Greetings from sunny Florida! I am having a wonderful week down here in St. Augustine visiting my parents. My little man has been getting a very good dose of grandparent spoiling the past few days, and it will probably take me at least a week to reverse the damage when I get back home, but you know what? It’s worth it. And isn’t that what grandparents are supposed to do? He is in total heaven when he’s with them. And quite frankly, so am I! It is so nice to get a much needed break and to have some help keeping tabs on my little energizer bunny.
We made another run to Target yesterday to pick up a few more toys that my son absolutely does not need in the slightest (unless of course, you ask Grams), and I was so pleased to find that all of the new Hollywood smut magazines were out and ripe for the picking. All of them were featuring stories about The Bachelor on the cover, which is something that I just can’t seem to resist these days. I swear that the show just gets more and more scripted each and every season, but I will be the first to admit that I don’t care if it is a little less than reality because I get roped into the drama and I’m a total sucker for a good scandal. I can hardly wait to see what all goes down on “The Women Tell All” special next week.
After reading US Weekly and Star, I picked up my issue of Life & Style magazine and started thumbing through trying to find the latest dish on Vienna’s scandalous past. A few pages into the issue, I totally forgot about Vienna and had to restrain myself from yelling out a couple of expletives right in front of my son when I came across a story featuring new mother, Gisele Bundchen. Ladies and Gentlemen…Miss Gisele has officially taken celebrity bullshit to a whole new level. I’m going to refer to it as “ICB”, which stands for “Insane Celebrity Bullshit.”
The main title of the story wasn’t what caught my eye. It was the little box at the bottom of the page that made me want to scream, “Oh For Fu*&’s SAKE!” at the top of my lungs. Are you ready??
It read:
“Is Gisele the luckiest mom ever? Three reasons every mother in America is jealous of the Brazilian beauty.”
photo credit www.popsugar.com
Honestly, I probably shouldn’t have even read further to find out what those three reasons were, but I just couldn’t help myself. And after reading them? I’m pretty convinced that Miss Giselle deserves a good ass-kicking. And I’d be happy to be the one to take her out. Let’s delve a little deeper into what the ICB Queen had to say.
Reason #1: ”She didn’t need maternity clothes.”
Um, excuse me? Can somebody please tell me why in the hell Miss Gisele thought it was necessary to brag to every mother in America that she “still fit into her size 4 wardrobe while nine months pregnant?” Now, don’t mistake me, because I’m not accusing her of lying here. In fact, she is so freakin’ tiny that I don’t think this admission is entirely impossible. What bugs me about it and what makes me label it as “ICB” is the fact that she’s acting like she should win some sort of award for gaining such a small amount of weight during her pregnancy and for not having to wear maternity clothes. You know what I have to say to Miss Giselle? It goes something like this:
“You still fit into your size 4 wardrobe while nine months preggo? I’m happy for you honey, but you know what? When I was nine months pregnant I couldn’t even fit into my maternity outfits anymore let alone my pre-baby clothes. The only thing that I could manage to squeeze my ever-expanding ass into was a maternity track suit, and to be quite honest even that was pushing the limits of what was considered too tight for a 40-plus weeks pregnant chick to wear. And you know what else? I may have looked like somebody had stuck an air pump in my ass and inflated me to maximum capacity, but I delivered a perfectly healthy 8 lb. baby boy and he was worth every stinkin’ pound. And I’d do it all again in a heartbeat. Now quit bragging about how damn skinny you are and stop making other women feel bad about themselves and go eat a freakin’ cracker or two instead!”
What really worries me about this story is that somewhere out there, a newly pregnant girl is reading it, and she is already insecure about gaining baby weight and about her regular clothes not fitting her anymore, and she is going to read this article and think that if Giselle can manage not to buy maternity clothes, then she shouldn’t have to either. And then when she enters her second trimester and finds that she can’t pull her jeans over her thighs anymore and is going to have to resort to buying maternity clothes, she will feel like she failed herself in some way. And then I get worried that she will take more drastic measures to avoid gaining too much weight while pregnant. And that just makes me so sad and scared for her and her precious baby.
Reason #2: ”She had a painless birth.”
