What The Heck? Wednesday: Proud to be a Garbage Disposal!

Ok, it is Wednesday morning, and I’m frantically trying to get this post done because I didn’t have time last night, and my brain is seriously thinking way faster than I can type. Honestly ladies and gentlemen, I’m not even really sure how to begin this one in a civilized manner, so I guess I’ll just go ahead and dive head first into the pool and hope that I’m able to come up for air.  Curious yet?  Ok, I’ll start you off with a name.  GISELE BUNDCHEN (a.k.a. Uber-Supermodel Ego-Centric Bitch From Hell).  I’ve shared my sentiments on the uber-bitch’s take on motherhood before.  Apparently, she is making it her personal mission to make pregnant women and new mothers everywhere feel completely worthless.  Apparently she’s ready to go for Round 2 with me.

BRING IT ON HONEY.


A few people emailed me links to an article this week for an excerpt from Vogue magazine’s April Shape Issue.  And the Uber-Supermodel Ego-Centric Bitch from HELL is gracing the cover. And I know I sound kinda harsh in giving her that title, because she is, in fact a fellow mother, and she is, in fact, one of the most beautiful women in the world. Well, on the outside that is.

Now, I’m obviously no stranger to celebrity bullshit because I blog about it on a regular basis, but this particular interview really has me getting my boxing gloves ready because it totally took the hoopla to a whole new level.  That’s right folks, the Uber-Supermodel Ego-Centric Bitch from HELL has redefined celebrity bullshit.  And it deserves a huge WHAT THE HECK??

In order to “maintain her fab figure” during pregnancy, Miss Gisele “did kung fu up until two weeks before Benjamin was born and did yoga three days a week.”

Please don’t mistake me, because I’m all for trying to be healthy during pregnancy…FOR THE SAFETY AND WELL-BEING OF YOUR CHILD.

Ok, ok, I’ll give her a free pass on the whole yoga thing.  I mean, at least yoga is gentle and good for the body emotionally and physically and really doesn’t pose a potential threat to the baby.  And I’ll go ahead and say more power to her for being able to contort her body into strange positions while carrying another human being.

Prenatal yoga didn’t go as smoothly for me.  I found that once I hit about my 6th month, it was virtually impossible for me to get into most of the positions because of the extra 30 or so pounds I had already gained. (I went on to gain another 20 for a grand total of 50)! And even when I did manage to squeak out a pose or two, it usually resulted in uncontrollable laughter because exercise made me fart like an 80 year old man when I was preggo.  And let’s be honest, preggo farts are even more hysterical than regular farts because you really can’t suck ‘em in. Yeah, yoga was pretty much a lost cause for me.

I’m letting the yoga comment go, but the kung fu?  Maybe I’m an idiot or maybe I really have some misconstrued notion of what kung fu actually is, and I should probably go google it right now to get my facts straight, but I’d rather keep writing this post so I’ll just go with my first understanding. Doesn’t kung fu involve a lot of kicking?  And doesn’t kung fu involve kicking another person?  If I’m way off the mark here, I’m pretty confident that someone will set me straight.  I just seriously hope that Miss Gisele didn’t let anyone kick her during her sessions.  Because that would just make me even more nutso than I already am.  What the heck?

Ok kids, here is where it gets ugly.  Hang on a sec, I need to go put my mouth-guard in for this fight.

Here is Miss Gisele’s take on staying fit during pregnancy:

“I think that a lot of people get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals.  I was mindful about what I ate, and I gained only 30 pounds.”

Um, EXCUSE ME?  Some people turn into GARBAGE DISPOSALS?  And the Uber-Bitch only gained 30 pounds because she watched what she ate? WHAT THE HECK?

Whether she realized it or not, let me just go ahead and define what Miss Gisele said a little more clearly.

