Well kids…I did something this week that was seriously like WAY WAY overdue. I should have done it a long time ago, but I kept making excuse after excuse.
And now…the excuses have finally ceased. Because I have NO MORE EXCUSES.
After successfully detoxing my body of booze, sugar, wheat, dairy, and other toxic ingredients, I dropped seven pounds (now eight and a half), and I felt the need to pry my fingers away from my laptop and get my lazy ass back to the gym.
So…on Monday night…I went to Zumba for the first time in like eight months or so.
It wasn’t pretty…and it definitely put things into perspective as far as just how OUT OF SHAPE I am right now…but somehow I managed to make it through the whole class without puking, and with a few good ass-shakes thrown into the mix.
Confession time.
I may not have hurled during class…but I did kind of piss my pants a little bit.
(Keep in mind that I’m on a total health kick right now and I’m sucking water like a fu%&ing camel).
I was fine for most of the class…and then the instructor started doing these jumps where we had to kind of shuffle our feet back and forth one in front of the other.
And yes, I know that’s kind of a shitty explanation and doesn’t really give a good visual, but it’s late, and I’m sitting here in pajama pants and a tank top and I’m not wearing a bra because I don’t have to wear a bra to be Mom Sexy in my own house, so I’m pretty confident that you don’t want to sit through a vlog of me jumping up and down and back and forth with my A-cup girls bouncing around like a couple of tiny bean bags.
Well, that…and I’m sure you don’t want to see me piss my pants on camera.
Anyhoo…when I walked out of that Zumba class on Monday night…people probably just assumed that I’d gotten an incredible workout because I was so sweaty all over.
But the sweat on the front of my pants was definitely not crotch sweat (and how effin’ gross is crotch sweat??).
Because I totally pissed myself. But only a little bit. It’s not like I had it running down my leg or anything like that. It was more like a few drips.
Does letting a few drips slip count as pissing your pants?
Whatever.
I’m still Mom Sexy, dammit.
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I almost peed my pants reading this. Also, after having three larger than average babies, I can no longer jump. Unless I want to pee my pants. Should that need ever arise, I will jump up and down twice and the job will be done.
I only had one baby and can’t jump! It’s terrible!
Laughing so damn hard right now!
If I were there and you had told me right then and there I am sure I would have peed my pants for real.
And you know that I SO would have told you in the middle of class if you were there. LOL!
You kill me. I piss myself often in Body Combat class…it’s all those damn jump kicks!!
I’d need Depends for Body Combat…
Then don’t ever, and I mean ever….get on a trampoline with your child. trust. it will be traumatic. a bit for them, but mostly for you. don’t thank me….us pissypants gotta stick together
zumba class…you know we fight over who gets to the bathroom first before zumba class!
Gen
Try Turbo Kick… and teaching it!!! I do sweat a lot but yep… it is tough be a mama and being so sexy sometimes
Glad you are back to your workouts!
This whole post was so we would join you right? You’ve got us all pissing our pants. You are too funny! Now you ladies have me scared for having a second baby… My first was C-section and I still have some leaks when I laugh too hard!
Well, in order to be “mom sexy” you have to be a mom. And if you’re a mom you likely went through child birth. And if you went through child birth you likely accidentally pee your pants when you laugh or do crazy Zumba moves. Conclusion? Yes, peeing your pants is mom sexy
Oh my god–I so peed my pants at Zumba last week. Ive had two very LARGE babies {9 pounders} and I pee almost every time my Zumba class requires me to do a jump. Its not a huge pee, but a couple of drips. I so feel you.
Jumping is overrated. We can be all kinds of mom-sexy on the ground.
Well said! I totally agree!
I literally busted out laughing reading this! Umm, it has never happened to me, but if it does I’ll make sure to let you know ur not alone mama!
CHEERS!
Thanks so much! I still cannot believe that jumping makes me pee. When did THAT happen?
This is SO true. As a Zumba instructor, I can totally vouch that you are NOT alone. I can’t tell you the number of times women (myself included!) joke about this after a good class! LOL!
So happy to hear that it’s not just me!!
