Kindergarten May Give Me The Shits

OMG.

My son has only been in kindergarten for a week and a half, and I’m already considering selling my soul to his former preschool in the hopes that they’ll take him back for the next 18 years.

I honestly don’t know if I can handle this big kid shit. Because the big kid shit is totally going to give ME the shits.

Here’s a run down of how things have gone thus far:

 

Day One: I got in trouble with the bus driver because I told little dude to get off with the kids across the street when the bus stopped. Apparently “they don’t cross kindergartners,” and I was instructed that she would drive down the street and drop off more kids and then swing back around and deposit little dude right in front of our house. (How the hell was I supposed to know that)?

Day Two: I went over the afternoon bus routine at least 30 times with little dude so that I didn’t get in trouble with the bus driver again. And I totally got on his last nerve after explaining things over and over and over again. And then I found myself sitting in my kitchen nervous eating all damn day until he got home because I was so worried that he wouldn’t do that shit correctly. (For the record, he did).

Day Three: Little dude decided he needed to drop a deuce about two minutes before the bus pulled up. Cue the stress.

Days Four through Six: Went pretty normal.

Days Seven and Eight: I pulled little dude out of school to attend a family event in Pittsburgh. (Shame on me for screwing up his perfect attendance record).

Which brings us right up to Day Nine.

Day Nine: Little dude came home with a freakin’ FUNDRAISING packet. And I HATE that shit. (The general consensus on Twitter is that I should just write a check and be done with it. Love the support of my tweeps).

He also came home with piece of paper with the letter “B” on it, and he had drawn pictures next to the letter of things that start with “B.”

Looks like the teacher thought the bike and balloon he sketched were pretty cute. The “bomb” he drew? Not so much.

(That’s what I get for having 9/11 news coverage on in our hotel over the weekend).

Oh yeah, and one more thing? Little dude announced that he is the “special helper” at school tomorrow, and that he has to bring in a show-and-tell item that begins with the letter “G.”

“G.”

What the fu&%?

What the hell begins with “G” that is good for show-and-tell?

I suggested his bucket of “gardening tools” and he shot me down.

 

This is a perfect "G" item, don't you think?

 

And his damn “guitar” is too big for his backpack.

And something tells me that if he brings in “gin,” it will be kind of frowned upon.

Yeah…something tells me that Day TEN is going straight to hell in a handbasket.

As I said…I just don’t think I’m cut out for this shit.

 

 

Comments

  1. 1
    MandyP says:

    I know exactly how you feel. We’re off to quite a bumpy start this school year too. And shame on you for not letting me know you were in Pittsburgh!!! :)

  2. 3

    Can’t wait to hear what he brought today. I’m sure it will get better, mama!

    • 4
      The Mommyologist says:

      Thank you! Still stressed out, but hoping things calm down soon. Savor every second while Harlan is little!!

  3. 5
    Jessica says:

    Oh this is so funny, all of the “rules” of school are such a pain aren’t they? After already getting one into high school, as I sat through preschool orientation for my little one last week I couldn’t help but dread the projects they were announcing. Can’t they just do all of that at school? Good luck with day 10 and 11-whenever the end of the school year is.

  4. 7
    Evonne says:

    Big kid school can be so much fun, right? I’m not sure which is worse – being slammed with paperwork for me to fill out about my kids or fundraisers right off the bat.

    “G” is a tough letter. My daughter was that letter in their letter people parade and she had to wear a bunch of “G” stuff. I hope you found something he could take in.

  5. 9
    Amy says:

    LOL! I feel like you just read my mind! I wish I could call Ms. Joy, our preschool teacher, and beg and bribe her to take us back. Just wait until your first PTO meeting- I had mine last night and I’m sure I looked like a deer caught in headlights the entire time. FYI- we have to do a different letter for Show and Tell every Friday- I google for ideas :) For G we took Gordon the Train. Kindergarten is overwhelming- we’re just taking it day by day!

    • 10
      The Mommyologist says:

      I’m avoiding the PTO like the plague! I seriously didn’t know how stressful kindergarten would be.

      • 11
        Cecilia says:

        Hi Mommyologist,

        I met you a couple times in Power Yoga, you are a breath of fresh air and I am loving your VBLOG.

        My son is now in 2nd Grade and it is not easy when they head off to school.