“Hmm….let me think….what can I say in this article to really STICK IT to every other woman in America and remind them of just how freakin’ hot I am.  Well, since I only gained 30 pounds during my pregnancy, I think I’ll just go ahead and make that the cut-off point for what constitutes being a complete and total preggo-fat ass.  Anyone who gains more than that? Hmm…what shall I call them??  I KNOW!  Garbage disposals!  THAT’S IT! Women who don’t pay attention to each and every single morsel of food that they put in their mouths are just big, fat, disgusting garbage disposals. And I know that I don’t have any cottage cheese on MY ass and NEVER will because I am blessed with an unarguably gorgeous gene pool, but why not make some “not-so-uber-perfect-genes” new mom out there feel even more self-conscious about the fact that she had HER baby a YEAR ago and HER clothes still don’t fit right.  Why not make her feel like she really shouldn’t have eaten that last DING DONG?  Why not make her feel like she is an unhealthy person because she gained more weight than I did while carrying HER child?”

WHAT THE HECK?

Seriously, isn’t there already enough pressure put on women to be thin and perfect when they AREN’T pregnant?  The competition to see who can squeeze into a negative size of jeans the fastest is bad enough without having to bring pregnancy into the contest.  I mean, can’t a pregnant chick eat a sandwich without being scrutinized?  What the heck?

If you’re reading this Gisele, (And yes, I’m totally kidding.  She’s the ego-centric one, not me), then I’m ready to step up to the plate in defense of human garbage disposals everywhere.  Read this and weep.

“My name is Mary and I am proud of the fact that I was a complete and total garbage disposal when I was pregnant with my son.  I gained right around 50 pounds, and I loved every single bite of delicious goodness that it took me to achieve gaining those 50 pounds.  I mean, you really couldn’t shovel the food in my mouth fast enough to satisfy this pregnant gal.  I craved bagels with cream cheese and tomato and I averaged about three or four of them before noon on any given day.

And I loved that for once in my life, I didn’t get any nasty looks from co-workers or other people when I crammed those bagels in my mouth because they all knew that I was preggo and that it was perfectly acceptable for a pregnant chick to be hungry as hell.  And while I did question whether or not I would be able to get my body back after having my son, I really didn’t stress too much about it for those 9 months.  I enjoyed my pregnancy.  I enjoyed watching my belly grow because I knew that there was a life inside of it that my husband and I created. And even though I gained a ton of weight and gave new meaning to the term “bra-line bulge”, giving birth to a healthy baby boy and seeing his little face for the first time was worth every single fat cell that expanded during the time I was pregnant.

And I’ll go ahead and throw it out there that the day after I gave birth, I ordered fried chicken fingers, mashed potatoes, and macaroni and cheese from the hospital room service menu and didn’t have the urge to poop for 2 days because my body burned through that food so fast as the result of being exhausted from a 24-hour labor.”

My new motto?

“Once a garbage disposal, always a garbage disposal”.

I think I’ll go fix myself a bagel and cream cheese now.  Aw crap.  We’re out of tomatoes.

Got something that made you say What The Heck? this week?  Join the vent session and link up below!


Comments

  1. 1
    Jessica says:

    ooooooo that gisele!Id like to throw her IN a garbage disposl!

  2. 3
    Kmama says:

    LOL!! She certainly is ego-centric, isn’t she??

    I had two different COMPLETELY DIFFERENT pregnancies. In the first, on the day I gave birth, I weighed 10 lbs less than I did the day I got pregnant. I was sick for the majority of it.

    With my second pregnancy, I gained somewhere between 30 and 35 lbs and I can EASILY see how someone could gain more than that. EASILY. You are SUPPOSED to gain weight when pregnant.

  3. 4
    Bethany says:

    Ugh, she pisses me off! Plus, I can think of a lot more models much more attractive then she is! I’ve always thought she was pretty bc she looked “different” but my husband thinks she has a schnoz. Whatever – I doubt in all of gorgeousness she has that many friends. Sounds like the ranting of a lonely woman.

  4. 5

    Well said! This woman, though I know not of her (she can stick that in her overly-egotistical pipe and smoke it!), sounds like the kind of woman that every pregnant lady out there should get a photo of and throw darts at it!