Ok, I don’t even know where to begin with this one. I’m sure that some people have the luxury of having no pain during childbirth, but I’m guessing for the most part, this is not the norm. Miss Giselle said that her at-home water birth was a breeze, and that it “wasn’t even painful, not even a little bit.” She also said that with every contraction she focused on the fact that the baby was getting closer to arriving instead of focusing on the pain. (I thought she didn’t have any pain? Wait a minute…now I’m confused). All I know is that before I got my epidural, I couldn’t do anything other than focus on the fact that it felt like my insides were being ripped apart and fed through a paper shredder.
I want to make it perfectly clear that I have a huge amount of respect for women and the choices they make during childbirth. Everyone is different, and everyone has certain things that are important to them during their delivery. Bringing a child into the world is one of the most spiritual experiences we have as women, and I think that everyone is entitled to their choice of birthing method. For the record though, just because some of us choose to have anesthesia to relieve the pain does not make us any less wonderful mothers than those who choose to go the natural route. For me, if there was any hope of me enjoying any part of my son’s birth, I definitely needed some relief after being in labor for almost 24 hours. And I’m not ashamed of my choice. And no other mother in America should be ashamed of hers. And it makes me totally nuts that Miss Giselle is insinuating that she is some sort of superhero because she didn’t feel any pain while delivering her son. (Or did she? Again, I’m really confused).
Reason #3: ”She was back to work in 6 1/2 weeks.”
Ahhh…yes. I’m starting to see a trend here. It started with Heidi Klum, and now Miss Giselle has jumped on the “I was back on the runway just six weeks after squeezing a human head out of my cha-cha“ bandwagon. This is “ICB” at its very finest for sure. Somehow in Hollywood, your worth as a mother seems to be measured by how fast you can shed the baby weight and how fast you can get right back to work after your bundle arrives. God forbid any of these ladies should take the traditional 12-week maternity leave that is pretty standard in this country. Nope! They’ve just gotta see who can prance around in a bikini post-baby the fastest.
Miss Giselle took the “I’ll show you what a real Supermom looks like” concept a step further. She’s definitely going for the gold medal on this one. According to Giselle, the second day after the baby’s arrival she was, “walking, washing dishes, and making pancakes in the kitchen.” Ok, let me get this straight. TWO DAYS after giving birth, this chick is not only up and at ‘em and walking around, but she actually has the time to make freakin’ PANCAKES and do the DISHES for crying out loud?” Huh? I wonder who is tending to the baby while she’s playing June Cleaver?
Two days after I brought my son home, I was walking around too. Of course, I looked like I had a stick up my ass and I was kind of hunched over and I really wasn’t moving too swiftly. And Miss Giselle may have been washing dishes two days post-partum, but I had the pleasure of washing my episiotomy stitches with the complimentary squirt bottle from the hospital bathroom instead. (Take that Giselle)! And as for making pancakes? Screw that! The hubster and I had memorized each and every single take out menu item in the greater Highlands Ranch, Colorado vicinity for the first two MONTHS after we had our son. I was lucky if I could pour a glass of water without falling asleep standing up and spilling it all over myself let alone attempt to make PANCAKES!
Even with the huge dose of “ICB” that Giselle gave in that issue of Life & Style, she did have a couple of semi-redeeming statements. She did admit that she does not have a nanny right now, but that her mother has been staying with her since before her son was born. I gotta give the chick credit for admitting that she has SOME kind of help. She also admitted that she isn’t getting much sleep and that the baby nurses every two to three hours. I guess that was the only part of the article that sounded somewhat believable. I’m definitely not letting her off the hook though. For now, she’s definitely the reigning “ICB” Queen. I can’t wait to see who steals her crown in a future issue of Life & Style. Stay tuned!
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Must be nice to be rich, thin and have a great skin tone. I have heard great things about water births though…I will be looking into them. Just wanted to say hi and hope you have a continued wonderful vacation in Florida with your family.
http://thepursuitofmommyness.com/
Yeah, what a bunch of BS – I hate reading crap like that about celebirites. After I had my son, Kate Hudson had just had her baby and she said a lot of stuff similar to what dear Giselle said here. It kinda made me feel like a fat, inadequate blob at the time (even though I know that’s ridiculous now). I am a petite woman, and i put on 40 pounds with both kids, and delivered healthy 8 pound babies. I did not watch my weight while preggo, and I outgrew nearly EVERY peice of maternity clothing that I owned. What’s more, I got an epidural both times, and labor STILL hurt. I did not make pancakes when I came home. After my first born, I could barely keep it together for the first 6 months and suffered from post-partum depression. Let’s keep it real people!!! Giselle, I am officially NOT a fan.