        I encourage you not to avoid the PTO like the plague, but instead to take some time to explore it and learn more. The PTO does so much important work for the Teachers and the Children collectively that is very needed. I work part time and I joined the PTO at my son’s school in Ellington when my son started Kindergarten and it is not for the faint of heart that is for sure.
        It can even be brutal at times. I let that ride and keep on asking questions and adding my voice to the conversation.
        I persevere with it because I have read extensively on the positive effects of parental involvement with a child’s education.
        I also once read a heartfelt plea in a Blog from a Mother who works more than fulltime to Mothers who have the capability and the time to help out, to put in their time and creativity to
        contribute to the overall improvement of the school atmosphere.
        That Blog helped to set my mind towards contributing all that I can however needed and whenever I am able.
        For all the prosperity in this area, we have much unseen poverty here and it is getting worse.
        There is much unsong joy in helping a child pick the perfect book at Book Fair, or helping a young, single father settle in with his child at Donuts with A Special Person event as a PTO Volunteer
        I want to stand for the parents that can’t make it happen, for whatever reason.

        Your PTO neeeds people with your savvy of technology and creativity to find a meaningful way to contribute in some fashion. A good way to start is by openmindedly checking out the PTO.

        Thanks for you time and keep up the good work.

        • 12
          The Mommyologist says:

          I remember you Cecilia! I haven’t been to yoga in well over a year…or pretty much any other form of exercise for that matter. I really need to get moving again! I will stay open minded about the PTO…it is just all so far over my head! Hopefully in another couple years, everything will fall into place and I won’t feel like the “new mom” at school. LOL. Hope our paths cross again one of these days!

          Mary

  6. 13
    Corinne says:

    I got in shit from our bus driver too. Tim wanted to walk home alone every day, by himself, but I recently got a phone call, that this is not acceptable, he must be met at the bus stop every day. I was a little peeved, he is capable of walking home on his own, and who the hell is this bus driver to tell me how to parent.

  7. 15
    LB says:

    Girl, wait until next year. First grade homework is about to give me an aneurysm! I teach school all day so that last thing I want to do when I get home is homework. My poor kids…

  8. 17
    Sili says:

    Ah yes! The wonders of school! I hope it gets better, lady! Watch out for the cookie dough sale. The snickerdooles are to die for and you’ll end up eating all of them ;-) .

  9. 19

    Ha! We have first day of preschool today. I’m so nervous. Thanks for making me laugh!

  10. 20
    Mimzy Wimzy says:

    LOL. You just can’t make this shit up! hahahaha.

  11. 22
    Cam says:

    can’t wait to hear what he came up with for the letter “g” – gum, gatorade, glue??? HA! who knew kindergarten could be so stressful!

  12. 24
    Mags says:

    Teachers eat it up if you bring in a book that starts with whatever letter they are promoting that week.

  13. 26
    Shell says:

    It really does get so much harder, doesn’t it?

    I want preschool back, too.

    My kindergartener has show and tell tomorrow- only he isn’t allowed to bring a toy. He’s supposed to bring something special to him. Ooookay. He’s 5. Toys are special to him.

  14. 28

    You are cracking me up today!!! I saw pack the Gin. #FuckEm

  15. 30
    Nolie says:

    I say send the gin with a note for the teacher to keep it. Maybe that will get you on the A+ list with the teacher and possibly out of fundraising.

  16. 32
    Guerrina says:

    Yet another reason I stopped with one (and too “mature” now ). Oh my gosh, how you brought laughter into a rough patch for me! Thank you!

  17. 34

    Kindergarten is stressful but absolutely there is nothing worse than the bus and the bus stop…..there’s so much material there I’m considering changing the name of my blog to “I hate the bus stop”…….

  18. 36
    Liz says:

    OMG I am still laughing. I know exactly how you feel. I have tow kids in school. My daughter just turned 10 & my son will be 6 next week. My daughters teacher is going to take pics of them, he asked permission first, but I didn’t know it was tomorrow & my daughter throws the can you straighten my hair for tomorrow when she’s getting ready for bed. Oh regarding the fundraiser, donate what u can. Take care, don’t stress too much.

