“Mom Sexy won’t happen overnight…but it will happen…”
That’s what I say to brand new moms who look at me and ask, “Am I ever going to feel like myself again? I had this kid four months ago…why am I still wearing maternity clothes? How in the hell did you ever get your body back, Mary?”
And again, I repeat, “Mom Sexy won’t happen overnight…but it will happen…”
Right after I had my son, I came home from the hospital with what I like to call “delusions of MILF-ness.” I figured that because I had successfully popped out a human being, that my body would just magically go, “Oh, ok, we aren’t preggo anymore…time to break out the pre-baby clothes!”
Um…yeah…that didn’t exactly happen.
I gained a good 50 pounds while I was pregnant with my son. Before I conceived, I weighed about 130 pounds. When I checked into the hospital to give birth, I weighed in around 180. And after 24-hours of labor and squeezing an 8-pound kid out of my cha-cha, I couldn’t wait to hop on the scale when I came home to see that the majority of the weight had magically disappeared. And I was in complete and total shock when the number on the scale at home read 185. I GAINED WEIGHT IN THE HOSPITAL. Who in the hell GAINS weight after delivering a child?
The reality of post-partum Mom Sexy is that at first…it really isn’t sexy at all. I’m sure there are a few chicks who will argue otherwise and will say that the sexiest they ever felt was the day they came home from the hospital after giving birth, but I think it’s safe to assume that the majority of gals reading this will agree with me.
After all, it’s kind of hard to feel sexy when you’re walking like you have a stick up your ass after having your hoo-hoo practically ripped in two, squeezing your butt cheeks together to keep the Tucks medicated pad from falling out of your crack, and changing your shirt ten times a day because the nipple pads you got on sale aren’t worth a shit as far as absorbency goes.
And if I wasn’t feeling disgusted enough with the strange substances that were oozing out of every orifice of my body after delivering my son…I had to torture myself by picking up a few magazines at the store featuring brand new celebrity moms on the cover, all glowing and shit with their newborns. (And honestly, I don’t even know why in the hell I bought the damn magazines because I had no time to read them in between diaper explosions and all-night screaming fits).
As I picked them up to read them, with delusions-of-MILFness still running around in my head…here are a couple examples of what I saw:
- “All Glowing And Shit”
- Gisele Bundbitch
Uh….WHAT?
If the hubster and I had been pictured on the cover of PEOPLE after bringing home our son, somebody probably would’ve arrested one or both of us. I looked like I had two black eyes from total lack of sleep, and my face looked like the Stay-Puff marshmallow man from Ghostbusters. And in the photo, I probably would’ve been trying to strangle the hubster instead of looking lovingly at our son.
On to the Gisele Bundbitch photo. I totally could’ve posed for the same photo as Gisele and looked comparable to her…except for the fact that my little dude’s foot would’ve been propped up on the extra layers of skin and fat that still surrounded my mid-section.
Images like this are what make post-partum Mom Sexy so much harder for the rest of us “normal” gals. They set an unrealistic expectation of how women are supposed to look and feel after giving birth…which is one of the most amazing, yet hardest things we will ever do in our lives. And then we look at those images and put unnecessary pressure on ourselves to get back to pre-baby form as soon as possible.
And the worst part is that these photos are put out there to DELIBERATELY make us look at ourselves and wonder why in the hell we don’t look as MILF-y as those celebrities. They WANT us to be jealous. They WANT us to feel bad. They WANT to rub it in our faces that our MILF-ness is a LONG way off.
And this is the point in this post where I really put myself out there….because THIS is the reality of post-partum Mom Sexy.
Yep...that's ME!
I am not ashamed of that photo, and I’m not embarrassed to show it to the whole world…because it’s REALITY. All of those magazine covers of celebrities post-baby…are BULLSHIT.
It took me a good nine months to a year to get back to looking and feeling like ME again after having my son. And I’m happy to report that almost five years later…I’m feeling better about myself than I EVER have in my entire life.
“Mom Sexy won’t happen overnight…but it WILL happen.”
Hang in there, girls.
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thanks for sharing this, this is the reality of having a baby. This will help all those new mothers know that getting their body/mom sexy back will happen, it just won’t happen overnight. You have spread hope to all the new moms out there!!