    Love this post! x

  5. 6
    Jene says:

    Wow, I hope I never do anything to earn your wrath! Really though, I wonder if she just has really awful body image issues and has to put others down to feel better about herself. If that’s the case, then I kind of feel sorry for her. If not, then let the bitch burn!

    I enjoyed eating whatever I wanted while I was pregnant. In fact, when it comes time for hypothetical baby # 2 I’m going to make sure I’m pregnant over the holiday season again. Last time I only got christmas, next time I’m going to go for halloween and thanksgiving, too.

  6. 7

    Well hot damn! I lost 11 lbs during my pregnancy, that must mean I’m better than Gisele! Of course, I had hyperemesis gravidarum and was sick every day of my pregnancy which contributed to this fact otherwise all bets would have been off. Oh how I wish I could have been a “garbage disposal.” Pregnancy is the one time in our lives where we can eat without discipline or feeling bad about it. Uber bitch better not take that luxury away from us. Otherwise, I’ll kung fu her in the head.

  7. 8

    FYI. I gained 19 total pounds. And I watched every delightful cheez doodle as it entered my mouth. And sat on my butt quite a bit.

    I’m all for staying healthy and fit during pregnancy (yoga was not healthy for me, seeing as how I have hideously low BP and passed out after my first prenatal class), but this is ridiculous.

    Some people aren’t going to gain anything and some people are going to gain 60-70 lbs. That doesn’t mean they are overeaters or unhealthy. Pregnancy does different things to different women, and nothing Gisele can say can change that.

  8. 9

    Garbage disposal. Those are fightin’ words! Well, I’d rather be a garbage disposal than a person willing to deprive my unborn child of critical nutrients just for a few less sessions on the spin bike post-delivery. Some celebs are so out of touch with reality. A lot of us gain what we need. It all depends on our body types. Who is she to say what “mindful” people gain. My sister-in-law only gained 15 pounds. How does that make you feel, Gisele?!?!?

    BTW- I love “What the Heck Wednesdays?”…you get so fired up! It’s great!

    • 10
      nadia says:

      Seriously you guys? ok i seriously don’t like giselle, and I find her as annoying and bitchy as any of you but she is onto something. I am a nutritionist, and there is absolutely no need to stuff your face or become a “garbage disposal.” It would surprise you the amount of extra cals you really need when you’re pregnant. A bagel and cream cheese is hardly any nutrition. She is a bitch, but I guarantee you she was way better nourished that the average pregnant mother. It is not about all the food you it, it’s about the quality. As far as the workout, if she was doing it before, provided her pregnancy was a normal one there is absolutely no problem with her continuing it.

  9. 11
    Crazed Mama says:

    What a witch! I hope her boobs sag so far down to her knees after her next baby that even Victoria’s Secret won’t be able to hold those puppies up.

    • 12
      Governor says:

      They get labor induced way early so they don’t gain an extra ounce, then they get Lipo at the same time they’re in for delivery. After that, all that’s left is to pretend it was natural.

  10. 13
    Faith says:

    What the heck is up with people linking up who didn’t do the post?!

  11. 14
    The Wifey says:

    Gotta be honest here…

    While I think Kung Fu is freaking crazy and I wouldn’t do that even when I’m NOT pregnant, let alone with a little baby cozied up in my womb…I do agree with the garbage disposal thing… kind of.

    I think the term ‘garbage disposal’ was kind of mean, and I don’t agree with putting a number on it. (Like 30lbs) Because I gained 35 and while that sounds small you have to consider that I’m only 79lbs pre-pregnancy, so 35 was a lot on me! BUT— I do feel as if so many women are like “Oh, I’m pregnant. I’m craving (this junk) and (this weird unhealthy crap). I think I’ll pass it off as the baby making me want it, then I have an excuse to scarf my face all the time, any time, with any weird unhealthy thing you can think of.” <— So maybe it's not exactly like that, but you know what I'm getting at.

    I can sincerely say I never said "I'm craving…" Now when I as hungry, just as I was all the eighteen years before my child came into the earth, I would say so. But I never insisted that I was "craving" something. It just seems like so many women really do use it as an excuse, ya know, and I wasn't about to.

