November 1, 2011

Pittsburgh, Partying, and Power Outages. WTF?

Wow.

I mean…WOW.

I’m sitting here in a Starbucks trying to come up with some sort of clever way to write this post, and honestly, my brain just isn’t working for me today. And it wasn’t yesterday or the day before that, or the day before that, and definitely not the NIGHT before that, if I’m being totally honest.

Let’s just start with the NIGHT before “that,” which was last Friday night. Holy SHIZ.

I left CT and hopped on a plane to Pittsburgh to surprise my cousin at her birthday party at a bar for her 30th birthday. I have never lived anywhere longer than six years in my entire life, but I still consider Pittsburgh to be my home. I’ll just go ahead and stop there because if I think about that town for too long, I’ll wind up looking at real estate and job listings and trying to figure out a way to move back there. Because I totally want to.

Ok, back to the birthday party.

I pulled off the surprise without a hitch…

 

Me and my best girl!

 

And I freakin’ partied like the freakin’ rock star that I like to think I am.

 

I told you guys I was a class act.

 

And then I spent the next morning puking in the bathroom at my granddad’s apartment hoping he didn’t hear me. (Which he totally didn’t, because I am a great puker and because he’s basically deaf without his hearing aids).

Fast forward to Sunday when I headed to the Pittsburgh airport to come back to Connecticut.

Um…have you people been watching the news? Like AT ALL?

Because we had the freakin’ snowstorm of the century in Connecticut on Saturday.

And I came home to NO POWER.

FOR UP TO A WEEK.

Yes, I said UP TO A WEEK.

Did I mention that school is also cancelled until the power comes back on?

And did I tell you that because there was no power, the kids couldn’t go trick-or-treating last night?

Thankfully, my family and I managed to find a hotel near the shore with power and available rooms, so we are holed up here until further notice.

Of course, the wireless at the hotel barely works.

And then my mom and I took my son to a diner today to try and get lunch right before 11am and they refused to fix him a grilled cheese sandwich because we still had about 15 minutes to go before the official “lunch hour” hit.

And then I stormed out of the diner and called the employees assholes and flipped them off. Because I’m totally displaced and I have no power and I know that they have bread and cheese and that waitress was being a bitch for the sake of being a bitch and could’ve fixed my son a grilled cheese sandwich if she’d had half a heart.

I’d better shut up now.

But I may not be blogging again until we get power and get back home. Or whatever.

Seriously…WTF happened over the past few days?

 

20 Comments
Posted Under: Uncategorized
October 19, 2011

Confession: I May Have Cheated On The Hubster Tonight

It’s 8:45pm on Wednesday night, and the hubster and I are doing what we do most nights of the week. We’re TOTALLY GETTING IT ON.

With our respective laptops, of course.

(You people have such dirty minds. I’m not that kind of girl…GAH)!

Neither one of us has ever established any ground rules for the fact that our laptops get felt up more than either of us do, but both of us seem quite content with the cheating and we definitely don’t have any plans of stopping our adulterous behavior anytime soon.

However, I have a confession to make.

I think I may have cheated on the hubster with someone other than the laptop earlier tonight.

And if it didn’t qualify as cheating…it doesn’t matter. Because I still feel like a dirty girl.

Earlier this evening, I took a Pilates class. I’ve taken this Wednesday night class before and it hasn’t been anything out of the ordinary…that is…until tonight.

Because tonight, instead of the usual instructor, there was a sub.

And she was NO JOKE.

Apparently this chick normally teaches Boot Camp instead of Pilates. And Boot Camp and Pilates are two totally different things.

I’ve never had a drill sergeant at Pilates class.

But instead of screaming at us like I expected her to do when I found out this chick was the Boot Camp instructor, she actually took on a tone that reminded me of what I think a sex therapist would probably sound like.

Most of the class, she talked barely above a whisper.

And her commands went something like this:

 

“In…and out…IN…and out…IN…and out….SIGH.”

“Pump it…RELEASE…Pump it…RELEASE…Pump it…RELEASE. Now do it on the other side.”

“Up…and DOWN…Up…and DOWN…Up…and DOWN. AGAIN.”

“Ahhh…..nowwww….just…..RELAAAAAXXXXX.”

 

Did I mention that there was this quiet, pulsating music going on in the background? I honestly didn’t know whether to cower away in total shame or light a cigarette after the class was over.

I’m a CHEATER.

But at least this type of cheating will make my ass look tighter, right?

Ok, enough of the Pilates story.

It’s time for another round of heavy petting with my MacBook.

 

 

22 Comments
Posted Under: Uncategorized
October 9, 2011

Help Those With Arthritis October 12th By Booking A Massage Envy Appointment!

I don’t know about you…but sometimes I just have to indulge a bit and treat myself to a good massage. Getting a massage relaxes me, it re-centers me, and it also helps me to release any stress or anxiety that I may be holding inside my body. Considering that I’m not a crier and tend to hold stuff in, getting massages for me is almost a necessity sometimes.

 

No, that's not me. It's some other blond chick.