This post is AWESOME. I couldn’t agree with you more about all those crazy celeb photos. I had the most ridiculous c-section ever (nearly resulting in a hysterectomy) and looked just like the Michelin man after delivering my son (5 months ago.) I’m still just *barely* squeezing back into my pre-baby jeans and can’t wait to lose this extra belly. But I know it will happen! I will get my Mom Sexy Back
BTW, you look amazing
All I have to say about those post-partem magazine pics is Photoshop! Crap like that is why women are so hard on themselves.
You look fabulous in that picture!
I want to punch Giselle in her tiny little stomach.
You, my dear, look FABULOUS!!!! I love that you posted a real before and after pic.
I broke all the blood vesels in my face pushing out my firstborn. OMG, I looked HORRID. And was under the delusion that I was skinny right after I had my son- b/c after all, my stomach had gone down soon. But, then I looked closer in the mirror and in pics and HATED my body.
It does take a while to get back to mom sexy. Btw, as I was trying on jeans last night at the mall, when I found the pefect pair, I thought DAMN, I’m MOM SEXY!
Thank you! I love it! No one tells you about the “ripe fruit” feeling! The fact that you feel like something’s just going to flow out of you at any minute (probably because things already are)! The best thing a new mommy can buy is a girdle! It will help you not feel woozy. I don’t know why but I felt like a ripe fruit and at times that made me woozy when touching my tummy.
I don’t care what you say about that picture. Here’s what I see. A beautiful baby boy and a radiant mom. And dammit! That’s all that matters!
oxoxox
I think one of the most surprising things for me and a lot of my mom friends was how you can get back to your starting weight BUT that doesn’t mean clothes fit the same. So I weigh the same now, but need to buy bigger pants sometimes.
Thanks for the post. I have 17 month old twins. I’m pretty close to prepreggo weight (within 2 pounds) but it took a lot of work to get there. And I still want those last 2 pounds gone! It’s worth the effort, though, just to feel better and more like myself.
Awesome Mary. I had the same issues of “puffy face” after my first son was born. (Didn’t know how to “push” properly.)
Yes, it took a long while to get that Mom Sexy back. My 3rd son is 7 1/2 and I’m still working on getting back to “my ideal figure”.
I felt horrible after my labors. My first left me with 32 stitches in my nether region I don’t care who you are no one is sexy walking like that.. It will happen but ya know what sexy is a state of mind. Hubby loved me just as much with all the curves and he loves me now when I sure ain’t as small as when we married
Mar~ as someone who is actively trying to get pregnant, I totally needed this! Due to my progesterone cream, guess who’s already gaining baby weight WITHOUT A BABY??? (Although, the boobs are NICE!) And then there are thoughts & the planning & the “am I ready?” Emotionally, yes! But physically? And Oh SHIT! Wasn’t I supposed to get in shape before I get pregnant! Well, that ship has sailed my dear friend! Seeing how fabulous you look now (and the past several years) and finally knowing what you got up to when you were preggo? Well Ma’am, that is some mighty fine inspiration! I love you dearly and I’m so proud of you!
PS- that hospital photo is beautiful, a most radiant new mother!
I love this because those celebs are full of crap. Sure if I had the dietician, nutritionist, personal chef, fitness trainer, nanny and whatever else at my beck and call…I would look smokin’ hot too. But I don’t! Not many of us do! Real families, real mamas need to be interviewed…that’s who we can learn from. But I do the same thing…I create a beautiful little person, and then tear myself down for months about how Mrs. Celebrity So-and-So can do it, why can’t I! Unrealistic expectations!! More of us “real” mamas need to get together and share “real” stories. I think it would do wonders for our self-esteem!
I am a brand new follower and you look awesome. I too was lucky enough or should I saw worked my butt off to get my prebaby body back after having 2 boys 13 1/2 months apart – Yikes:). I look forward to reading more. You can find me at http://www.bellycharmsblog.com
Thanks for making me feel better! Two months since my son, and I am longing for my abs! I know I need to step it up to actually get back there. But when you see those magazines, you think, that should be me!