    And that little bit of weight left over after the baby's gone a whole YEAR later??— that isn't left over baby weight anymore. That’s the result of their “cravings”.

  12. 15

    You go Mary! Tell that skinny-praying-mantis-lookin-woman what’s what!

    I gained at LEAST 50 pounds with both of my pregnancies and just like you I loved it. It was the first time in my life I went shopping for a swim suit and didn’t cry in the mirror. I loved the belly, I rocked the belly!

  13. 16

    One time when I was preggers I ate 5 of those hostess chocolate pies in a sitting. OMG they were soooooooooooo good. I also gained about 50 pounds and at the time I did not care. I am still trying to lose the last 10 but oh well.

    I have a great what the heck today. I actually thought of you and your son’s valentines day party when this happened to me today.

  14. 17
    Eliza says:

    What the heck is Giselle thinking! What a B!!!!

  15. 18
    Emma says:

    She so doesn’t live in the real world and I don’t care what she says I’d bet my ass she wasn’t still high kicking and kung foo fighting at 8 and a half months pregnant. Man, I could barely get out of the couch by then and I hardly put on any weight at all because I was so sick!!!!!

  16. 19
    Andrea says:

    Yeah, I am a garbage disposal too. I hate to throw away good food! Somebody needs to slap Gisele!

  17. 20

    Yeah, I didn’t care much about this bitch before, but now I have an active dislike for her. What a jerk.

  18. 21

    Well OF COURSE you gained 50 pounds honey bunch…YOU ARE A Teenie tiny RAIL. Your body NEEDED that. Holy Moly. It’s like apples and oranges. She is an idiot. I’ve had five kids—so I know what its like to grow them..three at a time even…talk about weight gain…and talk about no time or energy to do what is required to lose every last bit.

    But seriously girl, you listened to your body and you grew that baby good!! And you are gorgeous.

    People like that HAVE to be bitchy because THEY ARE STARVING. And for WHAT? I’d like to know. It’s not worth being a nasty somebody, that’s for sure.

    And anyways, all your food goes to your rack—-so its all good :)

  19. 22

    PS I have seen her IRL people…so I can speak the facts.

  20. 23
    Chelle says:

    What the heck?! Damn. She’d take one look at me and probably STILL call me a garbage disposal…

    So sick of celebs acting like this. Ugh. Maybe if I had someone to plan my every second–to include my diet, exercise, cook for me I’d look supermodel’ish too.

    But I’m not and totally ate a chili dog, cheeto puffs and a few jr mints. Oh–and now I’m drinking wine.

    Lol!

    xo & thanks for bringing this to light hun!

  21. 24
    Tonya Martin says:

    She’s a dumbass.

  22. 25
    amber says:

    WHy is it always the anonymous people that feel the need to be assholes. I totally agree with you…Gisele can bite my cottage-cheesey ass!

  23. 26
    Dianna says:

    First, if you want to comment, stick behind your name, instead of being anonymous.
    Second — as a woman, do you actually think that broadcasting a supermodel’s weight gain, dietary habits, exercise plan both during and after pregnancy is healthy/helpful for the average American woman?? I’m going with “Hell, NO!” The postpartum period is enough of an insane ride without new mothers, who are deprived of sleep with hormones out of control, worrying about being bikini ready in 4 weeks.
    Personally, I’d rather read about folks like Isla Fisher, who embraced the changes in her body, and focused on taking care of her new baby girl.
    It takes 9 months to gain weight for a pregnancy … good rule of thumb is 9 months to get it off. That’s healthy and safe. There shouldn’t be a focus on how much weight you gain during a pregnancy, but rather cultivating a healthier lifestyle — eating healthier, exercising, and taking good care of yourself. Weight gain is NOT the only barometer for a healthy pregnancy.

    Crazy bi**h, OUT!

  24. 27
    Yankee Wife says:

    I was a major garbage disposal when i was pregnant and I enjoyed every single minute of it!

