January 27, 2012

Mom Sexy Fridays: Peeing In a Cup Just Ain’t Mom Sexy

As hard as I try to be as Mom Sexy as possible during any given day of my 34-year old life, I’m finally accepting the fact that there are some instances that just really aren’t conducive to being a MILF.

Examples of such instances include hangovers, bouts of food poisoning that were most likely obtained from eating shitty salmon skewers at a hotel lounge (blech!), and of course, the highly anticipated trip us gals make to the OBGYN each year.

Face it ladies…peeing in a cup just ain’t Mom Sexy.

I had the pleasure of going in for my “well-woman” exam earlier this week, and I couldn’t help but feel like I lost my sexy somewhere between stepping on the damn doctor’s scale (which is ALWAYS 5-pounds heavier than my bathroom scale), and nodding my head at the nurse after she asked me to provide a urine sample, write my name on the cup with a marker, and then put it into that little secret door in the wall. (Who the hell is hiding on the other end of that door anyway)?

Here’s a brief play-by-play of what went down after the nurse shut the door to the bathroom and said she’d wait outside for me to finish:

For a good thirty seconds, I tried unsuccessfully to lay toilet paper down on the toilet seat so that I could sit down and piss into that plastic cup without worrying about whose nasty potentially STD filled ass was sitting there before me. (Other people’s butt cheeks totally freak me out).

I finally got it laid on the seat decent enough for my liking, so I sat down. And then I remembered that I hadn’t yet written my initials on the cup with the marker, and figured it was better to write it on there before peeing instead of after in case I accidentally spilled the cup.

So I got back up, at which point the toilet paper slid into the bowl, so I had to recover the seat again once I was done with the permanent red pen.

After almost 20-years of pissing in cups, I have acquired pretty good aim. Of course, nobody’s perfect, so I wound up getting a little bit of pee dripping down the side of the cup. I wiped the excess pee off with a tissue, then set the cup on the floor so that I could finish up, and then I started wondering if anyone had ever accidentally kicked the cup over while pulling their pants up and then I pondered what in the hell I would tell the nurse if I did, in fact, kick the cup over. How would I explain that without looking like a complete and total dumb ass?

Luckily, I managed to avoid kicking over the cup, and I safely secured it behind the secret little metal door, at which point I washed my hands, opened the door, and followed the nurse down the hall to the examination room where I proceeded to strip down completely, put on one of those highly attractive robes that open in the FRONT, drape an itchy white sheet over my legs, and wait for a person I see once a year to come into the room to feel my boobs and stick a cold metal object into my cha-cha.

Yeah. There’s just nothing remotely Mom Sexy about annual OBGYN visits.

 

 

 

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Posted Under: Mom Sexy
January 20, 2012

Mom Sexy Fridays: Get Your Mom Sexy On!

Please welcome my Mom Sexy Fridays guest poster for this week…my good bloggy friend Kimberly Riggins! Kimberly and I connected a while back because we share a similar mission…to encourage and inspire women to love and accept themselves for who they are.

 

Kimberly Riggins

 

Kimberly Riggins is a body image expert, negative self-talk warrior and an transformational catalyst who inspires women to let go of their body hang-ups, kick their inner critical bitch to the curb and release their inner vixen. She is the founder and creator of The Art of Eating Chocolate Naked, a movement that challenges women all across the world to accept and love themselves just as they are. She is also the author of the recently published book, Love Your Naked Ass. To learn more about Kimberly and her programs, go to http://kimberlyriggins.com.

Also make sure to  follow Kimberly on Facebook and Twitter (she posts super encouraging stuff there too)!

 

Get Your Mom Sexy On!

 

What is Mom Sexy?

For me, being “Mom Sexy” means…

  • To be comfortable in my own skin.
  • To honor, respect and take care of my body.
  • To celebrate my gifts and all that I have to offer the world.
  • To do my very best and to not obsess about being perfect.
  • To be vulnerable and push myself to my limits.
  • Being kind and loving toward my fellow female friends (no comparing).

I know this may surprise many of you. For a lot of women I talk to and work with, being sexy is a “look” but for me it is truly a “feeling.” And anyone can achieve it.

