What the Heck? Wednesday: Bachelor Withdrawal
posted on Apr. 7, 2010
Ok ladies and gentlemen, I have a confession to make. I am 100% completely and totally going through some serious TV issues right now. I mean, the tube is seriously boring me to tears these days. There is basically just not one show that I watch right now that is really getting it done for me. What can I say? I miss the action. I miss the juice. I miss the drunk chicks tripping over themselves at the cocktail parties. And I really miss the drama. Basically, I’m having a classic case of Bachelor withdrawal. Knowing that I have to wait until May to experience the nail biting suspense of a Rose Ceremony is seriously making me delirious.
What the heck?
I’ve decided that it really just isn’t fair to keep us Bachelor junkies waiting a good two months in between shows, and in protest of this gap, I’ve composed a nice, tasteful letter to Chris Harrison.
Dear Chris,
My name is Mary, and I am a self-proclaimed Bachelor/Bachelorette addict. I mean, if there were a 12-step program available for this addiction, I’d probably have entered it years ago. I seriously just cannot seem to manage to cope with the fact that I have to wait all the way until May until the next season of The Bachelorette airs. And just in case you wanted to know how totally dependent I am on your show, I don’t even LIKE Ali in the slightest, yet I still can’t wait to see her get all gussied up and make out with a handful of guys who probably have way less going for them than the show alludes to. In all honestly, I live for this shit.
The show is my Monday night escape from reality. It makes me laugh, it makes me roll my eyes, and it somehow manages to make me feel a whole lot more secure about my “ordinary marriage” and my “ordinary life.” Because I may not have a TV show that revolves around me (yet), but I’m also pretty sure that my husband didn’t marry me simply because he’s gunning to be a Country-Western singer. At least I hope that’s not the case.
What the heck Chris??
I just don’t understand how I can be expected to wait a good 60 days in between seasons before witnessing the “REAL” most dramatic rose ceremony ever. Because I know it’s coming. I know that one of these days, the rose ceremony is actually going to deliver on that promise. And I know that you won’t let me down on that one, Chris. Because I have faith in you. And you work your ass off for your paycheck. And I’d love to apply for your job should you ever choose to retire.
I’m really hoping that you will strongly consider this heartfelt plea from a stay-at-home Mom and shorten the window between seasons a little to appease my addiction to insane reality bullshit. I need it, and it needs me.
I’m countin’ on you, Chris. You just gotta come through for me.
Your slightly over the top but loyal fan,
Mary, The Mommyologist
The McLinky is up below and I can’t wait to read your What the Heck? Wednesday and/or Glam Check! posts!
I had never seen a single episode of the bachelor or bachelorette until this past season, when I happened to catch the season premiere re-run on a lazy Saturday evening. I was totally hooked. There’s just something about watching these grown women make total fools of themselves that’s hard to tear yourself away from. I haven’t committed to following a second season yet, but I might not be able to keep myself away.
How can you not like Ali! I’m totally in love with her. Okay, her squeal is a little over played but she’s so adorable. All that said, I totally agree with you. I’m a LOST junkie and even it’s final season doesn’t have the drama I need to get through my week. My husband thinks I’m a total nut for watching the Bachelor but there’s something about the way Chris Harrison says, “Ladies, this is the final rose this evening,” that gives me goose bumps.
LMAO. I just can’t watch those shows. They annoy me to no end. However, I suppose if I had a girlfriend over to watch with me, I might feel differently, because then we could make fun of them together. LOL
I think I watched maybe one or two seasons of it then I couldn’t watch it anymore because I was afraid that I would break my tv because of the objects that I almost threw at it!!!
On the other hand I do LOVE me some reality tv so I feel your pain!!
On a different note…thanks for the comment…I do feel as though I’ve really become a mom now with all the poop flying everywhere!! And yes…poop stories always make us laugh!!!
Hope you find some show to occupy your time until May!
All my reality shows have too much time in between. Can you write a letter to Julie Chen about Big Brother for me while you are writing letters to hosts of useless tv that we get hooked on?
Every season I vow to “never watch again” but I like you, am and addict! I look forward to Monday nights to watch the drama and get lost in some mindless TV. Great letter to Chris
I love it!
LOL. I’m not a Bachelor watcher (sometimes, I’ll catch an episode if nothing else in on and MacGyver isn’t home). However, I do feel the same way between seasons of Entourage and anything else on HBO.
May will be here in no time!
I can’t wait for the Bachelorette. I wonder what kind of ridiculous drama we’ll get to witness this season… I love it!
Ha, ha, ha! Okay, that’s a GREAT letter! I definitely think you should send it. ;o)
I’ve been going through TV withdrawal simply because lately I haven’t had time to watch anything. I barely know the names of the programs that are currently on (sniff, sniff). I feel so out of the loop.
Hopefully, I’ll have time to squeeze in a few Bachelorette episodes when it returns.
I feel your pain! I have purposely not watched the bachelor because I don’t want to be addicted to another reality show… they’re like crack! It’s sad, scary and true but this past winter there were days when that was my link to the outside adult world! Well, other than my husband but he’s just not as exciting!
I don’t watch that show, but I can’t seem to get enough of The Real Housewives. It doesn’t matter where they are: New York, Orange County, Atlanta, Jersey. I watch them all. Now I am a bit embarrassed.
admitting your addiction is the first step, yes? LOL.
I have never seen a single episode of that program. Dont hate me. haha.
Ok, I only occasionally watch the Bachelor when it’s on, but I love watching the Housewives on Bravo. It’s over the top women who are NOT real housewives, but there’s plenty of stupid drama!
That is to funny. Am so excited Aly is the next one to hand out roses. She was so sweet and I really want her to find love. The last Bachelor didn’t deserve her in my opinion.
Lol! I’ve never seen the Bachelor/Bachelorette.
haha, I was hooked by the title of this post and you sure delivered
only a month or so left! 
Hilarious! The Mommyologist for the next host, PLEASE!
Just noticed your TM- did you trademark your word?
I am hooked too! My hubby makes fun of me and I agree it is pretty funny to watch, but I. CANT. TURN. OFF!!!!
Great letter to Chris! Thank you for the birthday wish!
I am usually a junkie for these shows, but I just couldn’t get into the Jake season. Maybe it was all the fake boobage.
Hilarious! And so, so true! I miss it too!
I am with you!! I am having serious withdrawals, and I’m not sure how much longer I can stand it! It’s terrible isn’t it? So sad, and as much as I had to laugh at your post, I couldn’t help nodding my head along a bit..
I’m not into The Bachelor. I like klassy reality shows like Rock of Love and The Real Housewives.
LOL So funny!
I was just talking with a friend the other day about how whenever I see Chris on this show I completely see him hosting Designer’s Challenge on HGTV. lol