Darker Hair and a Lighter Attitude

This past Saturday, I finally did something that I’d been wanting to do for a long time. I’ve been a blond ever since I was about 13 years old, and you know what? I was just damn sick of it. I looked totally washed out. I decided that being blond just didn’t correctly represent who I am right now, so I took the plunge and went for a darker shade. I’m starting off 2010 as an official brunette and I couldn’t be happier with my new look. (Please feel free to give me your opinion…that is unless you don’t like it. Keep it to yourself at that point because I don’t want to start the new year off by giving anyone a piece of my mind).

I figure if I’m going into 2010 with a fresh new look, I might as well go ahead and join the other millions of people out there who are frantically compiling a list of New Year’s Resolutions in the last few days of 2009. I’ve decided that there are some things that I need to change, and also some things that I just need to move on and let go of in order to make 2010 my best year ever.

1. This year, I pledge to do my best to make friends (or at least talk to) the other moms at my son’s preschool even though for whatever reason, most of them look at me like I am just way too new to the mom-sphere to have any idea as to what the hell I’m doing as far as raising my son goes. I’ve concluded that the fact that he doesn’t have an older sibling who attends elementary school with their older children and the fact that I also don’t have an infant car seat draped over one arm as I attempt to get my child through the door of the preschool without banging that car seat against another child’s head somehow makes me unworthy of being in “the club.” I’ve got news for these (ahem) ladies: just because they happen to have older kids and have been around the block a little more on the whole mom thing doesn’t give them the authority to treat me like a freshman in high school. I’m still a mom, and a damn good one if I do say so myself, and since our kids are in the same class I think that we should all at least make an effort to speak to one another. Of course…it could be that they are just jealous of the fact that I am confident enough that I don’t actually give a crap that they don’t talk to me. Whatever the reason, I’m making an effort with these chicks this year. Little do they know that they’ll be following The Mommyologist by 2011.

2. This year, I will not join the masses and make some boring resolution about how I’m going to lose 5 or 10 pounds. Instead, I’m going to accept the fact that I am not in my twenties anymore, and that I will probably never look quite as good as I did on my wedding day ever again. That being said, I am still a MILF. That’s right, I said it! I am declaring myself a MILF in 2010 (especially with my new do) and vowing to love each and every square inch of my body…or at least act like I do. It has taken me diet after diet to realize that I’d much rather have an extra five pounds of love on my bod than stick to the WADS diet (no wheat, alcohol, dairy, or sugar) and starve and be miserable for the rest of my life. Pass the pizza please…and what the hell…pour me another glass of vino!

3. This is one that I definitely need to try and stick to. This year, I will focus my energy less on the people who don’t matter and more on the people who do. The people who don’t matter include, but are not limited to: the drivers who cut in front of me on the highway and almost run me off the road, (at which point I usually give them the finger and then tailgate them and lay on the horn for a while), the mothers at the playground and other public facilities whose children practically torture mine and they just stand there without doing a thing to stop it (I keep reminding myself that yelling at them or their kids could potentially land me in prison), and last but not least, the “frenemies”. C’mon…we all have them somewhere in our lives. These are the people who act like our friends to our face, but do nothing but badmouth us behind our backs. To be honest, I just won’t have time for that high school crap in 2010. I’ll be too busy having fun with my “lifer friends” and making new friends through my blog. I vow to tell myself everyday that these people are not worthy of my energy…all they do is deflate me…and this gal just isn’t into that anymore!

4. If I happen to attend any baby showers this year, I will not mutter any “little miss know it all” comments under my breath while the mother-to-be is opening her gift from her grandmother, which turns out to be some absolutely gorgeous hand-knitted white sweater. Even if all I can possibly think about at that moment is that beautiful sweater being covered in regurgitated sweet potatoes, I promise to just smile, nod, and say, “Awww!!” with everyone else in the room. There is really no need for me to burst her bubble…she’ll find out the truth for herself soon enough. In the meantime, I will take comfort in the fact that I know that I will be sending her home from the baby shower with the Mommyologist’s S-Lister Survival Kit, which will fully equip her with everything she needs for a somewhat insanity-free first few months.

5. This year, I 100% promise to be much better at sending out thank you notes for the wonderful and thoughtful gifts I receive in a more timely manner. I am the first to admit that I’m not always the best at this one, and to anyone who has not received a note from me on time (or not at all) please know that it was not due to lack of appreciation for your generous gift. I think I know better than to use the “I’m a Mom and I just don’t have time” excuse, but honestly I really don’t have a better one than that. I promise that your gift was much appreciated and I think about how lucky I am all the time to have people in my life who care about me so much. The truth is, sometimes I just get so caught up in my day-to-day routine and I keep putting those notes on the back burner until it gets to a point where it’s been so long since the actual gift was received that I figure you’d almost be insulted by my long overdue thank you note. Ok, I know what you’re thinking. I’m sure it’s something to the effect of, “This chick has time to blog…but she can’t take a few minutes to write me a little note and drop it in the mail?” I think the same thing every time I forget to send one, so in 2010, I am making a promise to myself and to all of you to send the notes out more promptly.

6. This is a tough one for me, but I feel that it needs to be addressed. This year, I will finally accept the fact that my husband lives in this house too, and that gives him the full right to use any bathroom in the house that he chooses without being subjected to looks of disgust from me. I am finally letting go of my dream (for now) of having his and her bathrooms, or better yet, a port-o-potty that sits in our backyard where he can go if I’m anywhere in his general vicinity when he needs to use the crapper. I mean, the guy does pay the mortgage, so I figure I need to cut him some slack and let him use the throne when he needs to. It’s the least I can do. And I might as well throw in the master bedroom closet as well. It’s his closet too, and if I am going to constantly bitch and moan about the mounds of laundry that he piles up on that closet floor, then maybe I should make a conscious effort in 2010 to just get off my ass and actually DO the laundry if I want the closet to have any sense of organization.

