to me.  There were no bumps, no bruised elbows, and no bratty passengers or flight attendants to deal with.  Our flight segment from Philadelphia to Hartford, on the other hand, was a completely different story.

Before we took off, the pilot announced that the duration of the flight would only be 37 minutes from take-off to touch-down (score!), but he also announced that we’d be flying at an altitude of only 19,000 feet.  As soon as he said that, I knew that we were in for a teeth chattering sort of ride.  At 19,000 feet there was no smooth air yesterday. Instead, there were huge patches of cumulus clouds waiting to toss our plane around as if it were inside a washing machine.  And that is pretty much exactly what happened immediately after take-off.  What the heck?

We were seated in the very last row of the plane, which is ironically the bumpiest spot you can possibly sit in.  The girls across the row from me were holding hands and kind of clutching each other for most of the flight.  The guy diagonally in front of us was hanging on to the the seat back in front of him for dear life and kept yelling, “OH GOD!” every time we hit a big air pocket (total wuss)!  I was fine, because I am an extremely good flyer, but I have to admit that I was pretty worried about unintentionally peeing my pants a little bit with each bump.  I mean, I can’t even get on the mini-trampoline with my son at the kiddie gym because I start to pee a little bit. What can I say?  My bladder loves to remind me that it just doesn’t have the control that it used to before it was smushed to bits by an eight pound baby.  Guess it’s still a little bitter about that.  What the heck?

I’m sure that you’re all wondering how my little stud was dealing with the roller coaster ride from hell.  While the rest of the passengers on that flight were blessing themselves and trying to keep their lunches down (everyone did and I was totally impressed and kind of shocked), my little stud propped himself up on his travel pillow, put his legs in my lap, and proceeded to look at the new “Lego Ultimate Sticker Collection” book that my parents had bought him earlier that week for the entire flight.

image credit amazon.com

Honestly, I don’t even know how he managed to look at that book with all the bouncing around, but he did that and MORE.  He chatted away for the entire flight and pointed out each and every action figure in that sticker book and described each one to me.  He didn’t flinch ONCE at the bumps.  What the heck? From now on, I’m referring to the “Lego Ultimate Sticker Collection” as the “Turbulence Whisperer.”  I will never get on a plane again without making sure to pack it.

After we finally touched down and were safely back on land, I looked at my son and told him what a good boy he was and that I thought he should be a pilot someday.  He looked at me and said, “No thanks!  I think I’ll be a rock star instead.” What the heck?

In another unrelated matter, but totally “What the heck?” worthy, none the less, this morning, I stopped by the Alexa website and thought it was so interesting to be able to see what the top keywords driving traffic to my blog were for search engines.  The results still have me laughing.

1.  ”Excuse me you with the black belt.”

2.  ”Are you gonna eat all them cheese sandwiches?”  (My personal favorite)

3.  ”Half men stand after poop.”

WHAT THE HECK???

One more thing that deserves a huge What the heck? this week is the fact that I am WAY overdue for writing an awards post.  Please know that I plan on doing this in the next couple of days and that I truly appreciate all of the people who presented me with awards!  I feel like a total slacker.  What the heck?

Greetings from sunny Florida!  I am having a wonderful week down here in St. Augustine visiting my parents.  My little man has been getting a very good dose of grandparent spoiling the past few days, and it will probably take me at least a week to reverse the damage when I get back home, but you know what?  It’s worth it.  And isn’t that what grandparents are supposed to do?  He is in total heaven when he’s with them.  And quite frankly, so am I!  It is so nice to get a much needed break and to have some help keeping tabs on my little energizer bunny.

We made another run to Target yesterday to pick up a few more toys that my son absolutely does not need in the slightest (unless of course, you ask Grams), and I was so pleased to find that all of the new Hollywood smut magazines were out and ripe for the picking.  All of them were featuring stories about The Bachelor on the cover, which is something that I just can’t seem to resist these days.  I swear that the show just gets more and more scripted each and every season, but I will be the first to admit that I don’t care if it is a little less than reality because I get roped into the drama and I’m a total sucker for a good scandal.  I can hardly wait to see what all goes down on “The Women Tell All” special next week.

After reading US Weekly and Star, I picked up my issue of Life & Style magazine and started thumbing through trying to find the latest dish on Vienna’s scandalous past.  A few pages into the issue, I totally forgot about Vienna and had to restrain myself from yelling out a couple of expletives right in front of my son when I came across a story featuring new mother, Gisele Bundchen. Ladies and Gentlemen…Miss Gisele has officially taken celebrity bullshit to a whole new level.  I’m going to refer to it as “ICB”, which stands for “Insane Celebrity Bullshit.”

The main title of the story wasn’t what caught my eye.  It was the little box at the bottom of the page that made me want to scream, “Oh For Fu*&’s SAKE!” at the top of my lungs. Are you ready??

It read:

“Is Gisele the luckiest mom ever? Three reasons every mother in America is jealous of the Brazilian beauty.”

photo credit www.popsugar.com

Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have even read further to find out what those three reasons were, but I just couldn’t help myself.  And after reading them?  I’m pretty convinced that Miss Giselle deserves a good ass-kicking.  And I’d be happy to be the one to take her out.  Let’s delve a little deeper into what the ICB Queen had to say.

Reason #1:  ”She didn’t need maternity clothes.”

