How to Deal With Insane, Hateful, & Batshit Crazy Blog Commenters

The other day I had the pleasure of chatting via email with a good bloggy friend who I don’t chat with nearly enough these days (she knows who she is), and we got into a discussion about blog commenters who leave messages on posts that are either certifiably insane, over-the-top crazy, or so freakin’ nasty that you almost have to do a double take to make sure you’re actually reading what you think you’re reading.

Don’t get me wrong, I’ve received some pretty amazing, uplifting, and inspirational comments since I started blogging back in October of 2009, but let me just say that I’ve had more than my fair share of the negative shit too. I’ve been called a bitch more times than I can count, and I’ve even seen the dreaded “C” word thrown around once or twice. I’ve also been told I’m about as intelligent as a 13-year old, completely and hopelessly ignorant, and my own, personal favorite — someone once told me that my son is going to be a serial killer when he grows up for having such a bitch for a mother. (True story.)

Sadly, those negative-Nellies aren’t going anywhere anytime soon. Haters LOVE to hate — and the only thing they hate more than whatever it is they happen to be disagreeing with is not having a platform to voice their opinion and be heard.

And THAT my friends is exactly why not every comment we receive is sweet, encouraging, and rosy. Blogs offer people a place to be heard where they can throw out insults, derogatory remarks, and messages of pure hate and evil simply BECAUSE THEY CAN DO IT WITHOUT HAVING TO REVEAL THEIR IDENTITY. (Translation: They’d never have the balls to say that shit to your face.)

But I’m one step ahead of these freaks, because I grew a really thick skin a long ass time ago. However, I wasn’t always tough, and when I first began my blogging journey, mean-spirited commenters almost broke me a time or two. On that note, I thought it might be helpful to put out a list of advice & tips on how to deal with negative commenters if you aren’t quite to the point where you can laugh off what they said and move on.

1. Silence is GOLDEN – If someone leaves you a horrible comment, the absolute WORST thing you can do is acknowledge it, or heaven forbid actually REPLY to it. Haters WANT a reaction from you — that’s their main goal — to get under your skin and make you question your words. Trust me — the best way to defend yourself is to ignore them completely. That’ll hurt them way worse than anything you might have to say.

2. Turn on comment moderation – Ok, so I know comment moderation can be kind of annoying when you’re the commenter, but remember that your blog is YOUR blog. It’s YOUR own personal space, and you have the right to decide what does and does not get published in your comment field. If you are noticing a trend of more and more negative comments coming in, it might be time to do a little damage control by turning it on. (Why do you think mine’s been on for like 2 years?!)

3. Change your way of thinking – And by this, I mean instead of taking a negative comment personally, view it as a total win for that particular post. Even though someone is disagreeing with you — you still struck a chord with them and got them thinking. Isn’t that why we blog in the first place?

4. Accept & Realize what blogging means – You are putting your thoughts, opinions, and personal emotions out there for the world to see every single time you hit publish, so you’re kind of setting yourself up for people to challenge you on occasion. No matter how much you believe in what you are saying, someone is going to disagree with you, and that’s OK. Not everyone in cyber-space is going to like you or want to be your friend — and that’s OK too. Focus on the people & commenters who do lift your spirit and boost your confidence instead of the ones who are shamelessly trying to tear it down.

5. Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on — (Yes, I stole that line from one of my favorite Jimmy Buffett songs.) It’s kind of been my mantra over the past couple years, and believe me — repeating that statement in my mind has gotten me through more than one major life challenge. It’s only natural to be hurt by someone who makes hateful remarks towards you — but don’t let it get you so upset that you dwell on it for too terribly long. The next time someone offends you — just repeat “Breathe in, Breathe out, Move on” in your head. I promise you’ll feel better.

And if all else fails, just send anyone who’s hating on you my way and tell them to pick on me instead. I’m totally used to it, and I’ll gladly kick their ass for you.

What is the worst comment you’ve ever received?

