Ok…so I’m about a month into this whole Kindergarten thing…and I’m going to go ahead and give myself a grade of “F” as far as being a kindergarten parent goes.
“F,” of course, stands for FAIL. But in my case, “F’ also stands for “Fu&% me because I’m really not sure that I’m smart enough or organized enough for this fu&%ing shit.”
After little dude got off the bus last Friday, I opened his backpack expecting to find one or two papers in there, plus a list of snacks available for purchase for the following week.
Wanna know what I found instead?
A WHOLE ENTIRE SACK FULL OF DEAD TREES. Think I’m exaggerating?
Um...WTF?
Seriously…do you believe that shit?
And buried in this insane pile of dead trees was more evidence that I may quite possibly be America’s worst kindergarten mom.
Here are a few clues that indicate that I deserve that title:
1. The school newsletter was included in the papers, and the newsletter has a little section for each grade, which talks about what they are specifically learning, etc. Apparently the kindergartners are getting acquainted with the school and doing a refresher on reading and math and stuff like that. And apparently some of the OTHER kindergarten parents have brought in plenty of school supplies to donate to the class, because there was a thank you note included in the newsletter. And what have I contributed to the kindergarten classroom as far as supplies go?
That’s right…JACK SHIT.
FAIL.
2. Another thing that was stuffed in his bag among the papers? His first freakin’ homework assignment. For the month of October, they give us a list of activities where we have to have our kids pick three off the list each week, check off the box that they were completed, and then the back of the paper has a questionnaire that has to be filled out at the end of the month detailing what their favorite activity was, etc.
What are the odds of me actually remembering to assign activities to little dude on top of all of the other shit I have to try and remember to do on a daily basis?
SLIM TO NONE.
Why do I have this funny feeling that little dude and I will be pulling an all-nighter on Halloween as far as that damn activity list goes?
FAIL.
3. Remember a couple of weeks ago when I freaked out over the fact that little dude brought home a fundraising packet? Well…I wound up just having both me and my mom order some stuff from the catalog and I wrote the school a nice, decent sized check and figured that I had done my duty as a parent as far as fundraising packets go.
But then on Friday, little dude brought home ANOTHER fundraising packet, which was deemed the FALL FUNDRAISER.
Maybe I’m just the dumbest bitch in the state of Connecticut, but if this one is the FALL FUNDRAISER, then what the fu%& kind of fundraiser was the FIRST fundraising packet supposed to be?
And you know what’s even worse? Look at what’s included in the FALL fundraising packet:
They're trying to kill my Mom Sexy. I know it.
CAKES, COOKIES, PIES, and OTHER BAKED GOODS.
I just finished a 10-day detox where I lost 7 pounds and got back into my favorite pair of Seven jeans. And there is no way in hell I’m going to disrespect the fact that I managed to give up booze and sugar for 10 days for some damn school fundraiser that I thought I was already done with.
Sorry PTO…no check for you this time.
FAIL.
On that note, I think I’ll get my ass off the couch and go look for a nice tiara to wear for my new title of “America’s Worst Kindergarten Mom.”
It really has a nice ring to it, don’t you think?
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Hilarious… And I think you’ve offered me a glimpse into my life 2years from now.
So much to look forward to, right??
Haha, sounds like me. My daughter brought home a fundraising packet too and no one buys that crap, so instead I bought enough magazine subscriptions and various crap to put her in the lead of her class just so she’d get recognized for it.
Now there’s MORE crap that requires donations and stuff. Does your son go to a private parochial school? Mine does so there’s bound to be fundraisers galore all year long.
He is in public school! I got magazine subscriptions on the last one too.
Really?! Pfft then I wouldn’t feel bad about NOT giving haha. They at least get public funding! My daughter’s school is all privately funded, so we HAVE to do the fundraisers or else there just won’t be a school to send her to!
Get used to that week after week fundraiser crap. Our school is the exact same AND I think we may even be doing that exact same cookie/cake fundraiser that you are! Doesn’t any of the head honchos on the PTO think it’s a bit much!?
