Heather over at Theta Mom is celebrating her one year “blogoversary” this week!  And for any of you who follow her, when you first heard about this being the one year anniversary of her first blog post, you probably thought the same thing that I did.  ”How in the hell has this chick only been blogging for one year?  I mean, her blog freakin’ rocks!”

I have had the pleasure of getting to know Heather better over the past few months…and she is just as awesome as she is on her blog.  And I get to meet her in-real-life at Bloggy Boot Camp in Philly in September, which is pretty cool.  Try not to be jealous.

Anyway, I know that it is Thursday and I’m a little late in getting this posted, but I’ve just been so wrapped up in passing my tiara to the next Prom Queen.  And yes, there is still time to vote for your favorite, and you can do it here.

Theta Mom stands for “The-True-Authentic-Mom”, and in honor of her one-year celebration, Heather has asked us to answer the question, “What Makes You A Theta Mom?” and then link up over on her site.

What makes me a true and authentic Mom?  Hmm….

I’ve managed to come up with a few answers.

I Am Most Definitely A Theta Mom Because…

1. I have been pooped on.  Yes, you heard me right, POOPED on.  And this has happened to me on more than one occasion.  In fact, I don’t think that initiation as a mother has truly occurred until the brown stuff has actually touched your skin.

2. I carry Matchbox Cars and an extra pair of underpants (for my son, not for me) in my purse.  Over time I’ve realized that if I venture out in public without those two things, I’m setting myself up for failure.  Though I’ve never actually had to use the underpants.  And yes, I know that I just jinxed myself by typing that sentence.  Maybe I’ll pack two pairs today.

3. I have also carried a wadded up napkin containing regurgitated pizza in my purse as well.  Not full-fledged puke, just one upchucked bite.  I love our favorite pizza place and want to be able to show my face in there again on a weekly basis, so I just couldn’t bring myself to leave that napkin on the table for the waitress to pick up.  And yes, it took me about two days to realize that the napkin was still in my purse before I remembered to throw it out.

4. Hell, I am a freakin’ Theta Mom because my purse obviously doesn’t serve my own personal interests anymore.  And that’s why I buy cheap purses. Someday I’m gonna have a nice one though.

5. I’m not gonna lie…I have days where I wish my son would call me something other than “Mommy”, because all I hear is, “Mommy!  Mommy! Mommy!” over and over again like a broken record player.  And not because he really needs anything, but just because he is bored and has nothing else to say.  Maybe I should teach him to call me “Hot Stuff.”  I could deal with hearing that repeated from time to time.

6. If you add up how many hours of sleep I lost in my son’s first two years on this Earth, I’m pretty sure that the sum would equal about six months time. And I can’t ever get those six months back, but you know what?  If I live to a ripe, old age, then I won’t miss those six months anyway.  It’ll just mean that my BFF will get our room at the nursing home to herself for a bit before she checks out.

7. I’ve had to hop off webinars and conference calls because my son needed me to wipe his ass.  The end.

8. I’ve let my son eat cheeze-its for dinner on more than one occasion because I knew that if I fixed him a real dinner, he wouldn’t eat it, because all he wants is the damned cheeze-its, and I’d rather him eat the cheeze-its than throw away an entire meal.  And you know what?  I don’t even feel bad about it.

9. I can hardly remember the last time that I was able to use the bathroom in privacy.  In fact, it’s become sort of my dream for the future.  My very own toilet, in a secluded room all by itself, with a lock on the door and fresh flowers in a vase on the window-sill and lavender-scented toilet paper. And throw in some classical music too.

10. Even though my son is my absolute #1 priority, I still realize the importance of taking care of “me.”  Too often as busy moms, we neglect our own needs and desires, and that just makes us feel unattractive and unhappy.  (C’mon…you knew that I had to throw Mom Sexy in here somewhere, right)? I am a true and authentic mom because I realize that I am still a WOMAN.  I’m still FUN.  I’m still BEAUTIFUL.  And I’m still MOM SEXY…regurgitated pizza, poop, and all.