Look, I get it! Being pregnant for most women is NOT Mom Sexy.

You walk around for 9 months carrying what feels like a 6-9 pound watermelon and then after you deliver this little bundle of joy, you walk around for a day or two with an ice-packed diaper on. And if that wasn’t bad enough, let’s not forget about those beautiful mesh panties.

Totally not Mom Sexy!

To top it off, if you are breastfeeding, although it’s a great way to bond with your child, your breasts no longer belong to you. And if you were like me, my tits were screaming in pain for the first few weeks wondering what the hell they did wrong to deserve this kind of masochistic pain. Thank God that subsided because I breastfed for 11 months.

And while I am on a roll, let’s just put it out there.

Our bodies CHANGE after giving birth. And trying to get our body back to some semblance of normalcy is not as easy as some women make it seem.

Although it wasn’t the most Mom Sexy time of my life, I wouldn’t have traded it for the world because whatever leftover body image hang-ups I had, they were absolutely gone after giving birth. (If you want to read my very personal story, you can find it here).

What???

I am serious! I honestly felt like superwoman. I was in complete awe that my body could be so magnificent that it could create and house another human being.

From that point on, I vowed that I would give my body the respect and love that it deserved. No questions asked!

And guess what happened?

By simply changing this mindset, I actually felt Mom Sexy!!!

But that’s not the only thing I did.

Here are 5 more ways I keep my Mom Sexy quotient high. (As it turns out, these are same suggestions that I give to my personal clients’ to help them release their body image hang-ups).

Get Naked.

Yes, I said get naked. I believe that in order to be truly comfortable in your own skin, you need to get comfortable being in your birthday suit. If you can’t embrace yourself naked, it is really hard to love your body and to truly feel Mom Sexy!

So take off your clothes ladies.

Walk around the house nude. Get cozy with the air hitting your skin. Watch your favorite sitcom naked. Fold laundry naked, eat dinner naked. Hell, cook dinner naked. That would be a nice treat for your husband, don’t you think?

Of course, you have to do this when the kiddies are in bed or when they are visiting Grandma’s house, otherwise, you’ll end up getting 50 questions that you’re not ready to answer.

Move Your Booty.

Yes, I am talking about shakin’ your ass. Get your booty into motion.

Turn on some music and dance, go for a run, grab a jump rope, take a yoga or Pilates class. Jump in a Zumba class, try Budokon, or maybe take some pole dancing lessons.

The point here is to do something active and to get your sweat on!

Daily Om.

I am not suggesting you have to do yoga every morning, unless it’s meditative yoga. What I am talking about here is sitting quietly for 5-10 minutes each morning, taking some deep belly breaths and setting an intention for your day.

You really do have power to decide how you show up in the world each and every day.

Give Yourself Some Verbal Love.

Every morning upon waking up, I go to the mirror and tell myself what’s up.

Usually it goes something like, “Hey there Kimberly, I love you. You are special, unique and beautiful. Don’t let anyone tell you any different.” Okay, that might sound cheesy to you but it works.

So create your own version of appreciating yourself and give yourself some verbal love. Because here’s the reality, if you can’t say those things to yourself, it will be irrelevant if someone else says them to you because you will have a hard time believing them.

Go on a ME Date.

This is my all-time favorite way to feel Mom Sexy.

Take yourself out on a date. Shower yourself with love and fun. Go to that 5 star restaurant for lunch, treat yourself to that iced latte at the bookstore as you page through your favorite magazine, get a massage, manicure/pedicure, take dance lessons, go to that movie you have been dying to see…the idea is to have fun and do something you love by yourself.

If you can learn to fall in love with your own company, when you are with someone else, you are that much more FUN!

So what do you do to fill your Mom Sexy quotient? I would love to hear your suggestions and ideas. Leave a comment below so we can all learn fun new ways to feel Mom Sexy.

 

*As an added bonus, Kimberly is going to give away a signed copy of her book to help put one of you on the path to “loving your naked ass!” I will randomly choose a winner from the comments on this post, and will notify the winner next Friday, January 27th!

 

I’d love for you to be a part of my Mom Sexy Fridays guest post series going forward this year. If you’d like to participate and share whatever it is that makes you feel Mom Sexy, or how you got your Mom Sexy back, please email me at themommyologist(at)gmail(dot)com. I’d love to hear your story and share it with other women who want to get their sexy back!