Apparently not!! I really don’t know how many more fundraisers I can handle.
At least my Kindergartener forgot all about the first fundraiser! Though not sire what may happen if they give out prizes and she doesn’t get one. Personally I’d rather write the school a check & get the tax write off and know the school gets ALL the money rather than a small portion.
Wait until you get homework you can’t do in 1st grade! As PTO Fundraiser Chair I feel your pain but with school budgets slashed it is an evil necessary. We have an Opt Out program which I prefer myself. On the paper stuff, I totally agree. I told our principal she could probably slash $15k from her budget if they cut down on paper sent home. The parents all got together with the PTO and really pushed using the school website more for homework assignments, news letters, etc. It worked and this year already I’ve noticed less paper sent home.
Um, I threw out the fundraising packet. Didn’t. Even. Try. I didn’t buy anything, I didn’t ask my family to buy anything. Just told my son to toss it in the trash.
My son’s kindergarten teacher sends home a homework folder every Monday, with a list of assignments to be done and then the folder returned on Friday morning. We sit and do all the assignments in one night so I don’t have to think about it every day.
They mentioned something about a newsletter once… I have never seen one. School’s been in session since August 22nd. So at least you READ the newsletter.
Chin up! You’re not the worst!
I am.
yup, i chucked the fundraiser packet without buying anything too. strength in numbers. lol
Aren’t fundraisers a bitch?! I only do certain ones because I’d go crazy (and broke) if I did them all. I think that’s why there seems to be a different one every week – not everybody does them all. Don’t make yourself feel guilty over them.
As for the homework, I wish I could help you out, but it’s crazy here, too. I think I need another calendar- one for my stuff and one for my kids’ homework.
I am not looking forward to when my kids have to do fundraisers. I suck at stuff like that. I also suck at taking crap out of my preschool son’s backpack. I’ve definitely found a mess a papers in there just like yours. Oh, and last week, I didn’t notice my son came home in his spare pants because he peed on them (school is trying to potty train him-at this point it is a lost cause-he is not at all ready) so I didn’t put a new spare pair in. Then when I picked him up the next day, he was in borrowed shorts that were so gigantic that they fell down 3 times on the way to the car so he just took them off. And when I finally checked his backpack, there were 2 pairs of pee-soaked pants in plastic bags, so his teacher obviously knows I don’t look through his backpack every day. And since I took a nap and forgot to pick him up last week, I’m pretty sure she thinks I’m flaky too.
OMG! Where have you been all my life?!? I’m a new step mom and I just love your thoughts and humor! Thanks for the great laughs!
I used to be a Kindergarden fail mommy….but now with my 2nd enrolled, am old hand. This is your chance to make all the mistakes. don’t worry, they may just give you a blank smile and nod when you pass by the super moms, but they will grant you an adjustment period….say to Christmas Break. So come 2012 semester……Game On!
And don’t, whatever you do, do NOT throw out all his little crafts. And there will be many. apparrently it is not just a tired cliche that they must reside on your fridge….like forever. My advice? buy a big tuperware bin or some kind of cool storage bin (my mom found my son a container that looked like a covered wagon – holds TONS of dead trees.) and put all that colorful dead brush in there. Next year….when the new arrives, you can clean out some of the old and they won’t know. hopefully.
The fund raising is mad crazy. I hated those calendar homework sheet. We always did it the weekend before it was due. good luck. You are not alone.
Goodness! I was unaware of the fact that because your kids are in school YOU now have homework again too! Haven’t you paid your dues? I get that you need to keep track of it, you’re the mom, but he’s in KINDERGARTEN! Not junior high! This makes me nervous for my future, my little dude is moving to pre-school this month, I have a feeling I will be getting an early dose of my own load of “homework”. It took me this long to get all the things he needs for day care, now we are moving to structure? Good for him. Bad for mommy.
I think this means I will need to increase my wine supply.
