I wrote a similar post to this one over a year ago…and honestly, I could probably crank out a brand new one every single month. Without further ado, I give you:
10 things I Never Thought I’d Say Till I Had A Kid…
1. “No bare butts on the dining room chairs!”
2. “Stop farting on your finger and smelling it!”
3. “Put your weiner back in your pants.” (Or at least, I never thought I’d say this in a situation other than turning down some frat daddy in college).
4. “DON’T wipe that booger on the table. Give it to me, please…I’ll put it in my purse.” (Said at a restaurant…)
5. “What you do with your wiener when you turn 18 is your business, but until then, I get to tell you what you can and can’t do with it.”
6. “No honey…my wiener didn’t fall off. Mommy doesn’t have a wiener.” (Anyone else noticing a trend here)?
7. “I’m sorry, I’m going to have to call you back. I just peed in my pants a little bit.”
8. “Did you poop at school today, honey? What color was it?”
9. “Sure…I’ll get you a snack sweetie…right after I get off the toilet.”
10. “For the love of GOD…watch where you’re aiming that thing and quit pissing on the walls!”
Now, if you’ll excuse me, I need to go fetch the Clorox wipes to try and salvage what’s left of the powder room.
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We spend out childhoods learning that our “privates are private” and “don’t talk about poop at the table”, then we spend our adulthood talking about wieners, butts, poop and pee with our kids. Love it! Yes, there are so many things I never thought I’d say, and now say without giving it a second thought. Hilarious.
Funny how much wiener talk there is. Mutliply that by 3 around my house. OMG.
LMAO…I just can’t…lol this is hillarious and now makes me want to notice of the things I say to my son…or the things he says to me. Once they are all listed like that it really puts the life of mommy into perspective and to sum it up…comedy! Thanks for the laugh on this cold monday in PA.
LOL.
Oh my. i guess it is a good thing i had all girls….
Hilarious as usual.
Hmm, I get to say lots of those things around my house too. Boys are such fun!
I can so relate to #3,9, & #10 had me almost choking on my lunch.
LOL. Boys are fun.
hahahahahahahahahahaha
My big one is: I know it tickles and all that, but we save that stuff for when we are alone.
Yikes!
LOL at all the wiener talk. Thank goodness we don’t have that going on…at least not that much! My six year old does like to “check” and make sure it’s still there far too often though.
You did NOT really offer to put a booger in your purse, did you!? I can barely type through the laughing and tears! And, I’ve totally said #8 more times than I care to count.
Haha #6, in particular, made me laugh out loud. With a little girl, no weiner talk around here. But I’m sure we will have a whole lot of other “interesting” discussions as time goes on. This post cracks me up. And I think I remember you writing it last year
Having 3 boys myself, I feel your pain!
This is too funny. I love all the weiner ones.
Oh, I needed that laugh! My son is keen on wiping his butt and then peeling apart the toilet paper to check what’s in it…ugh!
Best,
Tina
LMAO Ahhh the joys of motherhood. The other day my son called me to the bathroom telling me to hurry. I run up and he looks at me and says “Look mommy I make circles” as he is making circles in the toilet with his pee. Thankfully he did not get the floor or the wall.
*SO FUNNY* seriously I think we could all write our own version of this.
We talk about the “PENIS” all the time. All. THE. TIME.
Motherhood – it’s like normal life, just with more wiener.
Oy the things you have to try to handle while just trying to go to the bathroom! why do they always need something as soon as you sit on the toilet!
OMG! The booger in your purse – I can’t stop giggling! My most insane Mommy statement was “Hey! We DO NOT throw animals!” Geesh!
Loves it!! I keep meaning to write something like that, and you’re right, you could totally write a new one every month!
bwhahahaha!!!! I have 4 boys…I know EXACTLY what you are talking about. Farts, weiners, boogers, and bodily noises are all in a days’ work. I’ve actually come to enjoy their little idiosycracies. Boys are an entirely different species!!
Jaysus, we had the whole “dinger” conversation not long ago. And boogers, don’t get me started. “This one is a ROCK!!”
Poop color is key, it’s key information.
LMAOOOOO! The boogar in the purse..will forever give me a visual, for many years to come
LOLOLOLOL!!! SO true!! My fav is the poop at school question. I ask that question ALL OF THE TIME!! Ha! And the color? Really important information!!!
Oh my gosh – I laughed and laughed! I totally hear you and have said all most everything on your list! The things we have to say to our sons, it’s never ending! I LOVE your list!
Hilarious! Unfortunately, I can relate to most of them, too. I just might have to do a post like this, and if I do, I’ll give you a shout out
Oh, #10, how you sound all too familiar! “And could you lean forward to make sure you get it all in the bowl please? I don’t need pee on my walls!”
“What color was it?” YES!!!!
Number 10 = yes how hard is it to aim, pay attention to what you are doing and the floors will thank you. Clorox wipes work great to get that pee out from in between the little cracks of the toilet seat and the hinges.
Hilarious!
What is up with the wiener showing at your house? LOL! My son is the opposite. He is very shy about his man parts but that is ok with me! My house is all about the farts though. It is kind of ridiculous. I am also always asking Peanut if she pooped today. Not so much the color but more just to make sure that she is going at least once a day. Oh the joys of being a mom!
I always thought, “kids say the darndest things” was hysterical, but as a mom, I say some darn funny stuff too! Some of my favorites are here: http://momliners.com
The color of poop. Classic.
What a hilarious list! I have 2 girls so our convos don’t have the weiner component to them, but we do have a lot of “if you want to touch your privates, please do so in your own room, not here on the sofa.” This weekend I heard myself saying, “please close your legs and stop letting the cat sniff your privates!” Insanity! Came to you through Life Without Pink.
So True!!!
Awesome list! #4 made me laugh out loud!
Haha, what a great list. I am sure I will get my share of gems as Kaia gets older.
That is funny! I think I’ve said similar things myself. I have three boys.
Hilarious!
My little guy is also obsessed with his penis.
Me – “stop touching johnson”
Boy – “i’m not i’m touching these balls”
AAAHHH!!!!!
I have never talked about poop so much in my life. A two year old and poop talk go hand in hand at my house.
Is this what I can look forward to with a son?! All this weiner talk…holy cow. LOL I can understand it though; at 2 years old my son thinks it’s a toy. Here’s to some feminism somewhere in our lives.
I never thought I would have so many conversations about where it is and isn’t appropriate to fart in my life. Then my stepson entered my life. I also had to explain why the same rules do not apply to the dog.
Hilarious
My 6 year-old nephew asked me a couple of days back where by daughter’s you-know-what was
I’m glad I’m not the only one that cleans an entire bathroom with closed wipes!
And it all begins in the hospital when they start telling you about merconium!
oh Mary, that is too funny. We must be living parallel lives because as the mom of a little boy I’m sure I’ve said some of those same exact things.
Life with boys provides no dull moments!! Number 5 is my favorite, I’m going to have to remember that one!
#9 blaaahh {laughing} that’s so been my line lately. Thanks for the laugh. Great post idea
Hope you’ll pop over and check out the new look. I changed my blog and my hair. Whoot!
Hilarious!! Cracking up….needed a laugh today.
AHHHH HAAA HAA Did you poop at school today and what color was it? That is so great!
That cracked me up today! LOVE IT! HAHAHAHAHA! New follower here! If you have a chance come visit me at praisesofawifeandmommy.blogspot.com
Hope your weekend is going great!