What the Heck? Wednesday: The Lego Conspiracy
posted on Mar. 31, 2010
Ok, everyone. I have a confession to make. It’s not something that’s easy for me to admit, but I’m gonna have to go ahead and put it out there if I want to stay true to who I am and hopefully maintain my sanity. Here goes nothing…
“My name is Mary, and I genuinely fear and distrust Legos. They have completely taken over my son, my house, and my life, and I just can’t seem to manage to dig out from under them. Every time that I think I might have things a bit under control, those damn Legos emerge and prove once again that they are the boss of me. And I’m thinking that maybe I should just wave the white flag and surrender because I don’t think that I have a chance in hell of winning this battle. I’m just not strong enough.”
I have a new little theory that I’d like to share with you that has been born out of my frustration with Legos. I am almost 100% convinced that the makers of Legos are secretly working with alcohol manufacturers in order to boost revenue. I mean, the two totally go hand in hand. And no, I’m not exaggerating in the least, and yes, I’m being totally serious here. I used to have a nice area rug in my family room, but now the floor looks something like this:
What the heck?
Just in case I haven’t proven my theory to you quite yet, here are a few more arguments that will hopefully swing the vote in my favor. I don’t want a hung jury here.
1. The Pain Factor – On more than one occasion, I have walked into my family room to say something to my son only to wind up yelling expletives at the top of my lungs after the bottom of my foot has been nearly punctured after unknowingly stepping on the infamous Lego mound. And every time this happens I feel like I need a shot of whiskey to numb the throbbing, and also to calm my nerves due to the fact that I am well aware that I’ve just said the “F” word very loudly in front of my 4 year old and I know that he’ll choose to repeat it at the most inopportune time.
2. The Aggravation Factor – My son loves to build all kinds of “vehicles” out of Legos. And every time he gets whatever vehicle he’s making almost completely put together, one of those freakin’ pieces snaps off, and then when he tries to snap it back into place, his entire creation breaks apart. And then he gets really frustrated and screams at the top of his lungs, and then that makes ME extremely frustrated FOR him, and then I just really feel like I need a glass of wine or seven.
3. The Time Factor – Every time that my son gets a new set of Legos, there is some sort of perfect picture on the outside of the box of whatever the contents inside are supposed to build. And the age range on that box may say 4 to 7, but the conspirators over at Lego know very well that my 4 year old is not going to be able to follow the little pamphlet of instructions included in the box in order to build the seaplane, tractor, or whatever the hell else is pictured on the front. They are also tuned into the fact that my 4 year old will fully expect me or my husband to put the entire thing together. And they are also fully aware that this will piss us off to no end because the damn thing takes FOREVER to build and sometimes it is virtually impossible to identify the pieces that are pictured on the instructions. And then when one of us can’t manage to put it together, we call in the other party for assistance, and then we wind up fighting over which piece goes where, etc., and then by the time one of us figures it out and does manage to put the vehicle together, our son has completely lost interest and has moved on to something else. And then we wind up needing a really stiff martini to get out of our respective funks.
See what I mean? It’s all a conspiracy.
What the heck?
Have a What the Heck? post of your own that you’d like to share? Grab my button and link up below! And don’t forget that you can also link up your GLAM CHECK! posts here as well! I’m really looking forward to reading all of them!
And don’t forget to stop by tomorrow for the big Mom Sexy announcement!