In an alternate reality where I alsochave a personal trainer, nutritionist, nanny, personal assistant, where my job was to get back to my money making, pre-baby body, I’m sure my mom sexy would be all ki ds of back in six weeks. Especially with Joe, when I LOST 60 lbs when pregnant, due to almost dying a few times in that awesome nine months. Instead I gained all 60lbs back, and tacked on 30 more, just for fun. I’m 10 lbs from pre Joe weight, just seven whole years later, but I feel like, despite my extra fluffiness, I am way more attractive than I was 10 years ago. I just went to a wedding this past weekend, and tons of people told me I looked fabulous, and I did. Because I figure, even at my non ideal weight, I can be all kinds of mom sexy, and they can enjoy that. I honestly thought in the hotel room, as I put on my dress, “Mary would love this. I am mom sexy, and I rock!”
I love this post. Last night I was searching for inspiring quotes to add to my blog so I could see them everyday while I post. I saw yours this morning and added it. I hope you don’t mind. It’s on my footer if you want to check it out and I linked to your blog so my readers can be mom sexy too!
I needed to read this today.
I have thought that time and time again about the newborn baby-mama celebrities. WHY?!!?!?!?
I had three babies in three years (no, no twins), and gained 55 lbs with each. My baby is just shy of 9 months old. I am 13 lbs heavier today than when I conceived the first one four years ago. And I feel like shit every. day. Why? Probably about 50% because of those magazines, 40% my own bad body image, 5% my double-digit sized jeans, and 5% the frozen Reese’s in my freezer. Ooops.
Thanks for this post. You rule.
Thanks for sharing this Mary. I couldn’t agree more with you and I LOVE your changing of Gisele’s name- Bundbitch! LOL! I wrote her a nasty note on my blog when she spouted off about breastfeeding. I can’t stand that woman! It does take time and you look awesome now!!!
Mary – you’re awesome. Thanks for sharing the reality!
LOVE LOVE LOVE! You look fabulous (before and after!). I loved this post. I hate those mags. Whether you’re post partum or not. I stare at them in the grocery aisle and they just make me feel bad about myself. Sigh…If only we all had a personal trainer, chef, AND got paid to work out and look good.
I really needed to read this tonight. I figure that since I had triplets, I get three times as long to hang onto that baby weight, right?
So, my problem is with Vogue here. How do you put Giselle on the cover in high waisted hot pants and use a tagline that says “Fashion that flatters every figure”? Just ridiculously hypocritical.
Those pictures on the mags are as real as The Bachelor – which I find both annoying, but most importantly – they are NOT real!
I am *still* trying to get into my pre-preggers clothes from baby #2… and that baby is now two. {sigh}
I agree with you 100%. It takes a very long time to get sexy back. You looked pretty good in your hospital shot, though. In mine, both of my eyes were puffy and red from 12 hours of back labor ending in a c-section. I’d been crying for nearly a day and a half, between the back labor and the 7 needle sticks it took to attempt a spinal. Didn’t work, and they eventually just completely knocked me out.
Isn’t it funny that they do the same thing for the babies? They don’t show them how they really look, especially when they portray labor on tv. They show them in flattering lighting, all prettied up and probably 3 months old. Babies don’t look like that after they come out, and the exact same thing is true of moms.
Thanks for this wonderful post. I remember crying in the middle of Old Navy a month after my daughter was born because I had to go to a wedding and had nothing to wear. But now that my ladybug is 19 mos old, I feel and look better than I ever did before I was pregnant.
Mommies are sexy and beautiful…at every age & weight!
You look great!! Has anyone ever told you, you look like Ali Larter? It’s women like you that inspire to lose weight and feel better about my self!!
I posted a picture of myself post-birth on my blog last year for this same reason – after 3 hrs of pushing and a c-section I looked very similar to you!! And that’s reality! I hate that the media makes us think that you’re supposed to look awesome immediately after giving birth. Great post, and super relevant. Love it!
I love the freshness and sincerity of this post!! I had such a misconception about pregnancy that when I could not fulfill all the expectations I had set up for myself I got severely depressed (yes, I actually had pre-partum depression, which nobody talks about)
You look gorgeous, by the way!
