Heather over at Theta Mom is celebrating her one year “blogoversary” this week! And for any of you who follow her, when you first heard about this being the one year anniversary of her first blog post, you probably thought the same thing that I did. ”How in the hell has this chick only been blogging for one year? I mean, her blog freakin’ rocks!”
I have had the pleasure of getting to know Heather better over the past few months…and she is just as awesome as she is on her blog. And I get to meet her in-real-life at Bloggy Boot Camp in Philly in September, which is pretty cool. Try not to be jealous.
Anyway, I know that it is Thursday and I’m a little late in getting this posted, but I’ve just been so wrapped up in passing my tiara to the next Prom Queen. And yes, there is still time to vote for your favorite, and you can do it here.
Theta Mom stands for “The-True-Authentic-Mom”, and in honor of her one-year celebration, Heather has asked us to answer the question, “What Makes You A Theta Mom?” and then link up over on her site.
What makes me a true and authentic Mom? Hmm….
I’ve managed to come up with a few answers.
I Am Most Definitely A Theta Mom Because…
1. I have been pooped on. Yes, you heard me right, POOPED on. And this has happened to me on more than one occasion. In fact, I don’t think that initiation as a mother has truly occurred until the brown stuff has actually touched your skin.
2. I carry Matchbox Cars and an extra pair of underpants (for my son, not for me) in my purse. Over time I’ve realized that if I venture out in public without those two things, I’m setting myself up for failure. Though I’ve never actually had to use the underpants. And yes, I know that I just jinxed myself by typing that sentence. Maybe I’ll pack two pairs today.
3. I have also carried a wadded up napkin containing regurgitated pizza in my purse as well. Not full-fledged puke, just one upchucked bite. I love our favorite pizza place and want to be able to show my face in there again on a weekly basis, so I just couldn’t bring myself to leave that napkin on the table for the waitress to pick up. And yes, it took me about two days to realize that the napkin was still in my purse before I remembered to throw it out.
4. Hell, I am a freakin’ Theta Mom because my purse obviously doesn’t serve my own personal interests anymore. And that’s why I buy cheap purses. Someday I’m gonna have a nice one though.
5. I’m not gonna lie…I have days where I wish my son would call me something other than “Mommy”, because all I hear is, “Mommy! Mommy! Mommy!” over and over again like a broken record player. And not because he really needs anything, but just because he is bored and has nothing else to say. Maybe I should teach him to call me “Hot Stuff.” I could deal with hearing that repeated from time to time.
6. If you add up how many hours of sleep I lost in my son’s first two years on this Earth, I’m pretty sure that the sum would equal about six months time. And I can’t ever get those six months back, but you know what? If I live to a ripe, old age, then I won’t miss those six months anyway. It’ll just mean that my BFF will get our room at the nursing home to herself for a bit before she checks out.
7. I’ve had to hop off webinars and conference calls because my son needed me to wipe his ass. The end.
8. I’ve let my son eat cheeze-its for dinner on more than one occasion because I knew that if I fixed him a real dinner, he wouldn’t eat it, because all he wants is the damned cheeze-its, and I’d rather him eat the cheeze-its than throw away an entire meal. And you know what? I don’t even feel bad about it.
9. I can hardly remember the last time that I was able to use the bathroom in privacy. In fact, it’s become sort of my dream for the future. My very own toilet, in a secluded room all by itself, with a lock on the door and fresh flowers in a vase on the window-sill and lavender-scented toilet paper. And throw in some classical music too.
10. Even though my son is my absolute #1 priority, I still realize the importance of taking care of “me.” Too often as busy moms, we neglect our own needs and desires, and that just makes us feel unattractive and unhappy. (C’mon…you knew that I had to throw Mom Sexy in here somewhere, right)? I am a true and authentic mom because I realize that I am still a WOMAN. I’m still FUN. I’m still BEAUTIFUL. And I’m still MOM SEXY…regurgitated pizza, poop, and all.
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Love your list and it is so write on! I find half eaten food and toys in my purse and I am still wiping butts! That part I have to say I can’t wait until it is done!
Mmm, pizza… Love the little gems I find at the bottom of my purse.
First of all, your little guy is ADORABLE!!! Love your list – and I too, dream of one day owning an expensive purse again … probably far far in the future. But dreams are good, right?
Hilarious post as usual
Love this! Love YOU! So true…I just got puked on-repeatedly-a couple of weeks ago. Such is the glamorous life of a mom, right? Sorry I have been MIA.
My son took a black Sharpie to my old brown Dooney & Burke bag one day. The purse was 10 yrs old but I had brought it out for a special occasion. I still haven’t found a way to get it 100% out, that was 2 yrs ago.
The list is dead on though. Although now I don’t carry the Hot Wheels, my son has his own little backpack to put them in. I end up carrying that instead but not very often.
I love this list, and after I finish telling you how much I love it I’ll go over & check out Theta Mom’s.
All of these things, yes. And what I love best is the fact that we do things things without thinking “ooh, this makes me a True & Authentic Mom for SURE.” Nope, we just do them – we do what comes naturally (if not easily) and we do it because we’ve made the choice to be moms.
I’m so happy to hear I’m not the only one that feeds their child cheez-its for dinner. Some nights I just don’t want to deal with the fighting! He scarfs those puppies down like there’s no tomorrow. And I’m perfectly fine with that.
absolutely I can relate to all of that my purse is no longer a fashion accessory but a mini bag for all the crap (that used to be literal ya know stinky diapers you didnt want to throw away at a non moms house lol) that I have to carry around for Bailey. Shower time is usually shared, potty time i always have an audience and yesterday I was peed on by Bailey.. he is 3 and that hasnt happened since he was an infant when I havent quite mastered the replace and cover concept so Yeah I think all this makes an authentic mom!