7. This year, I am going to make an effort to keep my mouth shut when it needs to be. A good example of this was when I was in the Philadelphia airport a couple months ago. I had the privilege of traveling alone that weekend (I had even been upgraded to First Class and could board the plane first). One of my biggest pet peeves is when the gate agent calls the “pre-board” and the whole terminal gets up to board the flight. One of my even bigger pet peeves is when that pre-board is called and the First Class passengers push to the front…and try and cut in front of the people with small children and strollers. I may have not had my child or stroller on this particular day in Philly, but there was another family who did. They had twin little girls and you could just tell that they were not regular seasoned travelers and that they really had their hands full. They politely got in line to board the plane behind about four or five other men who were all carrying briefcases…no kids. My blood was really starting to boil at this point, so I took it upon myself to speak up VERY loudly and tell those men to step aside and let that stroller through! Of course, I couldn’t stop there. Nope. I had to go into a whole thing about how rude some people can be and how they call the pre-board for a reason, blah, blah, blah. I don’t know who was more embarrassed, the men who had cut in front of this woman and her stroller or the woman herself. The poor chick was totally mortified! Next time, I’ll shut up. Next time, I’ll just roll my eyes instead of saying anything. But next time, I’m hoping these yahoos will have read my Rules of Etiquette for Air Travel before even thinking of cutting in front of a stroller again.

8. This year, I am committed to working on my patience. Somewhere along the line, I have to realize that no one is going to die if I am five minutes late to an event. Of course, I am very big on punctuality, so five minutes late to me actually means being on time and being on time actually means being ten minutes early. Instead of getting a bit short with my son when I’m trying to get him dressed and out the door on a preschool morning so that we can make it in time to arrive at the school before the classroom doors are opened, I will get down on his level and sit on the floor and just play with him for an extra five minutes. Or I will read him a story, or I will just give him a big hug and a kiss and tell him how much I love him and how special he is to me. I am so lucky that he is a total cuddler and loves snuggling with me, but I know that this phase won’t last forever. We got so many beautiful Christmas cards this year, and one of my favorites on the mantle is from the family that I used to babysit for when I was in high school. They have three beautiful children who are now all grown up. I think the youngest is probably 17. I look at that picture and it seems like yesterday that I was sitting around their kitchen island with them enjoying a pizza while their parents went out for dinner and a show. I know all too well that before I know it, that picture on the mantle will be of my little man, all grown up right before my eyes. I am going to savor every second of love that he’s willing to give me now, while he’s little, even if it makes me a few minutes late.

9. This year, I think that I will finally accept the fact that motherhood is hard. I’ve spent the past three years trying to figure out what I am doing wrong and what I could possibly be doing to make things easier on myself. The reality is that when it comes to raising kids, there really is no “right way” of doing things, and there certainly isn’t an easy path to take. It has taken me almost four years to realize that being a mom is the absolute most wonderful job that I’ve ever had, and I don’t need some big jet-setting career to be my source of fulfillment. Just because I stay at home with my child does not mean that my job isn’t important. It is beyond difficult sometimes, and there are no vacation or sick days or insurance or 401k or office birthday parties in the break room where someone brings in a delicious homemade cake and I have the luxury of sitting on my ass for an hour, but you know what? The benefits of this job are good enough for me. I’ll take the kisses and cuddles and “I love you mommy!” statements as my source of payment, and this year I’ll appreciate all of it much more. I’m saying it again, “Motherhood is HARD.” But isn’t anything in life that is worth anything at all hard? No more searching for me. This year, I’m surrendering to my life as a mom. And I love it.

10. I really should’ve put this one at #1, but it’s a good way to close my New Year’s resolutions. In 2010, I am resolving to make time to sit down and call all of those friends and family members who I think about on a daily basis and always have every intention of calling, but never seem to get around to it. I get so close to picking up the phone, but then I get wrapped up in something way less important, and I say, “I’ll do it tomorrow.” How many of you are guilty of the same thing? There are just so many different and much less personal ways of communicating these days, and I know that I get wrapped up in it because sometimes it just seems easier. Between email, Facebook, Twitter, and texting, it is just all too easy sometimes to shoot someone a quick message instead of grabbing a cup of coffee, taking a seat on the couch, and picking up that phone to have a nice, long, much-needed catch-up session. I found myself in this same trap yesterday. I had been meaning to call my dear friend from Denver for months. And by months I pretty much mean that it had been almost a year since I’d spoken to her over the phone. I finally picked up that receiver yesterday and dialed her number and it was just so wonderful to hear her voice again. You can’t hear someone’s voice over Facebook, that’s for sure. I promise in 2010 that I will make more time for the people who are important to me.

Well, there you have it folks! I’m hoping that writing everything down will help me hold myself accountable to everything I’ve pledged! This will be my last post of the year. I am taking the rest of this week off to spend with my irreplaceable husband and son and I will look forward to catching up with all of you in 2010. Happy New Year!!

The Mommyologist’s Last Word: I’d like to close 2009 by leaving you all with a new favorite quote that I read in a Danielle Steel novel a few months ago. I know, Danielle Steel isn’t exactly a hard read, but I was on a plane alone and needed a no-brainer and so I grabbed one of her novels at the airport newsstand, and much to my delight I found this quote. I think it pretty much sums things up:

“You never know in life. You have to be grateful for what you have, for as long as you have it. Fate is unpredictable, and sometimes we don’t know how blessed we are until things change.”