Good, good advice to anyone who is about to embark on this mom gig. My blood pressure shot up when I was in labor and because of that they gave me a bunch of magnesium which made my face, hands and feet swell. I looked worse after I gave birth than before. I always felt cheated because even a lot of my friends had some fairly nice pics of them in the hospital with their newborn and I looked awful.
That’s reality folks.
This post is fantastic. This is the stuff that no one wants to talk about, but everyone should. After my second, it wasn’t so much about the number on the scale as much as the fact that I just didn’t feel like myself. I was exhausted, leaky, a little depressed, and frazzled. Good for you for telling it like it is. Your pic makes me nostalgic for CT!!!
Katie
I’m visiting from SITS, and I just wanted to tell you that I think you look gorgeous in BOTH photos, post-partum and later on. Thanks for being so refreshingly honest in your posts, they’re wonderful. <3
I always assume that all magazine women are photoshopped and in real life look exactly like me. I mean, they are, right?
RIGHT????
Hi! I am a current follower of yours and wanted to give you a heads up that I have changed my blog URL. Apparently if you don’t follow me at the new URL, you won’t be a follower at all. My new web address is http://thasuburbanhousewife.blogspot.com
Hope you can come follow me
-Erica
PS. Watch for my first review and giveaway coming soon!!!
Okay ~ I see I’m late to the party here. But you. are. awesome.
I remember thinking (because I finally didn’t have a human being sitting on my bladder and wouldn’t accidentally pee a bit when I sneezed) that I looked pretty damn good a week after giving birth.
I was feeling all good about myself (or trying to fake it, at least).
I look back at pictures and….ummmm….I was horrible. I remember now that I would actually leave the house to get pictures developed (before we had a digital camera) wearing my husband’s t-shirts, boxer shorts and (wait for it) hoop earrings. So I’d be fancy. I was under the hormonally-crazed impression that if I put on hoop earrings, no one would be able to tell that my ponytail hadn’t been washed in five days.
Needless to say I was wrong. But I was a mama. And in love like never before. And that was the most important thing to me.
Now, my kids are 11 and 13 and I (as you said) feel better now than I did before I got pregnant. Except for the wrinkles that are setting in.
I’ll bet Gisele doesn’t get those either. Bitch.
I love this post! I had my 2nd baby in Aug 2010. I am getting my pre-baby body back, but I am having to work SUPER hard! I’m doing Insanity…I in no way looked like a MILF after having my son. My older son is 5, and after him, I managed to get a flat, tone tummy and be strong and thin. It’s like you said – it will happen. I love working out and I just have to keep focused – but it is important for mommies to know that it’s not something that happens overnight. I just became a follower, hope you’ll check out my blog and become a follower too.
Hot Mama! You look amazing!!! Love the truth in this post. You are changing the world Mama.
I have to say that my Mom has been trying to get me to read your blog and I finally (after sneaking out of my room without my 4month old waking up) got just a lil extra time and I am so glad I did! Driving home last night, with my husband and daughter in the car, I just started to cry. My husband asked me what the hell was the matter and in between sobs something along the lines of “I’m still fat and and I’m going to be stuck here at this stupid ass weight forever” and ” why can’t I lose this” ( as I shake my belly at him). My husband looked at me like I was nuts and started saying all the things a husband should say when his wife has a mental melt down.
This post has made me feel ten times better about not going right back to MIlF-ness. I had it in my mind that by Christmas,I had my bug in September, I would be back to pre-prego weight. I am far from it but after reading this post I see a little light at the end of the tunnel! Thanks so much!
I actually just renamed my blog – it’s the The Princess Mommy Diaries anymore, it’s Mommalicious. http://www.momma-licious.blogspot.com. Thanks!
You rock! I love how you just say it as it is! I just had my second baby about two months ago and I know how long it takes but I am still hoping to get back to my pre wedding weight tomorrow. LOL
You look amazing!!
I love this! THANK YOU! 9ms on my baby weighs the exact same amount as I have lost despite working out and watching what I eat … I could still pass for being pregnant and I was traumatised for MONTHS that I was not the essence of MILF that I so longed to be! Thank you for telling it like it is … I am reassured that one day I will get my body back and right now its all about baby!
