Alright ladies…if I’m going to tell it like it is, then let’s get down to business. You have officially made the transition from Diva to Mommy when your entire universe revolves around one thing: POOP!

Remember those days when the very thought of poop made you run for the hills? Remember how appalled you were if someone farted in front of you? Remember when you first got really serious with your boyfriend and you were completely terrified of going away with him for the weekend due to the fear of possibly having a bowel movement in the hotel bathroom you were sharing? God forbid the new love of your life should know that you do, in fact take a crap every day. Whatever would he think???

Yeah, those days are GONE the minute that little bundle of joy arrives. Since my son was born, I have become obsessed with poop. From that very first day in the hospital, I was worried about how often he pooped, what color the poop was, what was the consistency of the poop, etc. etc. How could something that was once so repulsive completely take over my universe? I remember my son being constipated at around 6 weeks old. The poor thing hadn’t produced a turd for like 5 days. I couldn’t eat. I couldn’t sleep. I couldn’t focus on anything else because all I could think about was when that little bugger was going to let loose!! I also remember the joy I felt as I held him in my arms and he finally started grunting, turning purple, and making the “poop face.” It was one of the most exciting moments I’d had as a new mom.

Three and a half years later, not much has changed. I still worry and think about my son’s poop way more than I do about other things going on in the world. I have also talked about my son’s poop habits to a lot of my close friends, and in turn I know just as much about their kids’ poop. Who knew that this “crap” could bring women together? Congratulations. Once you’ve made this poop transition, you are a member of an exclusive club. Welcome to Motherhood!

The Mommyologist’s words of wisdom to all new moms: “The Poop Shall Set You Free!”

Need a little comic relief during your chaotic day as a personal concierge to however many children you have? Yeah, ME too!

I decided to start this blog after having an epiphany while sitting in a booth having lunch at a local pizza restaurant. For about the hundreth time, my son looked at me as soon as our food arrived and announced that he “needed to go pee-pee.” I scooped him up, along with my purse and headed to the ladies room. After I let him do his business and washed both of our hands to appease the germophobe that I’ve become, I took him back to our booth only to find the bus-girl clearing our table…AGAIN. I told her that we were not done eating lunch, that we were in the restroom, and that this happens to me every time we go out. You would think that the matchbox cars stuck to the ball of pizza dough that they give the kids to play with would have tipped her off that we had not left the restaurant.

At any rate, as I sat there thinking about how many times this has happened to me, I realized that this has probably happened to every other Mom in America. Thus, The Mommyologist was born. This is a place where you can take a few minutes out of your day to have a laugh about the roller coaster ride that is motherhood. I will tell it like it is with no sugar-coating, and hope that I will help other moms define the new “normal” that comes with being a mother. It is the most wonderful, but also the most difficult journey of your life. I know I wouldn’t trade it for anything…not even to make it through a whole lunch without worrying that the bus-girl is going to throw away my food.