I Loathe The Bus

My little dude has only been in Kindergarten for three days, and I’ve already developed an irrational fear of him getting on the school bus. Actually, “I LOATHE the bus.” (You get ten extra points if you know what movie I just quoted).

And it’s not because I’m getting all sappy and shit about him growing up and going off to big kid school, because (NEWS FLASH) that’s what kids DO.

I actually did okay with the whole bus routine the first couple times, but today, things changed a bit. To be quite honest, I’m still a little bit stressed out after today’s bus stop events.

Little dude and I went out into the garage to wait for the bus. It always passes by our house first and it goes down the street to pick up the other kindergartners in the neighborhood and then it loops back around to pick up my little guy. We saw the bus go past, so we walked down to the end of the driveway for him to be picked up.

And then it happened.

He looked at me and said, “Mommy, we need to go back into the house for a second.”

Then I said, “Honey, we can’t go back inside right now or you’ll miss the bus!”

And then he said very convincingly, “But Mommy, I NEED TO POOP!!”

I asked him if he could hold the poop till he got to school, and he said he could not.

And then for a split second, I had visions of my poor little dude either a.) squeezing his poor little butt cheeks together the whole way to school with a turtle head poking out, or b.) not being able to hold the poop in and shitting himself on the school bus.

At that point, I scooped him up, ran inside, sat him down on the toilet still wearing his backpack, and told him to poop faster than he’d ever pooped in his life.

Somehow he managed to get the deed done in about ten seconds, and we made it back outside to the bus stop just in time for him to be picked up.

And off he went to school, happy as a clam.

But now, each and every single time I go to put that kid on the bus, I will probably traumatize him by asking him over and over again if he has to poop before the bus shows up.

And even if he does have to poop, he probably WILL suck it in just to shut me up.

Oh man…I totally loathe that damn school bus.

I think I need an extra glass of wine to calm my nerves in preparation for tomorrow’s departure.