Comments

  1. 1
    Angel says:

    Ahh but see I love comments like that. I do respond, in an intelligent fashion. Most of my ‘hate’ mail comes from ‘Christians’ who disagree with my Christian way. The bible thumpers as a rule. The ones who can pick and choose a verse and totally ignore the 37 before it that explained the basis for that one. Yeah they don’t usually come back again. But for someone who is new it can be disheartening and painful. Consider the source and move on..

  2. 2
    Joanna says:

    Best WORST comment was that I am stupid and not a feminist because I dared to critique what I consider to be an anti-woman feminist (someone who bashes women’s choices because they are not what she thinks women should do as “feminists”) – I believe feminism is empowering women to make their own choices whatever that may be – whether stay at home, work, or both.

    But otherwise, it’s all been good!

  3. 3

    This is truly good advice. And exactly what The Mom Pledge advocates. We can’t control what others do and say. We can only control what we do and say. And we do NOT have to put up with hate on our own online spaces. We’d never do so in person, why should we online? Hear, hear on this!

    • 4
      The Mommyologist says:

      It’s just so amazing how far some people will go. I even had people try and start a petition to get me fired from my job because they disagreed with things I’d said. Totally nuts!! What you are doing with The Mom Pledge is so important…keep it up!!

  4. 5

    I’ve gotten a few ugly comments and I never responded, I learned in middle school that the people like that want the attention/blog hits/right/whatever they need and I’m not going to be the one to give it to them. I use this is daily life as well (lots of crazy former friends/family) and it can drive my husband crazy because he thinks people need ot know how much of a dick they are being but I know they just get off on pissing me off.

    Great list!

    • 6
      The Mommyologist says:

      It’s so true…people love knowing they got a rise out of you. I think of the haters as a good thing…at least someone is paying attention, right?

  5. 7
    Sili says:

    I actually took down a post where I talked about being single and a mom and wanting to have children and all that. I made a sarcastic “sperm” comment and thus the comments began that all I wanted was a sperm donor. I was like whoa!

    My intent was never to just focus on that. It was more around dating and where I’d find men and the fact that I do think about having another baby and how all that is going to work. I felt like the more people read it the more they were misreading the post.

    • 8
      The Mommyologist says:

      There’s always someone who finds fault in what you are saying or takes it the wrong way. Happens to me ALL the time!

  6. 9
    Bree says:

    Love this! My first post got a ton of negative commentary and it was on healthy snacks. I thought what loonie bins are up in arms over snacks?! I wish I had these tips back then :) BTW–Good luck on Ricki Lake. How cool is that?!

    • 10
      The Mommyologist says:

      It’s amazing what gets people fired up!!

    • 11
      The Mommyologist says:

      And ps – not sure what you mean about Ricki Lake? One of their producers mentioned me in a post…but I’m not going on the show. I wish!

  7. 12
    Alexandra says:

    I hd to turn on comment moderation this week after some comments left called me a “nazi blog.”

  8. 14
    Alexandra says:

    Also: Bree’s comment cracks me up.

  9. 15
    Shell says:

    Oh, I’ve gotten some crazy stuff. Though I did get more when I was blogging for Babble than for my own personal blog, thank goodness. that seemed easier to shake off, though because it didn’t feel as personal.

    So far, I’ve stuck to just being quiet about it. Deleting and moving on. But sometimes, I WANT to rant and rave about the crazies.

    • 16
      The Mommyologist says:

      Sadly, they’ve followed me over here too…but at least there’s comment moderation, right? It’s seriously amazing just how nuts people can be though. One guy even felt the need to pick apart my appearance in my photos up top because he was mad that I called Britney Spears a hot mess. LOL.

  10. 17
    Missy Olive says:

    My blog was recently attacked by a group of people. Clearly, they sit around all day and search for blog posts to attack because they all descended on my blog within an hour. That, my friend, is when I learned to turn on moderation. I absolutely hate using it but I am not going to sit by and allow crazy people to use my blog as their platform!

    thanks for sharing this!

  11. 18

    Thankfully no negative comments on mine yet but then again, I am still building my online presence. I’m REALLY glad I read this though because it will prepare me for the time that it does happen. Good on you for having a thick skin, I get crazy defensive sometimes I need to take a leaf out of your book :)

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