Um, excuse me? Can somebody please tell me why in the hell Miss Gisele thought it was necessary to brag to every mother in America that she “still fit into her size 4 wardrobe while nine months pregnant?”  Now, don’t mistake me, because I’m not accusing her of lying here.  In fact, she is so freakin’ tiny that I don’t think this admission is entirely impossible.  What bugs me about it and what makes me label it as “ICB” is the fact that she’s acting like she should win some sort of award for gaining such a small amount of weight during her pregnancy and for not having to wear maternity clothes.  You know what I have to say to Miss Giselle?  It goes something like this:

“You still fit into your size 4 wardrobe while nine months preggo?  I’m happy for you honey, but you know what?  When I was nine months pregnant I couldn’t even fit into my maternity outfits anymore let alone my pre-baby clothes. The only thing that I could manage to squeeze my ever-expanding ass into was a maternity track suit, and to be quite honest even that was pushing the limits of what was considered too tight for a 40-plus weeks pregnant chick to wear.  And you know what else?  I may have looked like somebody had stuck an air pump in my ass and inflated me to maximum capacity, but I delivered a perfectly healthy 8 lb. baby boy and he was worth every stinkin’ pound. And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat.  Now quit bragging about how damn skinny you are and stop making other women feel bad about themselves and go eat a freakin’ cracker or two instead!”

What really worries me about this story is that somewhere out there, a newly pregnant girl is reading it, and she is already insecure about gaining baby weight and about her regular clothes not fitting her anymore, and she is going to read this article and think that if Giselle can manage not to buy maternity clothes, then she shouldn’t have to either. And then when she enters her second trimester and finds that she can’t pull her jeans over her thighs anymore and is going to have to resort to buying maternity clothes, she will feel like she failed herself in some way.  And then I get worried that she will take more drastic measures to avoid gaining too much weight while pregnant.  And that just makes me so sad and scared for her and her precious baby.

Reason #2:  ”She had a painless birth.”

Ok, I don’t even know where to begin with this one.  I’m sure that some people have the luxury of having no pain during childbirth, but I’m guessing for the most part, this is not the norm.  Miss Giselle said that her at-home water birth was a breeze, and that it “wasn’t even painful, not even a little bit.”  She also said that with every contraction she focused on the fact that the baby was getting closer to arriving instead of focusing on the pain.  (I thought she didn’t have any pain?  Wait a minute…now I’m confused).  All I know is that before I got my epidural, I couldn’t do anything other than focus on the fact that it felt like my insides were being ripped apart and fed through a paper shredder.

I want to make it perfectly clear that I have a huge amount of respect for women and the choices they make during childbirth.  Everyone is different, and everyone has certain things that are important to them during their delivery.  Bringing a child into the world is one of the most spiritual experiences we have as women, and I think that everyone is entitled to their choice of birthing method.  For the record though, just because some of us choose to have anesthesia to relieve the pain does not make us any less wonderful mothers than those who choose to go the natural route.  For me, if there was any hope of me enjoying any part of my son’s birth, I definitely needed some relief after being in labor for almost 24 hours.  And I’m not ashamed of my choice.  And no other mother in America should be ashamed of hers.  And it makes me totally nuts that Miss Giselle is insinuating that she is some sort of superhero because she didn’t feel any pain while delivering her son.  (Or did she?  Again, I’m really confused).

Reason #3:  ”She was back to work in 6 1/2 weeks.”

Ahhh…yes.  I’m starting to see a trend here.  It started with Heidi Klum, and now Miss Giselle has jumped on the “I was back on the runway just six weeks after squeezing a human head out of my cha-cha“ bandwagon.  This is “ICB” at its very finest for sure.  Somehow in Hollywood, your worth as a mother seems to be measured by how fast you can shed the baby weight and how fast you can get right back to work after your bundle arrives.  God forbid any of these ladies should take the traditional 12-week maternity leave that is pretty standard in this country.  Nope!  They’ve just gotta see who can prance around in a bikini post-baby the fastest.

Miss Giselle took the “I’ll show you what a real Supermom looks like” concept a step further.  She’s definitely going for the gold medal on this one.  According to Giselle, the second day after the baby’s arrival she was, “walking, washing dishes, and making pancakes in the kitchen.”  Ok, let me get this straight.  TWO DAYS after giving birth, this chick is not only up and at ‘em and walking around, but she actually has the time to make freakin’ PANCAKES and do the DISHES for crying out loud?”  Huh?  I wonder who is tending to the baby while she’s playing June Cleaver?

Two days after I brought my son home, I was walking around too.  Of course, I looked like I had a stick up my ass and I was kind of hunched over and I really wasn’t moving too swiftly.  And Miss Giselle may have been washing dishes two days post-partum, but I had the pleasure of washing my episiotomy stitches with the complimentary squirt bottle from the hospital bathroom instead.  (Take that Giselle)! And as for making pancakes?  Screw that!  The hubster and I had memorized each and every single take out menu item in the greater Highlands Ranch, Colorado vicinity for the first two MONTHS after we had our son.  I was lucky if I could pour a glass of water without falling asleep standing up and spilling it all over myself let alone attempt to make PANCAKES!

Even with the huge dose of “ICB” that Giselle gave in that issue of Life & Style, she did have a couple of semi-redeeming statements.  She did admit that she does not have a nanny right now, but that her mother has been staying with her since before her son was born.  I gotta give the chick credit for admitting that she has SOME kind of help.  She also admitted that she isn’t getting much sleep and that the baby nurses every two to three hours.  I guess that was the only part of the article that sounded somewhat believable. I’m definitely not letting her off the hook though.  For now, she’s definitely the reigning “ICB” Queen.  I can’t wait to see who steals her crown in a future issue of Life & Style.  Stay tuned!

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