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Posted Under: Mom Sexy
January 13, 2012

Mom Sexy Fridays: Damn It…I’m Mom Sexy!

Please welcome Lindsey from “Pop Culture and Caffeine” as my Mom Sexy Fridays guest blogger this week! Lindsey and I connected on Twitter a while back and she always makes me laugh…and I didn’t even freakin’ realize that I wasn’t FOLLOWING her on Twitter until last night. It’s official. I’m a complete and total asshat. Sorry about that Lindsey!

Here is a little more about Lindsey in her own words:

Lindsey is a self-proclaimed pop culture and caffeine addict who is completely famous in her own mind. In reality, she works full time, attends school part time, and is a wife and mommy all the time. Lindsey longs for her stay at home mommy status back, and feels she should be allowed to sit at home and blog all day!

Make sure to check out Lindsey’s blog and follow her on Twitter and Facebook!

 

It’s Mom Sexy Friday, and Damn It, I’m Mom Sexy!

 

This is NOT Mom Sexy.

 

 

This is the picture I saw when I finally realized that I was fat and everyone knew it. When I gained 30 lbs. several years ago, I really thought it was my best kept secret. Being 5’11″ tall, I’ve always worn bigger sizes than my petite friends, so for the better part of my adolescence and adulthood, I had this paranoia that I was much bigger than I actually was because of the number on the tag in the back of my jeans. For years, I was assured by friends and family alike that because I’m TALL, I don’t look like a big girl, regardless of weight or pant size. So for years after I gained weight, I thought only *I* and I alone was the only one that really noticed.

Now I come from weight obsessed stock. My mother has always been concerned with her weight; one of my childhood memories was trying to drink her Slim Fast shakes and just thinking she was a total meanie for not sharing with me. She could never quite explain to her 7 year old daughter why this wasn’t okay for her to have. Good for you but not for me? I don’t think so. I was a slender child, and grew into a slender awkward teenager, and grew into a skinny adult. I was fortunate that I ate what I wanted, was never active, and was just blessed with a hot body. BLESSED.

This was what I looked like on my 20th birthday. I will never look like this again.

 

 

When I met my now husband, I was still rocking this physique. Once we fell head over heels in love, and decided we wanted each other for the rest of forever and moved in together, I started to put on weight in a hurry. I’ll never forget for the rest of my life being in the Old Navy dressing room in the Cambridgeside Galleria in the Fall of 2003, CRYING because I refused to be a size 12. I AM NOT a size 12. I left the store that day with nothing.

When I started to gain weight, it became an issue with the female members of my family. I will always remember Christmas Eve 2004, my mother taking me over to a picture of my stepfather and I on our family vacation in Jamaica from 2002, saying “Don’t you miss being able to wear a bikini?” Nor will I forget having a party with my fiance to introduce our families in the summer of 2007 and having my grandmother poke my stomach to see if that was my shirt making me look like that or if I was actually that fat. The icing on the cake was at a whopping 9 months pregnant, hosting my mother’s 50th birthday dinner, just mere inches from me my mother defending my weight gain to my aunt and grandmother (“She’s only gained 34 lbs., I gained way more with my pregnancies.” “Well you were a lot smaller than she was to begin with, she was already heavy”). I really never understood why my mother was so frantic about her weight until I started to be the recipient of the peanut gallery commentary. She grew up with this her entire life, and thankfully, I never did. I know now that’s because I was naturally thin growing up, and that if I wasn’t I would’ve had a very different childhood. And really, that’s kind of a shame.

Believe it or not, this commentary didn’t affect me as much as one would think. I’ve found weight loss to be like quitting smoking; you’ve got to be ready for it. I smoked for 10 years, and I LOVE smoking. I still to this day get a hankering if someone is near me and they are smoking a menthol cigarette, but my days of smoking are done, and have been since April 25, 2009. And when I saw that picture, I looked at my husband and asked “is that REALLY what I look like???” I expected him to say the husbandly things like “Oh honey, that’s just a bad picture/angle/lighting, and no that is not what you look like.” But do you know what his answer was? “Yeah.” Just a simple “yeah,” and it wasn’t malicious or intentional, just a nonchalant ‘of course that’s what you look like.’ I was HORRIFIED. And done. Now I was ready get serious about losing some weight.