  25. 28

    May I just take a moment and say thank you to the wonderful women I’m surrounded by? I am such a lucky girl!!!

  26. 29
    Cole says:

    Yet another celebrity who really ticks me off! Every woman reacts differently to pregnancy…With my first 2, I ate everything in sight and sat on my butt. I gained over 50 pounds. During my third pregnancy, I watched what I ate and walked all the freakin’ time. Guess what? I still gained 50 pounds. But I didn’t care, and still don’t, because I have 3 beautiful children. I just wish celebrities would be realistic and realize the impact their words have on people.

  27. 30
    Bibi says:

    Hey Gisele you skinny ass-wipe I am better then you….I lost over 20lbs first four months of both of my pregnancies cause that’s the way I roll and I was actually 5 lbs lighter right after birth then I was before pregnancy…..and guess what…. I ate everything I wanted with joy of every bite and I didn’t endanger my unborn child with stupid kung fu.

    Btw,I gained all that weight and more back after breastfeeding, but I can say I GAINED LESS THROUGH MY PREGNANCY THEN GISELE AND WITHOUT EXERCISE…take that you cow.

  28. 31
    Kristin says:

    Proudly part of the garbage disposal club! ;)

  29. 32
    Stacey says:

    She gained 30lbs watching what she ate? Hmph. I enjoyed every single Double Quarter Pounder with cheese I ate and only gained 10 more pounds–and loved it! You had it right in your post that pregnancy is one (the only?!) of the only times women can gain a little (or a lot) of weight and actually enjoy it, so crap. Gisele. Enjoy life for a second! Pffffttt. Gisele Shmell.

  30. 33
    Danielle says:

    When I was pregnant with my first child back in ’92, the people that made fruit roll ups made something even more disgusting called “Fruit Bars.” I used to eat an entire box of 8 in one sitting. I also ate 2 ice cream snickers on a daily basis. I gained 40 lbs on my 5’1″ frame and had 12 cavities (from the fruit bars, I presume!).

  31. 34
    Michele says:

    My link is not titled What-The-Heck, but I did some head scratching yesterday….

    These “stars” comments are becoming more and more comical. And, yes, I’m a little dubious about kung fu being a safe activity…but, to each their own, I guess…..

    “Garbage disposals….” Yeah, we poor, unwashed non-Hollywood types are the dregs of humanity, aren’t we? Sigh.

  32. 35
    Babe_Chilla says:

    Well I’ve gained 35 lbs, thus landing me in the garbage disposal category, yet just yesterday I put my pre-preggo jeans and did them up (um but could not sit down or move). So explain THAT? Now I also spent yesterday eating a cinnamon roll, 3 peanut butter eggs and a few other questionably ‘unhealthy’ foods…but you know what? I am 9 months preggo and I freaking loved every bite. I’ve done my diligence, drank my water, eaten healthy and avoided all the no-no foods, but I’ve also enjoyed the ability to make the husband go for chocolate bars at 10pm without question, and why the heck not?

    Obviously there are SOME people out there, without regard for their babies who eat nothing but French fries and diet coke for their entire pregnancy, and no, that’s not the right way to do things. But whether you gain 20 or 80 lbs when you’re preggo, who cares? It’s what your body needs, it’s what your baby needs, it’s what nature intended.

    Stars are jerkwads. Very seldom do you hear them mention their person trainers, strict post pregnancy diet regimes and the fact they have 3 nanny’s to look after said new baby so they have TIME to work out right away. They don’t mention the cooks they have, who make them carefully counted, well rounded meals that they feed them at the right intervals or the fact that by virtue of BEING a star in the first place, they are not human.

    Good for you for posting this. I’ll be thinking of Gisele as I mad consume all those soft cheeses I’ve avoided the last 9 months, and am watching it transform into the cottage type on my ass….

  33. 36

    Oooooooooh!! You got me all steamed up too. I hate all the pregnancy books that make you feel like the hugest fatass in the world if you gain anything over 25-30 lbs. I gained 50 with my first pregnancy and 70 with my second!! It felt to me like I couldn’t stop the weight gain. My body wanted to be fat. But now Giselle has put it all in perspective for me. If I wasn’t determined to be a human garbage disposal, things might have been different. Thank you for your wisdom, dear Giselle.