Couldn’t leave without commenting on this! This is awesome and it’s funny that I read this because I have a similar article I’ve been working on for my blog called “I am Mama.”
It took me a full year to lose the weight I gained with my son but more than that, for me to even slightly feel like “myself” again. I now weigh less than I did before I got pregnant, but my body is forever changed and I love every stretch marked, milk-dripping part of it.
you preach it SITSta! If I see one more magazine cover of some celeb mom looking like she gave birth to almond rather than an 8 pound baby I will go postal in the checkout line…no lie. btw, “Gisele Bundbitch”…classic!
Great article! You have portrayed realism and that is so appreciated. I have been on the post-baby weight train, and it doesn’t look like I am getting of anytime soon, and my precious baby is about to be two. I better hop to it. I don’t want to be riding the same train in another two years.
Once again, kuddos! Happy SITS day!
Thank you so much for this article! I love it! I just had my sweet baby 6 weeks ago, and it’s been an adventure, to say the least! I gained 40 pounds during pregnancy, and it can be so depressing to see the post-partum bulge still present. Thank you for your honesty! I can be encouraged that someday I will be back to “mom sexy” but for now I just need to focus on my little bundle.
My “baby” is 11. I still don’t feel Mama sexy. This year, though, is my year to get myself back. I’m training for a 5K, I’m eating better, and I’m only drinking GOOD wine ;0
I hate that the media and celebrities perpetuate the myth of moms just bouncing back into their previous, size 4 selves. It’s crushing, not just to the new moms but gives men a tooth fairy type fantasy that most of us can’t fulfill. I don’t usually drop my own links, but I have to share what I wrote on the subject too in these posts:
Post Pregnancy Body: Please God Don’t Let This Be Permanent
http://www.mommycribnotes.com/2010/11/post-pregnancy-body-please-god-dont-let.html
No Friggin’ Way: Octomom’s Svelte Post-Baby Belly
http://www.mommycribnotes.com/2010/01/no-friggin-way-octomoms-svelte-post.html
Thanks for helping reveal the truth about postpartum bodies!
Stopping by from SITS! I’ve never had kids, nor for that matter have I ever really been around someone who just has. But even I’m disgusted at the skinny mini post-preggo pics served up on the covers of Vogue and People. Really? How is setting up Giselle as a standard of new mom beauty helpful to real women?
That is a GREAT post. If there are any PPD blogs out there(I haven’t looked) this post would really be a good place of them to link…maybe I will write it.
Happy SITS day!!!
Heidi Klum was criticized for saying the following on a Marie Claire interview:
“I always think, Look at how people were before they were pregnant… If you were a toned, healthy, energetic person, most likely you will be like that again. “A lot of people come to me, and they’re like, ‘Will I look like you after I have the baby?’ And I say, ‘Well, how were you before?’ You can’t kid yourself.”
I think she’s right. Our thinking that we will look like models do after they have birth is just as delusional as thinking we looked like them before we had children. I’m not sure why we do this to ourselves, but I think it’s good for moms to be honest (and funny) about the reality of a post-partum body.
Congratulations on your SITS day. Enjoy!!
This morning I was watching a you-tube exercise video and the thought flashed through my mind, “These women have great bodies but I am seeing wrinkles and funky chests and jiggling thighs,” and then I realized, “Oh ya, this is how great, in-shape, beautiful women look when they are not photoshopped!” We can look great and beautiful and healthy and still have funky chests, jiggly thighs and wrinkles! That is what I am aiming for, anyway, as I do that exercise video
Great story. I LOVE your picture of you right after birth. I can sense the love in the room with your brand new little baby
First of all, I love the look of your blog!
Secondly, you’re totally right!! These women, during pregnancy, had nutritionists and personal trainers who helped them gain only 10 lbs. Then they went back into their pilates or yoga or whatever, for 6 hours a day, 6 days a week a week after giving birth while their nannies take of their baby! We have to remember that for a lot of these women, how they look or how good a shape their bodies are in is THEIR JOB, their business! We don’t have that kind of help or the motivation of our agents and a professional photog waiting in the wings! lol I think it alllll stems from Men! lol They get us pregnant, they have these expectations and they cause us to compete with each other!! lol stupid men….