I joined Weight Watchers in August 2010, after fighting with my own personal bias against it. My mother used to send me money in the mail when I first gained weight to pay for a Weight Watchers membership, and of course I lied and told her I was going, but instead I took her money and drank it at the bars just to spite her. But this is something I honestly haven’t tried, and I knew I needed some sort of help and structure to meet my goals and get thing done.

In the picture at the beginning of this blog, I was pushing size 16. And while I’m not at my final weight loss goal yet, this is what I looked like on my 30th birthday in November:

Not quite that svelte 20 year old I once knew, but certainly not that cow climbing on a mechanical bull, either! I have 7 lbs. to go to have a total weight loss of 30 lbs. Will I keep going from there? I’ll have to see when I get there. But I feel better than I have in years. I can chase my daughter around on the playground and not be winded. A big part of this transformation was doing something I had never done- I work out. I swelled with pride when my fitness instructor and friend told me that what I was doing in her classes now I couldn’t have done when I started. That kind of progress was keeping me so motivated for the longest- then the holidays hit.

I’m not going to lie, I haven’t worked out since the week before Christmas, and am trying to unlearn my oldnew habit of consuming everything and anything remotely delectable. But today is Mom Sexy Friday! I want to embody what this Mom Sexy thing, and I will hit my goals. Its not about the number on the back of my jeans anymore… its about looking good and feeling good, eating right, and setting a POSITIVE example about body image for my own daughter.

I’m a work in progress.  I’ll keep you posted!

 

Thanks so much to Lindsey for sharing her amazing Mom Sexy journey with us…keep up the amazing work, girl…you look incredibly Mom Sexy!

I’d love for you to be a part of my Mom Sexy Fridays guest post series going forward this year. If you’d like to participate and share whatever it is that makes you feel Mom Sexy, or how you got your Mom Sexy back, please email me at themommyologist(at)gmail(dot)com. I’d love to hear your story and share it with other women who want to get their sexy back!

 

 

 

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January 6, 2012

Mom Sexy Fridays: You Are What You Eat!

Well kids…the holidays are officially over…and thanks to a little miracle I like to call “the act of ceasing to stuff my face with every morsel of food in sight,” I think I’m slowly starting to get my post-holiday-hogfest Mom Sexy back.

Or at least I hope I’m on my way.

Take a look at the photos at the top of my blog…don’t I look like one seriously hot bitch? (I don’t give a shit if you don’t think so).

Ok…stop STARING at me.

Back when those pictures were taken last April, I was a good eight pounds lighter than I am right now. And even though I’ve preached up and down that Mom Sexy is not a number, when you go into your closet and find that your fat jeans are getting tight AND the zipper is about to break, it makes it pretty hard to feel confident and MILFY. Like it or not, that number does count for something.

Last Spring, I got on the whole “Blood Type Diet” kick. And no other diet that I have ever tried or followed in my entire life has ever made as much sense or worked as well as that one did.

And that is why I started following it again this past Monday.

Call me crazy (c’mon…you know you want to), but I feel like “the fog has lifted” or some semi-poetic shit like that. I’m not bloated. I don’t have heartburn. I’m not bitching and moaning about not being able to poop. I’m thinking clearer. And I’m starting to feel like the Mom Sexy, sure-of-herself, pain-in-the-ass that I was when those photos of me were taken.

It’s only been a mere three days since I got back on the Blood Type Diet…and already I feel like “me” again.

I don’t know why I haven’t realized it sooner…but it turns out that the old saying is true. You really “are what you eat.”

And consuming processed foods, sugars, booze, dairy, gluten, and most starches just doesn’t work for me as far as being Mom Sexy goes. Because eating un-clean foods makes me feel like an un-clean girl. And no…I don’t mean that in any sort of sexual way (quit being such a perv)!

I guess if I want to be Mom Sexy…then I have to eat foods that ALLOW my body to be Mom Sexy.

On that note, I’m turning over a new, healthier, Mom-Sexier leaf for 2012.

