Did You Lose Your Identity After Having A Kid? I Did.

I don’t know about you, but I had a pretty tough time as a new mom. I missed sleep. I missed my body. I missed being able to go out to dinner at a nice restaurant or hop a plane to Vegas whenever I felt like it. Basically…I missed ME.

And then of course, like every other parent out there who has had these same feelings with a new baby…I felt GUILTY for wanting to get back a piece of my old life.

But you know something? Missing your old life is NORMAL. Wanting to reclaim your identity after having kids is a natural progression for a parent. Because your identity is your SEXY…and your sexy defines who you are.

As a new mom, I didn’t have enough hours in the day to manage all of the tasks that go along with parenting a small child. But as my son got older, I found myself needing more to do with my life. I needed to have something for myself. And most importantly, I needed something to remind me of who exactly I am. Some moms are lucky enough to retain their identities once the munchkins arrive without needing more…but I wasn’t one of them. Not only did I need more…I CRAVED more.

I may be my son’s mom, but I’m also MARY. And I’m The Mommyologist, dammit.

Last week, my good friend Dallas Cyr stopped by and interviewed me about this subject of losing yourself after having kids. We had a great chat over mimosas…and of course we have the whole thing on video. Dallas has been kind enough to feature me on his site for his Monthly Masters series talking all about my experience with reclaiming my identity (my sexy) after I had my son.

Here’s a little more info about Dallas:

A former financial planner, Dallas Michael Cyr is an Entrepreneur, Life Guide, Speaker and Vlogger. His Passion is helping willing individuals live Happier, Healthier and Wealthier lives. Termed the Edutainer, Dallas helps people discover their purpose, reignites people’s fire for life and motivates & inspires everyone to overcome their obstacles and to live LIMITLESS!

Dallas Cyr

“I always say that fear and the false idea of failure are the two most crippling obstacles we have to living a Limitless life. One filled with passion, joy and freedom that many of us dream of. If a doctor categorized these ideas as the disease they are, it would be clear we have an epidemic on our hands.


That is why it’s so important to remember that in any given situation you can have fear or faith; when one is present the other is absent and both are a CHOICE… so choose Faith!”


Dallas Michael Cyr

“Your Guide on the journey to a Limitless Life!

Make sure to head on over and check out my interview with Dallas and learn more about why it is so important to take back your identity after having kids…and why you should never feel guilty about wanting to find your “sexy.” Oh yeah, and one more thing…I’m also giving away a $100 SpaFinder gift card to help you take some time for yourself and think about what your “sexy” is. Watch my interview with Dallas Cyr for all the details!

*In order to enter the SpaFinder gift card giveaway, you must go here and leave a comment. Of course I love when you comment on my blog too, but I want you to be able to have a spa treatment on me, so make sure to enter!

Disclosure: I paid for the SpaFinder gift card myself. They didn’t send it to me. That’s how much I love you guys.


  1. 1
    Suzanne says:

    Isn’t that a universal issue for all moms? Whew, we certainly take a beating, some moms re-find themselves quickly, while others (depending on how many kids?) take longer.

    The guilt thing never seems to go away though…heading over to your interview!:)

    • 2
      Jeni says:

      never goes away?!?!?! I don’t know if i can handle that…. I love my girls (4 and 2) but i hate the way i feel inside….

      There has to be something…. anything….

      going to watch the interview tonight when the girls go to sleep.

  2. 3
    Shell says:

    SO freaking hard after kids! It’s like a secret that no one tells you. Or if they do tell you, you don’t believe it.

    I’ll go watch your video after I get home from the gym!

  3. 4
    Evonne says:

    I think losing yourself after having kids is chapter 5 in the book of Things No One Tells You After Becoming a Mom.

    I can also relate to craving more now that my kids are older. I just can’t figure out what that “more” is.

  4. 5

    Very good point – it is very common for moms to lose themselves in their children and then again when their children go off to school. As a dad, I think one of our biggest roles in this is the supporting role. We do our best to help you regain that sexy and rediscover yourself, if necessary. I don’t think men struggle like women do, typically, because our role in the child’s upbringing is typically different. Who knows though, stay-at-home dads may have a similar experience!