  34. 37
    Lisa says:

    It’s sad what her and people like her are doing to our kids heads and how they see things.

  35. 38
    Iris says:

    Thank you very much for coming into my website and for reading my blog. I would hope everyone will be cautious with their children. Young mommies and daddies usually take for granted that the vendor knows what he is doing.

    I told my daughter about your interesting site and I know after visiting it she will tell all her Face Book friends to go to it. Thanks again

  36. 39
    Rebecca says:

    Sorry kind of late here.
    I didn’t gain much with either pregnancies being that I was so sick vomiting all the time. It’s after birth that I eat. No worries about weigh lend things to making up lost time. I let myself eat whatever I want in the 6 weeks post delivery, and call it, (baby fat). LOL I don’t start my diet until after I get the green light from my OBGNY @ my 6wk check up. So right now sister, I am literally a human garbage disposal and loving it! Ahhh to be able to eat food again and not have to run to the toilet!!
    On a 2nd note:
    I don’t know much about the woman you are blogging about BUT,
    I did happen to catch this in the news, A reall OMG!! What the heck!!
    42-year-old Donna Simpson said in a news interview it is her goal of weighing 1000 pounds. In 2007, she earned the Guinness Book of World Records title for being the world’s biggest mother when she gave birth to her daughter; a birth that required the assistance of 30 medics. Ms. Simpson has stated that her 49-year-old boyfriend supports her in this endeavor and would like her to be bigger. Although, she is seriously endangering her health with the risk of obesity-related diseases, it is likely that the publicity from this goal is increasing the traffic to and income she earns from a website where men pay to watch her eat and wash herself.
    A big WHAT THE HECK!!! Now that is wrong & sick! I feel so bad for her kids who will literally watch their mom eat to death :-o
    U can read more here,
    http://www.dietsinreview.com/diet_column/03/donna-simpson-wants-to-weigh-1000-pounds/

  37. 40
    Rebecca says:

    Oh and come Monday I’m going to blog about this woman, she makes me so mad!

  38. 41
    MandyP says:

    I’m so bummed I missed ‘What the Heck? Wednesday’ this week! =( I agree with you about any woman who likes to talk about how the baby weight just “fell off” or how they are back in their “pre pregnancy” jeans a week after giving birth. They suck (and not JUST cuz I’m insanely jealous! =)

  39. 42
    Fred says:

    Not sure why people keep thinking she is a beauty, she may have a great body but that face can not be looked at for very long.
    Why she is paid millions of dolllars??????????

    • 43
      Governor says:

      Fred, that is a great mystery. There are better looking girls at every college classroom. I guess she impressed *somebody*, somehow…

  40. 44
    leila P says:

    Gisele is sooooooooo overated, what stick thin loser

  41. 45
    Lady E says:

    Well, all I can say is that I don’t really know who she is but looked her up after seeing this headline and there are a lot of photos of her out there that are pretty darn trashy!

  42. 46
    Zara, bitch! says:

    That used up old hag.. The nerve. Most women have real jobs they dont get paid to walk down a runway or have a few photos taken. Most women work way harder jobs with much less pay and full time given we dont all have the free time to exercise all day or the funds to afford chefs and lavish healthy food.. Also im sure her income depends only on her outer appearance when the average women’s do not. Her children will probably be raised by nannies while shes railing cocaine and dining on kleenex to maintain her less then appealing to most men stick like figure. Gisele I think your undies are bundchen up your behind, you’re not all that.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] that the supermodel claims she just watched what she ate and worked out throughout her pregnancy, knocking moms who “get pregnant and decide they can turn into garbage disposals”, as if those of us who [...]

  2. [...]  Or at least that’s the impression she gave when she accused most women of turning into garbage disposals and letting themselves go while they are pregnant, leading us to believe that if we laid off the [...]

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