You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you throw your son’s underwear that he’s just pooped in a little bit because he ate too many grapes the day before and couldn’t quite make it to the potty in time right in with your personal load of laundry without thinking twice about the fact that there is now poop swirling around the washing machine with your Hanky Panky thongs.
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you actually get excited about going for an eyebrow wax because even though tiny little hairs are being ripped out of your face, you know that you are at least getting five minutes to yourself without someone pulling on your leg and demanding something.
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you get into your car by yourself on one of those rare occasions when you do actually get to go for that eyebrow wax or any other act of much needed self indulgence and you get about 10 miles down the road before you realize that: a.) The Imagination Movers CD is still playing instead of the radio, and b.) You are actually singing along with the CD…and you actually like it, and after the realization that you are alone in your car and can turn off the CD and change to whatever radio station you usually listen to when you are kid-free, you instead choose to keep listening to the Imagination Movers.
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you stick your face down low for a close up of the diaper or potty filled with your child’s excrement in order to fully inspect each and every inch of the poop to make sure its color and texture are indeed in line with what is considered normal and appropriate according to the Child Wellness section of WebMd.
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you consider 7:00am sleeping in, 8:00am oversleeping, and 10:00am as the halfway mark till the end of your day, and by 3:00pm you are already getting dinner on the stove and thinking seriously about putting on your pj’s and putting tinfoil on your windows so that you can crawl into bed before dark.
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you are sitting on your couch trying to get through the dead of winter with a 10 month old and in a moment of true desperation, you have turned on an episode of The Wiggles and just for shits and giggles you sit there and think about which Wiggle you would “do” if someone put a gun to your head and told you it was a life or death situation. (Just go ahead and admit that you’ve had the thought once or twice too).
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you start to do things that your own mother did that you always swore you would never subject your own kid to but now find yourself doing without even thinking about it. A couple examples include spit-shining your child to get ketchup off his face, spitting in your hand a little and rubbing his head in an effort to slick down the hairs that are sticking straight up, and let’s not forget throwing your right arm across the passenger seat of the car when you hit the brakes too hard…and knowing full well that even though your child is strapped safely into his car seat in the back seat, your purse is on that passenger seat and you feel a real need to protect its contents.
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you wake up in the morning and check your Facebook page and are completely appalled because a friend of yours who has not yet ventured onto the journey of motherhood has updated her status to express to the world that she is “So Freakin’ Bored.” You immediately start having heart palpitations and furiously comment on her status something that goes a little like this: “Bored? What the fu*% is bored? I only WISH that I had the time to be bored! What the hell is wrong with you? Enjoy the boredom while you have it honey and find something a little more credible to complain about!” You then realize that the poor chick has no clue about how many mommies she just pissed off and would probably be mortified if she knew that she’d upset them, so you delete the comment, proceed to the next friend in your status update feed and give her a big thumbs up on her status, which says something like, “Woo-hoo! It’s Friday!” (Borrrinnnng)!
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you start preferring an issue of Family Circle or Good Housekeeping to an issue of US Weekly or Star. This particular transition didn’t happen right away for me…in fact it is fairly new, but I have to admit that it’s made me feel like even more of a Mom. I used to get excited about who Jessica Simpson was hooking up with and who was calling her fat and which celebrity daddy was caught cheating with the nanny in any given week. Now I get practically giddy when the Family Circle or Good Housekeeping (I subscribe to both) arrive at my door because I know that they are filled with great tips on how to remove red wine stains, and with easy mom-friendly weeknight recipes with no more than 10 ingredients or 5 preparation steps a piece. I mean, I absolutely love Cooking Light just as much as the next girl, but who in the hell has the time or the cash for that matter to put together a chili recipe with 37 ingredients? Give me a pound of ground beef, a couple cans of beans, and a can of stewed tomatoes and voila! A gourmet meal for two. (I understand now if any of my friends turn down my dinner invitations).
You know you’re a Mommy when…
…you can’t get away fast enough with your hubby for a much needed island vacation without your child…just the two of you, because secretly each and every day as much as you love your baby you dream of sitting on a beach, sipping a pina colada, heading back to your hotel room around 4:00pm for a nice afternoon nap, then getting all gussied up each night to enjoy an elegant meal sitting on a deck overlooking the ocean with the breeze blowing through your hair and cooling off your bronzed skin. You dream of falling in love with your husband all over again while sipping wine at that dinner and then, ahem, retiring to your hotel room for dessert. Then you sleep in as late as you want the next day and do it all over again. This is great for about the first two days of your vacation, but by day three all you and the hubster seem to have to talk about is the kid back home and how much you miss him and you start shopping frantically through all the shops on the island for the perfect little souvenirs to take home. By day seven you are both so ecstatic about getting home that you arrive at the airport three hours early, and when you finally board the plane you completely ignore the looks of pure confusion you are getting from the other homebound passengers on the plane because you and your hubby are the only people on that flight from Bermuda to Boston who are actually high-fiving each other as the plane pulls away from the gate. Yep…you definitely know you’re a mommy when you love to get away from your kid, but as soon as you do, all you can think about is getting back home and kissing his sweet little face as soon as possible.
The Mommyologist’s Last Word: “Anyone else have any “You know you’re a Mommy” clues you’d like to share? When did you know that you’d fully made the transition?”
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