 

It never fails though…nine times out of ten, when I schedule an appointment for a massage, I find myself feeing a little bit guilty about it. I either feel like I’m being over-indulgent and spending too much money, or I feel like I probably should do something else besides enjoy an hour of relaxation time to myself.

If any of you get the whole guilt thing going on when it comes to setting up a massage appointment, this may be your lucky week. This Wednesday, October 12th, is World Arthritis Day. And in honor of World Arthritis Day, Massage Envy is hosting Healing Hands For Arthritis in partnership with the Arthritis Foundation.

For Healing Hands For Arthritis, Massage Envy will donate $10 for every one-hour massage or facial to the Arthritis Foundation.

 

Book your massage now!

 

Massage prices at Massage Envy range from $39 – $69, and there are over 690 locations all over the United States. Go ahead and do a little something to treat yourself this week, and know that by getting a one-hour massage or facial at Massage Envy this Wednesday, you’ll be giving back to an amazing cause to help build awareness and raise funds for arthritis.

Taking time for yourself is Mom Sexy. So why not get your Mom Sexy on this week, and know that you’ll be helping give the gift of Mom Sexy to others who really need it.

 

*Disclosure: I was not compensated for this post, however, I was provided with a complimentary gift card for a one hour service at Massage Envy. All opinions expressed in this post are my own.

Leave a Comment
Posted Under: Uncategorized
September 26, 2011

No, I’m Not Preggo. I Have My Effin’ Period, Ok?

Ok…let’s see…how shall I start this post?

I think I’ll start it off with a heaping helping of “What the Fu&%” followed by a side dish of “You gotta be shittin’ me!”

So…you guys know that I’m in the middle of a 10-day detox that’s supposed to get me back into my favorite jeans, right?

I was all psyched up about midway through the plan because in five days, I’d already lost almost five pounds, and was already starting to feel better and I was sleeping better and feeling all clean and energized.

Good for me, right?

WRONG.

I forgot about the fact that my freakin’ period was on its way when I started this detox. AND I gave up booze and caffeine on this detox to avoid any bloating, but my damn period obviously had other plans.

I’m now eight days into the detox, and I’m on day THREE of my effin’ period, and this is how I look:

 

Holy freakin' BLOATED.

 

And for all of the people who looked at me in the grocery store today and smiled sweetly, I’d like to say: “STOP FU&%ING GRINNING AT ME. I’M NOT PREGGO…I JUST HAVE MY FU%&ING PERIOD AND I HAVEN’T HAD A COCKTAIL IN OVER A WEEK WHICH MEANS I’M NOT SELF-MEDICATING TO GET RID OF THE CRAMPS.”

Wouldn’t you know that I finally ditch the bottle and the java and try to get all healthy and shit and Aunt Flow decides to pop in for a visit?

Oh well, I guess it could be worse. At least I’m not pregnant, right?

Sigh…

Still keeping my fingers crossed that those jeans fit on Thursday morning.

Oh hell…SCREW THE JEANS. At this point I’ll just settle for not looking knocked up anymore.

For the record, periods are definitely NOT Mom Sexy.

 

41 Comments
Posted Under: Uncategorized
September 13, 2011

Keep Your Memories Safe With This Life

This summer has really been a busy one for me. In fact, I don’t think I’ve been home for more than one week at a time since somewhere before Memorial Day weekend.

I kind of feel like all I have done the entire season is pack, unpack, do laundry, and repack. But I have to say that living out of a suitcase has been worth every single memory I made with my family this summer.

For our final end of summer/beginning of fall excursion, my husband and son and I traveled to Pittsburgh for a family baptism, which happened to occur on the tenth anniversary of September 11th, 2011. As I looked around the room and saw many of my family members from four generations gathered in one place, I couldn’t help but pause for a moment to realize just how lucky I was to be sitting in a room with all of them. And then I grabbed my Iphone to make sure to document the family gathering on film.

Photos are the easiest way to ensure that memories like my Pittsburgh weekend last forever, but honestly, they really aren’t much good if you don’t ever download them off your Iphone and store them somewhere safe.

Recently, I was introduced to a wonderful solution for how to organize my photos which are scattered between my Iphone, my computer, my Facebook page, etc.

 

 

This Life is virtually a “Magic Box” that gathers all of your photos from multiple sources and stores them all together in one safe spot. And the best part? This Life is super smart and organizes all of your pictures in chronological order. Can you even imagine how much time it would take if you tried to put them into a timeline yourself?

Right now, This Life is offering a free six-month trial on their “Adventure Box” service, which you can sign up for here. The Adventure Box stores up to 20,000 photos, so you don’t have to worry about losing any of your precious memories that were caught on film.

Hmm…I guess now that I have This Life, I really can’t use the whole “I am just way to busy to download these pictures off my Iphone and should probably just keep them there because I’ll totally lose them if I download them” excuse.

To learn more about This Life, you can also fan them on Facebook and follow them on Twitter.

 

Disclosure: ThisLife sponsored my story today. I received compensation and a free trial service in exchange for telling my story. ThisLife is offering my readers a 6-month trial of their Adventure Box package, which will house and organize up to 20,000 photos. Go check out the ThisLife free trial today.

