Well kids…I did something this week that was seriously like WAY WAY overdue. I should have done it a long time ago, but I kept making excuse after excuse.
And now…the excuses have finally ceased. Because I have NO MORE EXCUSES.
After successfully detoxing my body of booze, sugar, wheat, dairy, and other toxic ingredients, I dropped seven pounds (now eight and a half), and I felt the need to pry my fingers away from my laptop and get my lazy ass back to the gym.
So…on Monday night…I went to Zumba for the first time in like eight months or so.
It wasn’t pretty…and it definitely put things into perspective as far as just how OUT OF SHAPE I am right now…but somehow I managed to make it through the whole class without puking, and with a few good ass-shakes thrown into the mix.
I may not have hurled during class…but I did kind of piss my pants a little bit.
(Keep in mind that I’m on a total health kick right now and I’m sucking water like a fu%&ing camel).
I was fine for most of the class…and then the instructor started doing these jumps where we had to kind of shuffle our feet back and forth one in front of the other.
And yes, I know that’s kind of a shitty explanation and doesn’t really give a good visual, but it’s late, and I’m sitting here in pajama pants and a tank top and I’m not wearing a bra because I don’t have to wear a bra to be Mom Sexy in my own house, so I’m pretty confident that you don’t want to sit through a vlog of me jumping up and down and back and forth with my A-cup girls bouncing around like a couple of tiny bean bags.
Well, that…and I’m sure you don’t want to see me piss my pants on camera.
Anyhoo…when I walked out of that Zumba class on Monday night…people probably just assumed that I’d gotten an incredible workout because I was so sweaty all over.
But the sweat on the front of my pants was definitely not crotch sweat (and how effin’ gross is crotch sweat??).
Because I totally pissed myself. But only a little bit. It’s not like I had it running down my leg or anything like that. It was more like a few drips.
Does letting a few drips slip count as pissing your pants?
I’m still Mom Sexy, dammit.