I can do you one better. As a mom of 3 boys I am constantly on the go, now that I also drive my mom everywhere it can get interesting finding a bathroom. We were headed home, where I had stopped before leaving town to make the 17 mile drive. 17 miles!! 5 miles from the house it hit me. I had to pee NOW. Usually shifting my position could take the pressure and urgency down, not this time. By the time I hit the bottom of our driveway I was literally crying and I still had to pull the hill to the house. The bumpy, rutty, gravel/dirt driveway. I pulled it as fast as possible and allowed everyone else to get out. Handing my oldest the house key so I would have a clear path through the house. I eased out of the vehicle, so far so good one foot down, tighten muscles move slowly. Each shift was a recipe for dangerous failure, and in front of my children, who of course came back out to see if I made it. I didn’t. The moment I was fully outside the van and standing my muscles said screw you. I felt the first trickle and slammed my knees together and stooped hoping it would be enough to hold it back. It wasn’t I did this knock kneed, wide foot stance walk across the yard peeing down both legs the whole way. I literally peed all over myself and finally realized that I would pee on my floor if I didn’t just stop moving. The boys were just speechless then informed Memaw I would need some of her big pads.. since apparently I had no control anymore.
LOL!!! Bumpy roads get me every time too.
Which is why I always, always, always go potty before I go the gym. My office has a gym and I have brittle reputation to uphold…
I go to the bathroom before too…and then I still piss myself. It’s hopeless!
Doesn’t count- you’re still Mom Sexy!
When I went back to zumba yesterday, I only knew like two of the songs b/c they’d learnedd so many new ones in the past two months since I’d been there last. So, I was back to being the dorking uncoordinated girl who had not a clue what she was doing.
But, it was still a good workout!
Thanks girl! Proud of you for going back to Zumba. It really makes such a difference stress/confidence-wise!
Oh my god I just laughed out loud in a totally quiet work room. Oops! You are hilarious! Yes, crotch sweat is disgusting! No, I don’t think a few drips slippage constitutes a full-on pants pissing. And hell yeah, you’re still Mom Sexy!
p.s. you know we would totally dig a jumping vlog. and i’d be right there with you rockin the A-cup bean bags. again – laughing out loud!
Hmm…I may just have to rethink the whole jumping vlog thing. At least it would give people a good laugh, right?
Crotch sweat isn’t cute but it happens! I guess if you were going to pee your pants better it was somewhere you are expected to be soaking wet all over haha
Very true!! I like your perspective!
So jealous that you’re getting a good work out.
My zumba is so lame, I don’t even get upper lip sweat.
(and that would be my mouth, I’m speaking of..)
That sucks!!! It definitely varies from instructor to instructor. If I’m going to make the time to go, I want to sweat!
Bwahaha! I may or not slightly piss myself on a regular occasion. We are still mom sexy even with pee pee pants.
Absolutely!!!
I just jumped once to test my own out-of-shape-lazy self. I’m not sure if the piss drops are from the jump or from reading the post but I’ve definitely joined your club, Mary! I’m absolutely Mom Sexy right now.
LOVE it!!! I cringe every time the jumps pop up in class. Drip..drip…drip!
It most certainly DOES NOT count as pissing your pants! If it did, a lot more of us would be running out to get some Poise pads!
I love it! Scared of working out and not just for fear of pissing myself. Not sure if my body would actually make it through a rough workout! lol
oxoxox
Very true! I’m still not convinced that I won’t need Poise Pads someday. I’ll make them Mom Sexy somehow though.
That’s pretty funny, especially because I had Zumba last night so reading this today gave a bit of a visual. lol. Still mom sexy in my book.
Thanks!! I think the peeing my pants just ups my charm a bit.
I have to wear a pantiliner to Zumba. Seriously. Sometimes I piss and don’t even realize it. The aging process is not kind.
Now I kinda want to see you do those jump things.
I haven’t pissed myself in a class, but I have definitely queefed (sp?) and I had to leave my balls and weights class on Monday to take a crap…lovely. Even lovlier when the girl next to me asked what happened…ummm…awkward.
Omg! ROFL. Laughing is the trigger for me. Excuse me while I go change my pants, I just spilled some water on them
So glad to hear that I am not the only one in this world who CANNOT jump around after having one child. And I thought it was just me!!!
This post was hilarious. We’ve all been there. I love Zumba. Since having my baby I’ve gotten used to wearing a pantyliner because you never know when your faucet is going to leak-lol!
Loved it
Maybe I should think about wearing one of those. I certainly needed it last night!