Oh, my. Here’s how we know that she is lying(as if we need proof): she was making pancakes. Um, she obviously doesn’t eat, so BS!!!
The weight thing- you need to gain weight when you have a baby. And as for painless- not unless she had some spectacular drugs that aren’t available to the rest of us.
We are smart women here aren’t we?
Aren’t we!!!
This made me mad.
There is only one thing about it and that is,
She is lying or someone is lying for her.
Glad you’re having a great time with the fam!
I can’t stand reading those star birth stories. They always irk me. If you start out as a size 4 then obviously you wouldn’t need maternity clothes because then all you have to do is wear a *gasp* size 6.
Holy crap. This woman–no, these celebrities–are effing ridiculous.
I couldn’t even wear my flip flops OR slippers. That’s how freaking fat and swollen I was, haha! Insane.
And I was totally confused by her pain or pain free thing. What the hell was she talking about?! Lol! She sounds like she doesn’t have a clue what she was saying right?
And washing dishes. Making pancakes. That’s awesome. Because {esp after I had Bella…omg…} it hurt to sit. Stand. Climb in bed. I had to get a little stool to get myself into bed.
Now I want to read about Vienna. I think a trip to Target is in store
xo and glad you’re having a blast in Florida chica!
Friday follower!! Nice to meet you.
OK THAT’S IT!
YOU get Shell
I’ll get Supah and her wolf pack and go and kick her SCRONY LITTLE LYING AZZ!
lets sychronize our watches now and rondevue at “The Ivy” in LA 0800 HRS
I was laughing at the squirt bottle part! Oh, does that bring back memories! Yikes! But it’s all worth it! LOL
ah it must be nice to be rich and famous. Not that I believe a word she says lol.
enjoy your visit.
Thanks for stopping by my blog! Hope you have an awesome weekend!
I would give $50 to be Giselle for 10 minutes
Stopping by from SITS to say hello!
Have a great day.
Harriet
I was nodding to everything you were saying and then totally laughing, agreeing, been there done that with the complimentary squirt bottle-ha! So ICB
!
Oh come on — I would be back at work in 2 weeks if I had nannies and assistants like she does.
Size 4 through pregnacy???
Hope you are enjoying your vacay mama!
Reason 1 – I think I was born bigger than a size 4, although admittedly I could fit into my normal clothes up until 7 months gone as I was so, so, so sick
Reason 2 – Holy cow…..she’s either lying or a much better woman than me….I took all the drugs they offered!!!
Reason 3 – If my Mum could’ve taken care of Chick and I earnt a million pound a year from looking good, I may’ve thought about going back to work early. I was lucky enough to be able to stay at home for a year but I certainly wasn’t hot!!!!
Think that Giselle may be lying?!?
I remember when that story came out. I called bullshit right away!
And yeah, some of mom’s are back to work at 6.5 weeks or even sooner, but we don’t go around BRAGGING about it. More often, we are SAD to be back at work.
Just because they are rich and famous and thin, DOES NOT mean that they are any happier than us regular moms. Most likely they are not!
I am here for the Lady Blogger Tea Party! Cute blog!!
Love the la la la la!
The only thing I like about Giselle is her hot husband Tom Brady! Now that is ooh lala.
But whatever to all her made up pregnancy and birth crap. Man when I was 9 months prego I was breaking records with my fat *ss. My feet were totally swelled and I too could not even fit into my huge prego clothes.
Hope you are having a great time in sunny florida!
New follower to your blog through Lady Blogger Society! Love it!
I had a natural birth, but it was in fact painful…Giselle can kiss my a$$! Why, oh why, do celebrities do this????
Love your blog!
Hi There! I’m still hopping around Friday Follow reading great blogs! It’s my first Friday Follow! Hope you can visit mine. I now follow and subscribe.
Bridgette Groschen
Groschen Goblins
http://www.groschengoblins.blogspot.com/
What a load of you know what! As if she had a painless la di da water birth!
Glad I found you through Friday Follow..I’m following:)
I hope you like my blog enough to follow:)
http://everythingmomandbaby.blogspot.com
Hey just stopping by to say Hi from Friday Follow!
Happy Follow Friday!
Tami
http://www.heartsmakefamilies.com
Enjoy your break. Grandparents are a wonderful thing.
I have an award waiting for you when you have time.
LisaDay
Great blog – I’ve given it an award! You can get it and the details here: http://www.busylittlemonkey.com/2010/02/award.html
Wow you have a bunch of awards, and one more from me! Check it out!
love this post and this series. LOL funny.