But chances are that I’ll still have a martini on Saturday night.

(I said I was getting clean…not dropping DEAD).

 

I’d also love to continue with my Mom Sexy Fridays guest post series going forward this year. If you’d like to participate and share whatever it is that makes you feel Mom Sexy, or how you got your Mom Sexy back, please email me at themommyologist(at)gmail(dot)com. I’d love to hear your story and share it with other women who want to get their sexy back!

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December 16, 2011

Mom Sexy Fridays? Not This Week.

Um…yeah…

Mom Sexy Fridays will be taking a break this week…because I just returned from a trip to the one-and-only Walt Disney World.

And if any of you other parents have taken a trip to Disney with your kids, then you know why I need a freakin’ break this week to recharge, recenter myself, and ponder how in the hell I managed to survived four jam-packed days with the Mouse and all of his closest peeps.

I think I may have officially left my Mom Sexy at Disney. Either that, or Goofy managed to steal it at our Chef Mickey’s character dinner. He totally thought I was a MILF.

Stay tuned.

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December 9, 2011

Mom Sexy Fridays: Mom Sexy Interview With a CEO!

Today I’m doing something a little new for my Mom Sexy Fridays series…I’m doing a Mom Sexy interview with my good bloggy friend Chrissy!

Chrissy is a wife & mom of 2 who turned to blogging as a way to vent about her life as the “CEO” of her family. Blogger turned social media addict, Chrissy launched a hyper local online magazine for her area & also does freelance digital marketing. When she’s not blogging, tweeting or running her household, she can be found “shakin’ it” as a Zumba instructor.

 

Make sure to check out Chrissy’s websites, Life As a CEO, and Jersey Shore Families. You can also follow her on Twitter and Facebook.

In the meantime, here is what being Mom Sexy means to Chrissy!

 

1. What’s your “sexy?” What in your life makes you feel like “you” after having kids? It took me a while to feel like there was any sexy in my life after having two kids.  But, within the past year, I’ve really grab a hold of my “sexy” which, to me, is simply taking good care of myself.  Some days, this means wearing a shiny lip gloss even though I barely did the rest of my face, some days taking care of myself is sipping margaritas at lunch with my besties while our kids play, and some days this simply means going for a long walk to clear my head and shed a little sweat.

 

2. You teach Zumba, which we all know I’m a huge fan of. This is such a great way for women to get in shape, have fun, and feel sexy. For those who haven’t tried it, tell us why they should! Zumba is the best way to boost your self-esteem.  It’s very hard for women to leave their inhibitions at the door but once you get over yourself and do it, I promise you will come back for me. You will be suprised at how easy to follow the moves actually are, and once you get the hang of them, you will begin to notice facinating changes in your body which leave you coming back for more.  Zumba is a big party, you’ll barely feel like you are working out.

 

3. Do you feel like having something in your life that is strictly for you makes you a better parent? Why? Absolutely.  Happy Wife, Happy Life.  Isn’t that the truth?  At the end of the day when I am laying in bed at night, and the kids are fast asleep, all that’s left is me.  My personal self is just as important as the bigger picture.  When I have something to call my own, I am happier and it shows in everything that I do.

 

4. What is your best Mom Sexy tip for women reading this? My best mom sexy tip is to GET DRESSED.  Leave the sweatsuits and yoga pants for the gym.  Take the time to put on jeans and a cute top, do your hair and put some very simple makeup on.  Do not forget that at the core of it all, you are a WOMAN.

 

Thanks so much to Chrissy for taking my very first Mom Sexy interview and for sharing what Mom Sexy means to her. I know that her answers will strike a cord with the Mom Sexy in all of us!

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December 2, 2011

Mom Sexy Fridays: Mom Sexy Tips From The Gloss Girls!

Please welcome my Mom Sexy Fridays guest posters for today…The Gloss Girls!

 

 

Here is an introduction to the Gloss Girls in their own words:

From a young age we have been obsessed with make-up and beauty.

While other 5th graders were roller-skating and riding their bikes, we were inside working diligently on our 1st issue of our beauty magazine, “Lisole.”  (In our defense, Lisa’s mother swore to us she could get it published in NYC and we believed her.)