  19. 38
    AZLB says:

    so totally feel you on this….I think school is more stressful for parents till kids can do it all on their own. packing the gin would make for a great post though :)

  20. 40

    i wish i couldn’t relate so well. wait till it’s his birthday, my 3rd grader came home with a TWO PAGE typed letter with instructions on what we could (and couldn’t) do to “celebrate” – though the letter essentially removes all fun from the birthday anyway.

    oh and one more spoiler alert of fun times ahead… anything you volunteer for with the PTA. can’t wait to see that post :)

    • 41
      The Mommyologist says:

      We have that too…can’t bring in cupcakes or anything! And there is no way I’m doing the whole PTA thing!

  21. 42

    I swear school is so much harder on the parents then it is on the kids. I say write a check and be done with it. I’m not a fan of fundraisers either.

    And don’t have him bring the Gin! What will you have to drink while you wait for him to get home..with more paperwork?? LOL

  22. 44

    Send gin…be my hero!

  23. 46

    Kindergarten has to be the toughest grade for any parent to endure. We wave good bye to our carefree days of taking our child to playgroups and making up play dough projects. As our child enters kindergarten, we now reluctantly have to welcome their homework, help them learn and process information much more concisely, and give our ‘once upon a baby’ grown up responsibilities. You are doing a great job and the bag of gardening tools was a great idea!

  24. 48
    eimat says:

    Some ideas: actual item, toy or picture for G: gloves, green, giraffe, gold, gecko, gift, girl, gel, guppy, garage, gorilla, Greenland (map – also covers “geography”) glasses, gears…

    hope this helps

    I’ll try to think up more

  25. 49
    eimat says:

    giggles, grand parents, goose, gander, grouper, grinder, grilled cheese, grip, grapes, grin, gills

  26. 50
    eimat says:

    rats…. I just realized the original post was from yesterday – sorry…

  27. 52
    Sharon says:

    I love this, and it gets no easier sadly.

  28. 53

    I was JUST thinking this same thing! My son just started kindergarten too and every day has been an adventure, sheesh! Oh and dropping a deuce RIGHT before the bell rang at school, while I waiting (im) patiently outside the restroom, then he had to walk into the classroom on the second day of school while every one looked at him cuz he was late……. LOL. Poor little guy! It will certainly be an adventure to remember, huh?

  29. 54
    Glamamom says:

    I hope you sent the gin. Actually, I hope you kept the gin.

  30. 55
    Gail Viechnicki says:

    This made me laugh out loud. I had to send in something that started with an “o” yesterday for my kindergartner and he rejected the little “oso” and the little “oveja” I helped him find in the Little People bin (he’s in a Spanish immersion school). Eventually his big sister helped him decide to bring in his own “ojos” (eyes). They get candy if the bring in something, and apparently this non-item still earned him a Hershey’s kiss. Kindergarten is *rough* the first go round. Love your blog! I found you via Twitter and I’m glad I did! :)

    • 56
      The Mommyologist says:

      Thank you! I don’t think my son got any candy. He probably would’ve agreed to bring in anything if given that incentive!!

  31. 57
    Kir says:

    oh girlfriend, do I feel your pain. Just preschool at the daycare they have attended since they were like..born..is getting “hard”. I mean show and tell for 3 yr olds…c’mon!!!!! Trace their letters with them, Oh dear God kill me now, they are with you for 11 hours a day….can’t you do that with them???

    I am going to be a lousy “Kindergarten mom” ;) at least I’ll have company.

  32. 59
    Carrie says:

    Ditto on the fundraiser bullshit. I’m not selling sh*t!!!!!

  33. 60
    the mrs. says:

    Ha! I’m just seeing this post now and loving {and relating} to so much!

    My son did themed show n tell in kindergarten and when it was T we had quite a problem coming up with something. Sure, he could have taken in a truck or his stuffed turtle but wheres the fun in that? We suggested a war “souvenir” of my husband’s from Iraq, a poster of the 100 top Terrorist, or perhaps a copy of someTreaty , by the time we got to turtleneck my 5 year old told me to stop talking to him. No sense of humor.

Trackbacks

  1. [...] Where the hell is my owner’s manual again? May I reiterate that I’m just not cut out for this big kid shit? [...]

  2. [...] As soon as we walked in, we ran into one of his old preschool classmates from the past two years and his mom (who I totally miss talking to in the preschool parking lot…and don’t even get me started again on how much I miss preschool). [...]

  3. [...] Remember a couple of weeks ago when I freaked out over the fact that little dude brought home a fundraising packet? Well…I wound up just having both me and my mom order some stuff from the catalog and I wrote [...]

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