 

5 Comments
Posted Under: Uncategorized
August 30, 2011

Planes, Trains, and Hurricanes. And Shit in My Basement.

Huh…….Shit.

Where do I begin?

If you’re wondering why I can’t form a coherent sentence at this point in time, it’s probably because I have no idea if I’m coming or going. Seriously…what state is this? Where do I live?

And why the hell aren’t the lights on?

Last Thursday, I drove up to Boston to spend the night at the airport before flying to Los Angeles the next morning for the kick-off event for ConAgra’s Child Hunger Ends Here campaign. I’d been looking forward to the trip for weeks, and even though Hurricane Irene (a.k.a. the most UN-Mom Sexy bitch I’ve ever met) was hot on my heels and threatened to cancel my trip, the hubster assured me that things would be fine at home and that I should just get on the plane the next day and go.

And so I did.

And when I landed in LA, I got a nice email from the airline informing me that my flight back to Boston had been canceled.

And then I got my mom on the case, because she’s retired from said major airline, and she called her good friends who still work for said major airline and they were able to get me confirmed on a flight back to Pittsburgh the next day after the event, where I hunkered down with my 91-year old grandfather for two days until I could return to Boston last night.

The event in LA was great…and I will be blogging about it later this week. In the meantime, here’s a little snapshot for ya.

 

 

Yeah…that’s Mark Salling from Glee. And this was the only photo of “he and I” that I was able to have taken because right after it was taken, I had to haul my ass back to the Roosevelt Hotel and get in a cab to the airport.

And after I boarded my flight out of LA and we started to taxi down the runway, I breathed a sigh of relief that I’d be getting back home to my family instead of being stranded in an airport for days.

I fly a lot. And I love to fly. But because I fly a lot, I also know when something doesn’t feel or sound right with the airplane. And the 757 I was riding on started down the runway, and took off in like eight seconds, which just seemed WAY too early to me. And it seemed WAY too early to the dude sitting next to me too because he looked at me and commented on how short the take off was.

And then the plane did this weird thing and made this strange noise and I thought we had stalled and were about to go into the Pacific Ocean. And I totally almost grabbed the dude next to me to hang on for dear life. But then the throttle kicked back in, and I realized that even though we’d flown out of LAX, we had done a “John Wayne take off” for some reason. And if you don’t know what a “John Wayne take off” is, then google it. I really don’t have the energy to explain it to you.

After the crazy take off, I made friends with the dude sitting next to me. And I told him that while I’d had fun in LA, I was definitely an East Coast girl, and I told him that I felt like I stuck out like a sore thumb in LA and had “East Coaster” written on my forehead.

And then he looked at me and said, “That’s because of the way you talk.”

And I wasn’t sure whether or not to take that as a compliment or an insult, especially since this dude had also laughed out loud when he asked what I did for a living and I told him I was a blogger.

Whatever…he totally thought I was legit by the end of the flight and we wound up being buds for 2 1/2 hours till we landed in Dallas.

My flight from Dallas to Pittsburgh took off without a hitch, I landed there fine, and took the train over to baggage claim. And I had a great time there hanging out and talking to my grandfather and other family members for two days.

And then the call came from home that my husband and son had been out of power since Irene hit…and that our basement was flooding with water and sewage.

SEWAGE. As in SHIT. As in there were TURDS floating around in my basement.

My parents thankfully had their power restored, and they watched our son while my husband cleaned up the shit. And then I FINALLY made it back to Boston last night and drove home to CT, and now we are all officially camped out at my parents until our power comes back on.

Did I mention that there was SHIT IN MY BASEMENT?

Needless to say, I’m all out of sorts and my routine this week has literally GONE IN THE SHITTER.

Please send good vibes for the power to come back on soon…and for my home to remain SHIT FREE for a while.

Oh yeah, and feel free to send wine or other booze as you see fit.

 

 

64 Comments
Posted Under: Uncategorized
June 6, 2011

A Tender Moment With My Son

Lately, I find myself looking at my little dude in awe of just how fast he is growing up. It seems like only yesterday he was a cuddly little baby asleep in my arms, and now, he’s totally becoming his own person…and I know one of these days he won’t need me anymore.

 

Me and my little dude!

 

In preparation for the future days when he is just completely humiliated by my presence, I try and savor each and every single ounce of those times with my son now when he just wants his mama.

Let’s take bedtime, for instance.

Tonight, he had a tough time going to bed and asked me to lay down with him for a little while. I settled in next to him, and he proceeded to wrap his little arm around mine and start kissing it.

And then he sweetly whispered to me, “Let’s shut our eyes, Mommy!”

I closed my eyes as he requested…and couldn’t stop smiling, knowing just how special and tender that moment was with him.

After a minute or so, things got quiet, and I slowly opened my eyes to catch a glimpse of my sleeping baby, because we all know that there is just nothing more adorable than a sleeping child.

But instead of finding my little dude well on his way to dreamland, I found him staring right back at me all bug eyed with one finger jammed halfway up his nose digging for a fresh booger.

Lesson Learned: Never underestimate the cleverness of a five-year old who loves to dig for gold.

34 Comments
Posted Under: Uncategorized
« Older Posts
Newer Posts »