  5. 6

    I for sure lost my identity after having kids. My kids are now 4 and 6 and I am finally getting it back. I am definitely not the 25 year old pre kid woman anymore but I think now I am a better version of myself then. DOes that make sense? My kids make me want to a be a better person not just on the inside but also on the outside.

  6. 7
    Jenn says:

    Yes! Except for me it was probably worse than that… I was 16 when I got pregnant.. so lost my identity and my childhood! 7 years later… still trying to get a piece of me back! Love your blog!

  7. 8
    Rory says:

    you so get it. God Bless you for that.

  8. 9

    I totally lost myself too. I now make it a priority to have ME time, time out with the girls, time to be RACHEL. It is a must. I love that you are writing about this because too many moms out there don’t this for themselves.

  9. 10
    Kristy says:

    Thanks for helping us all feel “normal!” Congrats on the interview. Everyone wants to talk to you!

  10. 11
    LB says:

    My kids are 5 and 6 yet I still haven’t gotten mine back. I miss the old, spontaneous, fly-by-the-seat-of-your-pants me.

  11. 12
    blueviolet says:

    I can’t even tell you how many years it took before I cared about being sexy again.

  12. 13

    I’m still in the midst of an identity crisis so I need pointers!

  13. 14
    Kate says:

    It took me a long time to find myself again & to realize that I’m a new person too. It was especially hard when a some of my closest girlfriends who didn’t have children just disappeared. That was hard! They didn’t understand, but now that he’s older I’m able to go & do more.

    I wouldn’t change it though, the interview sounds awesome, so does the gift card, I’m going to check it out.

  14. 15

    I think we all lose a little bit of ourselves when we have kids, but I also think that we gain so much more. I have learned so much more about myself since having my daughter than I ever did before having her.

  15. 16
    Angie says:

    Great interview – seems like you’ve really tapped into your niche :) I’m fortunate that I don’t really feel like I’ve completely lost myself, but I know that I don’t take enough time for myself either. Life is definitely different as a parent and within that first year I started a few projects to keep my brain working on things that made me feel good. Reading blogs like this is one of the “ME” things I do everyday also … sometimes it’s the only adult conversation I have. Thanks for introducing us to someone new – I enjoyed browsing Dallas’s website.

  16. 17

    Great post! So hard to be a mom! I”m so glad I found you twitter

  17. 18

    I miss certain parts of my old identity, definitely. And it took a while to re-figure out who I was. But now I feel like I have a new identity. Very different, but still great.
    Heading over to check it out now!

  18. 19

    Being a mom is definitely hard- it’s so important to maintain the me in mommy for sure!

  19. 20
    Emma says:

    I was pretty lucky when I had a young baby and was a Single Mum that my Brother was completely awesome and looked after my girl so that I could have time to be me!!! xx

  20. 21
    Courtney K. says:

    such a great, great interview! And you’re right. Finding yourself after having a baby is the hardest thing to do. That’s become somewhat of a mantra for me….encouraging women to do things for THEMSELVES. :) Love it.

  21. 22

    Thank you for posting this – NO ONE ever tells you that it’s normal to feel like this once you have a baby. Thank you!

  22. 23
    Mimzy Wimzy says:

    I had my kids so early that I am realizing now, I never had an identity before they came along. Now, 2 out of 3 are gone & I guess I need to figure out who “I” am. My Hubby {who is wonderful but has only been around for the past few years and missed all the infant/toddler/young child years with my kids} keeps telling me I need to be fun. Fun? What?
    Looks like maybe I have come to the right place.

  23. 24
    Alexandra says:

    Oh, the worst part?

    I knew NO ONE who would be honest about this.

    The posers.

    They made me feel like I was the only one.

    Only on the internet, did I discover “real “people, but not in my “real ” life.

    Ironic, isn’t it?


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