I Loathe The Bus

My little dude has only been in Kindergarten for three days, and I’ve already developed an irrational fear of him getting on the school bus. Actually, “I LOATHE the bus.” (You get ten extra points if you know what movie I just quoted).

And it’s not because I’m getting all sappy and shit about him growing up and going off to big kid school, because (NEWS FLASH) that’s what kids DO.

I actually did okay with the whole bus routine the first couple times, but today, things changed a bit. To be quite honest, I’m still a little bit stressed out after today’s bus stop events.

Little dude and I went out into the garage to wait for the bus. It always passes by our house first and it goes down the street to pick up the other kindergartners in the neighborhood and then it loops back around to pick up my little guy. We saw the bus go past, so we walked down to the end of the driveway for him to be picked up.

And then it happened.

He looked at me and said, “Mommy, we need to go back into the house for a second.”

Then I said, “Honey, we can’t go back inside right now or you’ll miss the bus!”

And then he said very convincingly, “But Mommy, I NEED TO POOP!!”

I asked him if he could hold the poop till he got to school, and he said he could not.

And then for a split second, I had visions of my poor little dude either a.) squeezing his poor little butt cheeks together the whole way to school with a turtle head poking out, or b.) not being able to hold the poop in and shitting himself on the school bus.

At that point, I scooped him up, ran inside, sat him down on the toilet still wearing his backpack, and told him to poop faster than he’d ever pooped in his life.

Somehow he managed to get the deed done in about ten seconds, and we made it back outside to the bus stop just in time for him to be picked up.

And off he went to school, happy as a clam.

But now, each and every single time I go to put that kid on the bus, I will probably traumatize him by asking him over and over again if he has to poop before the bus shows up.

And even if he does have to poop, he probably WILL suck it in just to shut me up.

Oh man…I totally loathe that damn school bus.

I think I need an extra glass of wine to calm my nerves in preparation for tomorrow’s departure.


  1. 1
    Erin says:

    I had to wipe the spit off my computer screen while reading this one, Mar. I can sooo picture you and your little man in this situation. Backpack on while pooping is hysterical… the what ifs if I don’t are so funny… and true. This is the comic relief I needed right now! :)

    • 2
      The Mommyologist says:

      Glad I gave you a laugh! I seriously didn’t know what to do!!! I was so afraid he would miss the bus!

  2. 3
    Erin says:

    I am still laughing and now having A read it. xxx

  3. 4

    Thanks for making me laugh out loud!!! Lol. Glad you guys made it back out there in time 😉

  4. 6
    Angel says:

    AWw poor lil guy decisions decisions, but when ya gotta go ya gotta go.. but most drivers will blow their horn and wait for a second or so to see if you are coming.

  5. 8

    Who knew that would be the most stressful part of his day???

  6. 10
    Cam says:

    that was too freaking funny!

  7. 12

    Ha! I’m glad you made it in and out again before he missed the bus. I think the crapping his pants on the school bus would have haunted him much longer than you asking him if he needs to poop 100 times every morning. :)

  8. 14

    That’s so ironic – that’s what I ask my friends when we ride the bus!

  9. 16
    blueviolet says:

    You just gotta up the fiber at a different time of day so that his poop time falls post-bus! 😉

  10. 18

    Sixteen candles!!!!
    And I loathe the bus stop…….

  11. 20

    16 Candles baby…
    oh yeah, I know that…
    And we don’t do the bus, I would actually have to leave my house earlier to get him to the bus stop as opposed to driving the five minutes myself…but carline? shoot me.

  12. 22

    so not where i thought this would go from the title, but hilarious all the same!

  13. 24
    Shell says:

    OMG, I’m cracking up! At least there wasn’t an accident!

  14. 26

    *Knocking on wood* we’ve done pretty good with the bus for the last few years. But it always amazes me how boys hold their business until the very last second.

  15. 28
    Anna says:

    I am not sure I’ll ever do the bus… I really get your stress!! We drive (really close now thank goodness), we park AND I walk her to the door!

    • 29
      The Mommyologist says:

      Anna, you are smart to take her! I should probably just drive him, but all the other kids in our neighborhood take the bus! Sigh…

  16. 30
    Nicole Rogers says:

    For those of us in the colder climates – we get to add a SNOWSUIT to complicate the situation! Fun times!

  17. 32
    Nolie says:

    LMAO sorry but you knew we would all be laughing. Thankfully at the present time my kid does his business in the afternoon and only goes to school in the morning. I really hope his need to poop does not change to morning.

  18. 34
    Rebecca says:

    Why is it our kids always seem to need to us the potty at the most inconvenient times? Uh, I laugh but that’s so stinks (ha ha). I’m potty training {s t i l l…} so we have lots of these kinds of stories. More wine dear!

  19. 36
    Becky says:

    totally had to laugh out loud. i so get this…add a pooping kid to any situation, and i am stressed. :)
    so glad i found your blog…cute and refreshingly real.

    • 37
      The Mommyologist says:

      Thank you so much! I am so glad you understand. I’m so relieved when he poops first thing in the morning!

  20. 38
    Micheline says:

    16 Candles! Damn, I wish I was the first to guess that.

    Anyway, hilarious. I have similar fears sending my son off to preschool, but more that he’ll poop in his Pull Ups as soon as he arrives.

  21. 40

    Ha! Hilarious…just hilarious. (Just when you thought you could stop asking about poop, right?!)

  22. 42
    nmaha says:

    I ask the “do you need to pee” question about 10 times before we get into the car for V’s school drop-off. And heaven help if she hasn’t pooped that morning.

    I totally understand, go have that glass of wine and pour one for me as well.

  23. 44
    Katina says:

    It gets better with time! I promise. I agree with Not a Perfect Mom–the car line makes me need a VALIUM!

  24. 46

    Yeah, I’ve had that discussion before. But we have a 700′ long driveway, so if they forget something while we are down there, they’re shit out of luck. If they miss the bus, then I have the annoying privilege of driving them to school which takes up about 35 min. of my time.

    This year it isn’t so bad because they are picked up at about the same time I’d leave to drop them off.

    Before, they were picked up about 40 min. early so I might schedule a morning appointment. If I had to drop them at school, I’d miss my appointment!

  25. 48
    Kir says:

    16 candles!!!! Your little dude..sounds just like my little dudes!!!!! That is the best story.

  26. 50

    Ha! This is too funny!

  27. 51
    AZLB says:

    We had the same experience for the first 2 weeks of school. Every time we would walk to the bus stop she would say my stomach hurts- which is her code for I gotta go…we have a walk so I had to send her on her way and hope she didn’t come home in spare pants from the nurses office. Fortunately after day 2 I started reminding her to “try” about 15min before we left….but we weren’t perfect on remembering and the free lasted till she calmed down those first day of school jitters.

  28. 53
    Jessica says:

    Typical boy! My brother did the exact same thing as a kid. When were about the leave the house, he decides it’s high time to take a dump. Husband is the same way. Hoping my daughter doesn’t follow suit.

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