I frequently go through my purse wondering ‘where did this come from?’ or ‘ohhhh that’s where that went!’ or ‘what the heck is this??’
um… your BFF doesnt really want time to herself at the nursing home… what’s the fun in that? the end.
and ps- i LOVE that picture
I can relate to all 10. #9 is on my list of top #10 things you used to take for granted before having kids.
I’ll have to post that list to my blog this week… Oh yeah, the week’s almost over and I still have too much $#it to do… Maybe next week…
“I’ve had to hop off webinars and conference calls because my son needed me to wipe his ass. The end.” <—This is the kind of stuff of why I heart you Mommyologist! You tell it like it is and girl – there are so many aspects of this gig that are so not glam!
I totally love this post – so funny and so TRUE. You are such a great bloggy friend and I so cannot wait to finally meet you IRL.
Thanks for linking up and sharing mama – and as always, for supporting me.
xo
LOL!!!! The best one was having to get off a conference call to wipe butt!!
I’m hoping that one day, motherhood will not be about poop quite as much. Wonder how long that will take!
I loved the whole list….and it’s so honest and funny and TRUE!!!!
you are AMAZING and funny and Such a inspiration of just LIVING , being a good mommy to me.
HUGS
Love your list. You really are an authentic mom. Fabulous!
hilarious! I love your post! I can totally relate to so much of this list. Especially the bathroom privacy. with a two year old and a 7 month old puppy i am pretty much NEVER alone.
Love the picture! You look fab, darling.
That is so funny. I can totally relate to ALL of those. It’s funny that I buy gigantic purses now so that I can stuff all of my kids things in it! Oh well, at least it’s “stylish”.
Love the matchbox cars and underpants! I have an inhaler, crayons, and wiki stix in my purse….plus my iphone which has been used on more than one occasion to “entertain.”
Uuuum, what exactly is a bloggy bootcamp and what do you doooo there??? HAHA!
Been there done all those things..poop, matchbox cars, barf! I told you that refuse to let go of motherhood by carrying the plunger. Well, when my son comes to VA to visit, I’m ready…one in each bathroom! I wish we had a Bloggy Boot Camp…so yes I am jealous! I am so new to this my head is spinning…no it’s NOT menopause!
Surprisingly, as I tell friends who are considering adoption, it is NOT the human coming out of your vagina that makes you an authentic mom. It’s all in the raising, darling.
I have to carry extra panties for my little one. When she pees on a public toilet, it always shoots out onto her panties. I must sound crazy to other people in the restroom when they hear me say, “keep it in the potty!”. Being a mom is awesome, poop and all.
Your purse cracks me up, and unfortunately, sounds VERY familiar! You are definitely a Theta Mom
Your list sounds awfully familiar. I just bought a really nice purse and still haven’t used it because with 2 little girls, I just know it will be ruined before the week is out. As for sleep, who needs sleep anyway? See you at bloggy boot camp in Philly!
Yes, I have been pooped on, peed on and believe it or not thrown up on but somehow it found it’s way in my mouth. Freaking disgusting. I never can go to the bathroom in peace, can’t even get dressed without my son pulling at my clothes. I have fed him crackers, chips and cookies for dinner (not all at once) and I am a nutritionist. I have just learned it is not worth the fight. Sometimes I hear “mommy” so much any other name would be more refreshing. My son could call me a biatch and it would be better. Okay, well maybe not but al least I would be laughing. Even though being a mom is crazy, I wouldn’t change it for the world!
I’m gonna have to agree with number 10. You are definitely mom sexy!
here! here! well said and very true.
Great article I love the part about missing sleep.I have not had a full nights sleep in over 4 years and counting.
Thanks
Wendy
Great post! Just about all those things are part of my life, too!I’ve read quite a few of these lately. Lots of fun! Glad to have found your website through Life Without Pink.
You are TOTALLY GORGEOUS! I loved this list, and of course, I was nodding away in total agreement! xo (Are you going to BlogHer? I so wish you were! Would love to meet you!)
Love It, Love It, Love It….
When I read you had to hop of conference calls to wipe your sons ass that made me laugh out loud haha. I have done jigsaws and even pushed my daughter on a swing whilst on conference calls.
Do I qualify lol
Beth
These are great! I have 2 young grandchildren (2 and a half and 10 months old). I’m watching my own daughter be a mother and the changes in her are gigantic! It’s amazing to watch and also pleasurable for me because I can walk away from it all.
I really don’t know how I did it myself at the time, you Moms are amazing and wonderful, congratulations to you all for doing such a great job!
This is great and just can relate to so much. We are multi-multi taskers bottom line. Very funny, hope your days are good ones – you deserve them!
This is a wonderful post. You are definitely a Theta Mom! I love that picture of you and your son!
Hee! I just have to laugh, you may find the day when the carried underwear in the purse if for you after all! Wish it wasn’t true
Kristin
I love your list. I am known to carry extra clothes for my five year old. He is the worlds messiest kid and hates to be dirty.
Love the list … and ThetaMom! ;0) If it gives you some hope, you do get to go to the bathroom in privacy again when he turns about five. And if you’re really evil and want revenge, wait until he’s about 9 or 10 and barge in on him when he’s in the bathroom. By that age, they are absolutely mortified of you invading THEIR privacy! ;0)
Thanks for stopping by my blog today! ;0)
Dear Mommyologist,
Yes, you are a “true authentic” and, if I can add, sexy mom who gets it all and seems to relish in this time, that, while poopy, passes by oh so fast.
Sincerely yours,
Sarah Baron
Anonymous8
this is why i love you so much. you are honest and awesome.
It always comes back to the poop, doesn’t it! Ha! I’m also glad to hear that you aren’t carrying the extra underpants for yourself
. By the way, is that photo taken in Mystic?