I can not believe that she did not have to wear maternity clothes that is just crazy- can you imagine being that skinny!!! I wish!!!!
ITA with you… totally wrong messages and really setting womankind up to move back into the stone age… at home in Canada we got a YEAR mat leave with options for longer…and in most Scandinavian countries its 2 years.. found you on the pursuit of Mommyness MEme
What a complete load of BS! I worry as you do about the effects these kinds of comments have on young expectant mothers who feel pressured to be like these celebrities.
This royally peeved me just reading it. I want to find her and slap the stupid off her face. There is NO WAY all of that crap is true. None. And sure, maybe she didn’t have to buy maternity clothes… but that’s because she just bought regular people clothes! I mean come on, when you are a size negative seven, you can just wear normal people size zero or two when you get all pregnant-y. I hate her. I want to shove chocolate down her throat.
Lies lies lies…it’s allll lies! lol At least, that’s what I’m telling myself. Painless birth? Oh and let’s not start about the baby weight…I actually GAINED weight after my baby was born. Let’s not talk about that though. ha
~melody~
Ugh, liars. They’re all freakin’ liars. Do not even tell me about not needing maternity clothes. Good for you! I actually had a pretty easy time post-partum physically, but that didn’t rid me of the Exhaustion of taking care of a newborn! Pancakes my you-know-what. Sigh.
Hey Giselle, I have three things for you, too:
1.) I’m still trying to lose the baby weight and my son will be seven in June.
2)My husband might not be a SuperBowl quarterback but he’s just as cute as Tom and, even better, he encouraged me to have an epidural. Smart, smart man.
3) And, if I didn’t have to I would have NEVER, EVER returned to work.
That is the biggest load of crap I ever heard. Who do these magazines think they’re kidding? I’d love to run into Miss Never Needed Maternity Clothes and ask her who she thinks she’s fooling. These &*%$#@! models and celebrity magazines make me sick!!
Can you tell my hormones are making me a little irritable today?
Welcome back from vacay. Glad you had a great time. Man, I wish I had Gisele’s physique. I did not look anywhere near this good with either of my pregnancies.
I cannot tell you how much I look forward to the next one of these!! It’s so much fun to take a trip to LA LA land and visit the freakishly delusional in their imaginary perfect worlds. Thanks so much for being our tour guide!!
Ok, I smell something burning! It’s Giselle’s pants on fire! She’s a liar! I’m sorry, childbirth hurts, water or no water. It hurts! For everyone!
Girl- you are to funny. So jealous of Giselle- who wouldn’t be. I agree with some of the other comments- she is lying! LOL! Childbirth hurts no matter who you are! Found you via SITS and glad i did. I would follow but don’t see where to do that? Let me know! Oh and I am doing a lisa lenoard giveaway at my cooking blog- love for you to drop by -enter and check out some of my cooking recipes for the fam!
http://kitchenbelleicious.blogspot.com
Oh poor Gisele and her size 4! How does she manage?
Oh for Pete’s sake! Somebody needs to slap that skinny girl and feed her a DQ Blizard. Maybe then she can claim that brain freeze made her say this huge pack of lies.
Hope you are enjoying your vacay. (My mom is not far from St. Augustine.)
Awe I feel so bad for her, haha. Sounds so nice that you are enjoying some sunshine. I am so over this snow!
Must be nice to be rich and have her mom stay with her so she can get back into shape. She really has it rough! I wish stars would try to live in the real world. She sure is full of it, child birth is many things, painless…hmm I don’t think I have ever heard it described as such.
Found you through SITS, funny post.
This post cracked me up…bless her heart. lol.
ANd hope you are having an awesome time in FL.
Ummm..when you’re a negative 4 of course you’ll still fit into a size 4 when you’re 9 months pregnant. lol. I’m guessing she had people at her disposal to do a lot. I bet she wasn’t cleaning the house at 9mos or taking out the trash while hubby was playing football.
I think about all the young girls that read these stories and worry that they think their life will play out the same way.
Thanks for the follow.
Yeah, I read that stuff too. What a bunch of crap!! : ) Hopefully newly pregnant ladies HAVEN’T read that!
Oh.my. You have me laughing so hard at your commentary on Giselle!
Sounds like someone needs to let her know what it’s like in the real world. Hmmm….I vote…YOU!
Happy Friday Follow~