Ten tips to avoid totally sucking at Twitter:
1. For the love of God…DON’T BE AN EGG. If you don’t know how to upload a freakin’ photo, then you probably have no business being on Twitter anyway. For the record, I don’t follow EGGS.
2. On Twitter, engagement is great…but over-engagement can actually get a little bit creepy. I want to be your friend too, but if you answer/comment on EVERY SINGLE ONE OF MY TWEETS, you really start to look like a stalker. And yes, that is why I ignore your tweets now.
3. Question: Why the hell are you even on Twitter if you don’t plan to tweet? If I look at your profile and you follow like a zillion people, yet you haven’t ever posted one damn tweet, I’m going to assume you’re a spammer and block your ass. Twitter is a CONVERSATION…not an EAVESDROPPING SESSION.
4. DON’T GO ALL POSTAL ON MY ASS when you see me post a link to an article about some celebrity who you are all kinds of obsessed with. Read the damn post before you jump to conclusions about my trying to destroy mothers’ self esteem by posting an article about some celeb mom’s post-baby fitness tips. You know that whole “don’t assume because it makes an Ass-Out-Of-U-And-Me” thing? Yeah, it applies to Twitter too.
5. If you want me to follow you back and engage with you on Twitter, then talk to me and engage with me on Twitter. DUH! DON’T SEND ME A TWEET THAT SAYS, “Can you please follow me?” It makes you sound pretty damn desperate and uninteresting.
6. I understand that we all have our bad days, but for Pete’s sake, DON’T USE TWITTER AS YOUR PERSONAL PLATFORM FOR COMPLAINING ABOUT YOUR LIFE. (Isn’t that what Facebook is for)? Complaining and whining gets pretty annoying after a while. You know how perturbed you feel when your kids bitch and moan about stupid shit to you? That’s how everyone on Twitter feels when you do the same.