Fast forward to real life, and we both followed a path in the field of beauty; Lisa as a make-up artist for Trish McEvoy in Boston and Providence and Nicole for Clinique and Laura Mercier in Connecticut and NY.

Now, we are both stay-at-home moms, doing make-up on the side, and forever searching for the perfect make-up and skincare products.  Our discoveries and favorites are constant topics of conversation with friends and family, so why not share what we know with everyone!

You can also follow the Gloss Girls on Facebook, and make sure to check out their website!

 

Mom Sexy Tips From The Gloss Girls!

 

We are two mothers with 5 kids 6 and under between the two of us, and we are makeup artists. We have been professional makeup artists since way before having kids.  We cater to all types of clientele but have a special place in our hearts for Moms – because we know how hard it is to look and feel your best when you are physically and mentally exhausted and drained.  Even with a plethora of products and knowledge it is still a struggle to keep our skin in good shape and our makeup looking perfect!!

After having kids, our definition of “sexy” has changed dramatically.  For a little while when our kids were really little we would consider ourselves “sexy” if we had showered within the past 24 hours.

As makeup artists, we have the resources and know-how to make ourselves looking gorgeous daily, but often don’t have enough time (or in Lisa’s case – her girl’s take all her makeup and ruin it.)

While there are a lot of factors that contribute to looking good as “Moms,” for us focus on skincare and makeup are the keys to success.

We have mastered our own “Mom Sexy” style.   Sexy now is more about looking fresh, polished and NOT TIRED!!!

Tip #1: Hydrate!! Nothing looks better than hydrated fresh skin!  We sometimes go the whole day only drinking coffee, which doesn’t translate well for our skin.  Keep your skin looking dewy and fresh with good moisturizers and serums and supplement with moisture sprays. You might not take time to exfoliate or do a mask now that you are a busy mom, but there’s no excuse for skipping moisturizer!! It takes only 15 seconds in AM and PM!

Tip #2: Conceal: There is nothing sexy about having dark circles under your eyes!  Brightening and concealing the under-eye area is a quick easy way to give yourself an instant boost!   Two of our favorite products for this are YSL Touch Eclat which is an amazing brightening pen/concealer, and Cle de Peau’s concealer stick.  You will simply not find a better concealer and at $70.00 it is worth every penny.

Tip #3 – Less is More:   Although J Lo and Kim Kardashian look amazing on the red carpet, with impeccable skin and makeup – Let us be clear, they are wearing POUNDS of AIRBRUSHED makeup!!

In real life, this look doesn’t always translate well.  As we get older, a fresh-faced look with a light, sheer foundation and a pop of color on the lips and cheeks is a young look.  Packing on heavy foundation and eye makeup – can sometimes be aging.

Tip #4 – Fragrance makes a difference:  In the old days we had the time to lotion from head to toe, and layer fragrances before we went out.  Now –a lot of moms we know find themselves only reaching for perfume when they are going out for a “date night.”

Smelling like something than your kids Eggos and syrup should not be just for special occasions!! Taking three seconds before you walk out the door to spritz yourself with your favorite perfume is a great way to feel sexy.

If you really feel like you are too pressed for time – keep a rollerball fragrance in your purse or car. These are inexpensive, travel-friendly options that allow you to add your favorite scent on-the-go.

Our favorites are Victor and Rolf Flowerbomb rollerball and Trish McEvoy’s SEXY #9 Blackberry and Vanilla Musk.

No matter what – sexiness is all about how you feel as much as it is about how you look.  So – whether you are following our tips or you have your own beauty routine that works for your – as long as you take a couple minutes a day for yourself before you face the world – it will make all the difference!

 

XO, The Gloss Girls

Nicole Moleti

Lisa SanMartino

 

Thanks so much to Nicole and Lisa for sharing these amazing Mom Sexy tips with us! I can’t wait to have one of you do my makeup sometime…I could use an updated look to kick my Mom Sexy up a notch for the new year!

If you’d like to be a part of my Mom Sexy Fridays series and help inspire other women to take their sexy back after having kids, please email me at themommyologist(at)gmail(dot)com for details. I’d love to hear your story! – Mary

 

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