I have been such a failure as a parent of 2 elementary school kids. I have forgot picture days and fundraiser pick ups and just about everything you could possibly imagine. It takes a lot of alcohol and a nice dry erase board calendar. It is also absolutely ridiculous the amount of paper that is wasted. And don’t even get me started about the homework.
my kindergartner brings home a homework folder every Monday for us to turn in…and my kindergartner last year had homework every night too…
and didn’t you know? Kindergarten is the new 6th grade….
So you are saying that I should keep Sadie in Pre-K forever?
Congrats on the 7 lbs!! You go girl!
Now, for the love of all things holy, go have some wine or vodka.
As for the fundraiser there is ALWAYS a fundraiser. Next will be there “Winter Festival” (since Christmas is banned in schools) festival. It is never ending and we all get to feel like shit or at least are supposed to feel like shit when we chuck the fundraising papers in the garbage. Between gymnastics and preschool I threw out many fundraising forms last year.
I hear you on the homework. we get a newsletter here with the letter of the week, words of the week and story of the week. Please work on these at home with your child. My $0.02 these people are paid with my damn tax dollars to teach my kid this shit. You do your job and I will do mine which is everything else besides teaching him this shit. But thanks for coming out.
First, that whole “pick three and report back” thing sound more like homework for YOU than for the kid. What a monumental pain in the@ss!
As for the fundraisers, if you’ve got worst mom for kindergarten, then I have worst mom of first grade on lock down.
We live in an affluent town and pay a LOT of taxes. I write a check every now and then for some stuff. (Like the coupon book they SEND HOME and want you to send back if you’re not keeping it. Like anyone would have the nerve to send it back and openly admit they’re the worst mom. )
But like you, just today we got a fundraiser catalog with wrapping paper, cookies and sh*t. I sent that stuff straight to the “circular file”. I already have a full time job. I don’t need to get into sales.
HAAAAAAAAAA! Don’t worry, you’re not alone. I’ve read so many posts about all this shit. What is up with these fundraisers? Don’t cave girl, I’m so proud of you and your detox.
man you totally write what is in my head but I can’t put down on my blog myself!!!
I used to groan every time one of those fundraisers would come home. It was so hard to find anything even remotely inexpensive that was worth having.
Oh, I’m right there with you- I hate homework and suck at making my boys get it done. It’s really just busy work for ME. I have enough busy work, thankyouverymuch.
Thank God someone is saying this shit out loud though…this has gotten way out of control…homework in kindergarten? WTF??? Fund raisers? For WHAT?? Isn’t that why you pay taxes? Ugh…I’m going to suck as a kindergarten mother too…and that makes me laugh.
I agree!! I don’t remember stuff being this intense when I was a kid!
Don’t feel bad. I’m a damn teacher and still don’t get the whole “homework” thing! Seriously. Why are they doing homework in kindergarten? They have the rest of their lives to feel like failures. As for the fundraisers, they are un-freakin’-believable! I just stuff them back in the backpack and back to school. I’m not buying any of that crap!
Wear that title girl. I think we can start a whole movement. The worst part of school to me is the dang fund raisers. I hated them when I was a kid and I still hate them.
When I used to teach first grade, I would always wonder how parents decided which things to keep and which things to “recycle.” You’ll always have that one parent that keeps EVERYTHING, but that’s clearly not the norm. Perhaps suggest fundraisers to your school that don’t eventually end up adding on the calories. Try a book fundraiser!
Well I do not think you are the world’s worst Kindergarten mom. I, ummmm, am not doing so hot either, and the real kicker is this is my second kid to be doing the kindergarten thing. My kids are doing a fundraiser but its just donations. I still have the packet sitting in my room, empty. Grrrr, I keep forgetting. I don’t know HOW I am supposed to remember all my school stuff, home stuff, kindergartener’s things and my oldest son’s school stuff. I am pretty screwed when the littlest one starts school too.
LOL! Maybe we can tie for the title?